Home - Sweet Home

HOME

It's said that "Home is where the heart is." After all this is where it all began. This is where you faked illness to avoid school (and years later, office!!), dreamt of being "something", yearned to travel the world, wished for a soul mate and not to mention fought with your parents through all the above phases!!

As I geared up for an almost 20 hour journey back home, I was overwhelmed with emotions. Child-like enthusiasm filled my heart with joy as I beamed at the thought of meeting my parents. As we grow older, we tend to distance ourselves from our true being. Just like a tree, which with time branches out and branches grow away from the roots. No matter how tall it grows, it's still grounded by the solid root system that enables its growth! To me, coming home will always be revisiting my roots, re-discovering my values and principles - the few assets I had, when I had just started off.

By the virtue of age, all of us have experiences! Most experiences take us far away to masquerades. It's a party out there and we switch masks to play various characters. From one ball to another, we dance away with people who we hardly know, people we wanna know, people who we wanna become or people who we become. There is a buffet of personalities, we pick and chose based on our appetites. In order to gain something, we lose ourselves.

As your home beckons, you are weirdly anxious about not fitting in anymore. (If you have eaten half the world in a span of days, you may literally not FIT in anymore!) But one look at your family and all your doubts vanish like a plate of veggies during your childhood!! (Into the bin where they belong!!) one warm embrace and you know you have in your arms, everything you'll ever need. You left home to earn a feel of royalty in an unknown kingdom. But little did you realize you were born royalty. Your wishes were commands that were fulfilled in a heart beat.

You change with times, you change for the world, one trip back home and you'll wonder was all of that worth! The simplicity of home is what makes it special. All your memories here are preserved in time. As you relive it, you wanna start over again. Do what's right, undo the wrong, treat people better and make up for the lost time. You learn a lesson of living every moment with the people you love and also learn how easy it is to make them smile! For the only gift they want is the gift of your time.

Lucky for you, somethings never change, for in your kingdom you'll always rule. Coming home has always put things in perspective for me. No matter how much of the world you'll see, the sight of our parents will remain unmatched; no matter the number of people you meet, the ones you grew up with will ensure the madness goes on; no matter how much you branch out, You know your roots are grounded indeed!

Few Good People..

The past few days have been really tough on some of my close ones. One of them fell ill, unexpectedly. Seeing him in the hospital, was the last thing I ever imagined for him. Not just coz he has always been super fit and athletic, definitely not coz he would prefer healthy organic options over the junk I would stuff myself with! Oh no! The fact that he is one of the few good people who welcomed us into his big house and bigger heart, should ensure that he is as far away from that pungent hospital smell.

You see, I may be a beacon to weirdos. But I have also attracted few good people into my life. And I would do whatever it takes to keep them safe. Nothing infuriates me more than bad things happening to good people. I mean come on, there a gazillion people who, if I might add, deserve to get the crap beaten out of them. It pains me to see the nature turning its back on such pieces of shit and coming after the few good people left on God's green earth!


It's not fair! But life isn't fair either. I can complain all I want, but it ain't solving nothing. It's not getting him healthier any faster. I feel helpless. What is it about good people that paints a target on their backs..always! Be it office where these people are the first to get screwed over or just plain life, where they receive the hardest of blows! I am angry, I am tearing out and driving maniacally. I'ma get one of these ass-clowns under my tyres - come on punks, line up!

I reach the hospital. Brave mode on. I mean, I am not gonna be a twerp adding to someones misery now, am I? I don't know what to expect. But what I see leaves me speechless. The man is plonked on the bed, looking fresh and dandy. Not like he's been in the hospital for the past 2 days or something, unless of course he has! Ok, what was I missing here? Did he undergo a cosmetic surgery? Why was he beaming? Goodness needs no facials or body wraps after all!

Minutes into the conversation and I finally know why every nurse greeted me with a smile when I asked for his room! Sir had gifted bouquets to nurses! Why? Coz they had done their job well! I looked at him in disbelief! That was just plain goodness beaming from inside a hospital gown. All I could do was smile and thank heavens for showering blessings and pulling him right back to where he belongs - into our lives!

Its such incidents in life that reaffirm my faith; make me feel little for bickering about the 1 thing that may not work in my favor when pretty much my whole life is under my control; get me feeling blessed for having such people in my life who stare fate in its eyes and snatch back what rightly belongs to them. Be blessed, always. Coz you sure as hell are blessing to all of us.

Game over 2014

2014. I had welcomed you with open arms and warm words. You may not remember, it was 12 months back, in a different continent and a different frame of mind. Let me refresh our memory:

2014 - Give me travel, give me adventure,
For my thirst of change, be a quencher.
Give me chaos, give me peace,
Rattle me up a little before you bring me to ease.
Give me love, give me joy,
Just relax and watch me enjoy.
Give me all you have and that's all I'll need.

P.S: 2013, heartfelt THANK YOU

You did breathe life into my words. You took me to a packed All State Arena in Chicago and let me soak in the reality of WWE Monday night RAW. You also threw in "Road to Wrestlemania" live event as an icing on the cake.  You brought a smile on my face and tears in my eyes; a rush I had never felt since I jumped off that plane; realized a dream that I had nurtured for over a decade.

You threw me in a whirlpool of uncertainties and shook my belief system inside out. And then you gave me the most beautiful person ever who would sail with me in the storm. I began a new journey with the only man I ever loved. He is mine now and forever to keep.  You brought in new relations I was scared of facing, unraveled the mysteries of "being a family". 2014, I can't thank you enough for making me a part of a new family I absolutely love and cherish! 

2014 - you were the year of a sucky professional life as you staged my encounter with one horrendous boss after another. You bought in uncertainties and threw me into a whirlpool of doubts. You made me question everything I ever stood for; watched me panic and let out an evil laugh.You got me working with witches right out of a cheap horror movie. You got me more than acquainted to the darkness in me that I knew existed. You got me swearing till I feared my ears could take no more, you pushed me off the edge as I screamed in despair. 

You gathered a soft cushion of family and friends to break the fall. Just when I thought you had annihilated me, left me broken, you showered me with love and told me I mattered. You promised that bright days were right around the corner. You filled my heart with patience and hope. 2014 - you were the year of great personal life. You showed me being cool ran in the family! 

You started alright, got me on cloud 9, crash landed me on rocky lands, showed me the way to heaven and back, got me feeling blessed, rubbed my face over barren lands, picked me up and exclaimed loudly - this is life! 

2014 - I am glad you came, I am glad you are gone. Thanks for taking away all the fair-weathered friends with you and thanks for leaving all the good memories behind. 

P.S: 2015, walk right into my arms.

One liners much?

So I complete one more year in this hell hole. Over the years I have met some atrocious managers and severely challenged co-workers! Yup, I have been lucky more often than not! Small compilation of things I have had the good fortune to be at the receiving end of!

1. "You have put on weight". Yes, meat-head. Working with little twerps like you makes me hungry. Now shut up else I won't have to look further for my next meal!


2. "There are no "Good" girls around in office". Hmm. They just left to get you a full-length mirror coz you know, we think it would do you some good!


3. "There are no "Good" men in office."  Yes darling, we don't live in Hollywood. You won't find "The Rock". Learn to make do with the little pebbles thrown here and there!


4. "People don't speak good English here."  Yes Ms Britan, now can you repeat that slowly and in English if possible so that the rest of us can understand what you just regurgitated?


5. "You need to treat us! Let's party!!" Definitely! Coz I work hard to blow my money on undeserving nincompoops! Now, stop talking and help me remove your existence from my brain! And please, stop salivating around me!


6.  "Why are you still here? Your talent is wasted in this company" Really? I would remain a dumb blonde had it not been for your insights! And get me that job at Nat Geo, will you?


7. "You are 25 and unmarried? Why?" Well.. Coz of men like you, maybe?


8. "You are 28! You should have a baby now!" Sure and you just keep your semen in check!


9. "You are a junior resource. You should be more flexible." Bitch please.


10. "You are a senior resource. You should be more understanding ." Bitch please.


11. "You are a valuable resource to this project" As valuable as your last fart. Better out than in!

12. "You have been here for so long! You must be earning a lot!" In millions! I just come here to counsel shit heads like you.

Jobbing Blobbing

One more day, I tell my tired body. It's almost mid of the week and before you know it, its time to live your life Queen style, I console myself. Come Friday, all the miseries would be swept under the rug and that stunning smile will be back on, for real. As you see when I have to console myself, I leave no stones unturned.

You know something is not right when you have to bulldoze yourself out of bed everyday, travel to what might as well be a different city, clock overtime doing something you detest, smile at people who make your blood boil.... as you see I have had a FINE day at office!


Working in a place that threatens to eat you alive? Kill me if you haven't experienced any of this for real!


1. Your faith in the saying "Don't argue with idiots, they bring you down to their level and beat you with experience" finds a new dimension of belief. Having an argument with your boss? Your colleague making you regret your birth? Breathe.. Really it works.. one way or the other! You need one long breath to collect all your strength from your core and land a punch on their nose! Kidding.. (or not!) Or just one deep breath and walk away. It's heroic. Trust me. Plus you don't want to spend a lot of time in "idiot" zone now, do you?


2. You realize you are supremely talented and your work involves pretty much 0% of it. Hmm.. lets see. I write. I sing. I brighten people's lives! (ok, the last point may be an exaggeration. Alright, the first 2 may as well be not entirely true. You get the drift!) But I am no author, singer or a shrink! (God knows, I could really use one!) What do I do instead? I take peanuts for salary and dumb myself down for 9 hours.  Oh God! Forgive me, for I have sinned!


3. People come to you for career advise and end up judging you for being in the industry for as long as you have! Alright, don't judge me for my position in this God forsaken organization! If I could, I would make slaves out of some of the gems I have had good fortune working for/ with/ under ! (or not, I am against slavery, more so coz I don't appreciate sloppiness!)  Live and let live bitches!


4. You watch, very painfully I might add, oscar winning performances of your managers. Ever been in the situation where you are being fed bull crap about how management cares for you? I somehow don't remember much coz in my head I am in a happy place and I am really hurting them bad! Well.. you know they have to pay right? Since making them pay in reality may end you on streets or in your parents basements, you go that happy place in your head! Now, where's my whip!



5. You watch, again if I may add, with extreme agony, the corporate suck ups climb the ladder. (or  should I say air lifted!) Hmm.. I need my scalpel and scissors please. Noses to be surgically removed from asses! Oh, did I forget to mention this blog sometimes could be rated R? Read on punk!


6.  Most ladies come to either only discuss family woes (kids, kins anything that involves emotions.. coz you know you are.. well.. a shrink!) or display their atrocious fashion sense. Most men come to either ogle at such bimbos or provide a pathetic excuse for a shoulder to cry upon! Now, now, don't get me wrong! There are people who diligently work, but this post is to honor them, by not discussing their boring, unappreciated life!



7. Your spouse finds the need to be paid for the extra hours he/ she chalks out from his/ her busy schedule. It's like providing you the local anesthesia that will push you through the day, only to find the pain raging its ugly head within a matter of 24 hours! (Baby, I love you and thanks for all your advise that has kept people alive and away from my fury. High time you start billing my company!)


8. Employers think the job is given as a favor to you like they ran out of change when they caught you begging in the middle of nowhere and gave you a job instead of loose change! So working overtime or weekends is expressing gratitude to their unworthy positions! So put your personal lives out of the window and well.. umm.. bend over? (Rated R remember?)


9.  Indians don't believe in making mistakes. No, don't get me wrong. They make loads of them! But they just don't believe in accepting them as much as they believe in covering them. Everyone is given one chance to make a mistake. After that people catch you by your hands/ legs/ balls/ whatever and train you to cover them up. You know, like how you train your dog to cover up its poop.. wait.. don't you? I won't know, I am a cat person!


10. Threaten to quit!  Last and most definitely the most lethal - you want something that you actually deserve but isn't been given to you coz of well.. your inefficiency in ass kissing? Threaten to quit! No, you won't quote me on this. I have been a silent witness of this chess move and I know it kicks ass. But if you have an iota of self esteem, you would steer clear of it.


Phew, boulders off my chest! As you have guess by now - just another day in my life. Put me through misery or put me through joy, the writer in me promptly stands up and says "Ahoy"!

Getting hitched?

Alright people! I am back! This post has been in the wings for almost 2 months now! I simply can't find a better time than this - 1:00 am on a sunday, just 4 days before I marry my knight in a shining armor! As I look back at my life so far, a life with the best set of parents one could ever ask for, 2 sets of relatives (can't thank God enough for that now, can I!!!), an awesome set of friends, lot of good luck and enriching experiences. Yup, that sums it all so far! As I count days for my new adventure to begin, I am glad I got to check every single item listed below:

1. Live in a foreign country by yourself for at least a year
Living in your home country, you are always spoilt for choices. You know what to do, where to go, whom to contact to get things done. Well, if you don't then you'll always know someone who can help you out! All easy equals no fun! Starting your life from the scratch in a foreign country? Now we are talking!

Why at least a year you ask? Well, thats about the time frame when you transform from a tourist to visitor to an almost local! When people start asking you for directions, you know you belong there! (even if you can't help them out!) The confidence that living alone gives you - unparalleled.


2. Travel
Travel is big for me. It should be, for everyone! I mean come on, doesn't it kill you to know that there are at least a million places on God's green earth that deserve a visit - a task that no one will every be able to complete. But hey, no harm getting started now, is there?


3. Understand and respect different culture
I am an Indian. We don't wear bikinis or indulge in casual relations. (YA RIGHT!) Now that I am done lying, I think its high time we shed inhibitions about different cultures and invest some time understanding them. You don't have to follow them if you don't like, but if you look closely there are always similarities that bond all of us together! You learn so much more about your roots and the clouds hovering your judgement tend to float away!


4. Make friends (too easy?) of different nationalities! (still easy and a lot more fun!)
I was surprised to see how intrigued people are about knowing "how things work back home". (I am personally gonna stab someone if I had to explain a hindu wedding process/ drama for the nth time!) But hey, when you have an american, a Mexican, a Japanese and an Indian at a table, other than a recipe for an almost perfect joke you indulge in conversations you never knew you were capable of!


5. Strengthen relations
In the super sonic speed of today's life, everything is secondary - health, family and pretty much everything is a far second to work and the money it brings along. Just remember, no one on the death bed ever thinks "I should have done more overtime at office". The main regret remains not spending enough time with people who matter. Pick up that phone, call a friend from college/ school/ work/a language class you might have taken, who at one point meant something to you but slowly got erased midst the pile of money you began collecting! Build new relations and strengthen the existing ones.


6. Fall in love
This one's my favorite. Fall in love at least once, with a person who truly deserves you and understands your worth. Give it all you got coz if the person is indeed you Ms/ Mr Right, you'll not regret it one bit. If not, you are one step closing to finding him/ her as you now have to encounter one less!

March Madness at MONDAY NIGHT RAW

It's been almost 2 years since I have been in the US of A - Mind, Body and soul. I LOVE it. But it surely is gonna take me much more than that to get used to certain terminologies here. March madness, for one! Before I could type the next line, I did google the term to ensure I don't goof up the game. I am an Indian. So I would be damned if I as much as gathered information on any sport that's not cricket! (Apologies to all the soccer.. oopss.. football fanatics who share the same birth country as your's truly!) March madness is an annual college basketball tournament in the US conducted in March (no surprises there!) But this post has absolutely nothing to do about basketball (Remember? All hail cricket!)

I have always been a late starter! So it wasn't until my college years I picked up a new interest - professional wrestling or what people usually relate to better - sports entertainment. Super athletic men with long hair and brash attitude, flexing their muscles, beating each other with chairs, putting people through tables, jumping off the ladders and boy, was I hooked! After all that's what real men do right?

I remember going to WWE RAW tour of India - 2002, in Bangalore. With the cheapest tickets a college kid could afford, I gate crashed into one of the "expensive" sections and stood sticking to the barricade for as long as the show lasted. It was a miracle, it was God sent. My wrestlers were in front of me. Ric Flair had just called Bangalore a sweaty place filled with flies. With HHH standing by his side, I wouldn't mind buzzing around for a lifetime! That very day I knew, I had to watch a MONDAY NIGHT RAW live in the US. It's just one of those things I had to do and no excuses would be acceptable.

Fast forward 12 years. I enter the US colesium in Bloomington, IL. I take a moment to look around and fight back tears. I was finally there. I was about to watch my first ever wrestling event in the US. I stood in the line to buy WWE merchandises. This was my day. I was going to let myself go, dress myself in attires that would  probably leave my poor mom thinking, "Where did I go wrong with her?". With my "Hounds of Justice" t-shirt, CM-Punk wrist band and a Daniel Bryan foam finger, I was going to rule the next 3 hours of my life! (Just for the record, Dolph Ziggler, no girl has ever screamed your name so loud and for so long - no one -EVER! ) I finally got a pic of lifetime next to a steel cage. I was riding high on my dreams and no stopping me there! But it was all just getting started!

The next day, there I was, even more excited (like that was even possible). I was like this little kid, who was visiting a circus, the only difference being, my circus comprised of some really well built, occasionally spandex covered animals! I hadn't met a single person in my daily life who would admit watching WWE. I thought of all the times people rebuked me for my choice. "You know that it's all fake right?", I have been asked. Well, people, if you get your heads out of your rear ends, you'll know it's as real as a movie. Low temperatures and extreme wind wouldn't deter any one of us standing outside, maintaining a hawk's eye view of the parking lot, hoping one of our superstars would drive by!

Finally, there I was, along with close to 18000 wrestling fanatics. I looked around me, basking in the glory of what my life had unfolded, I knew I belonged there. I was so overwhelmed, border lining inebriated state!
Seeing my heroes, live and loaded, flesh, blood and bones, was an experience I am yet to sink into my blood stream! It took over a decade, but it did come true. My dream of being associated with something so special had come true.


P.S: If you don't give up on your dream, your dreams will never give up on you.

A walk in Chiberia..

Alright, time to get started with this post. This post has been in the wings for over a week now. The Chicago river has begun unfreezing, hinting it's about time I came out with this post!

I spent the last 5 minutes reading up about Polar Vortex, coz, well... that's what we experienced in Chicago a week back! After reading and re-reading the first line on Polar Vortex in wikipedia, I conclude - I don't understand and I probably don't give a crap! This is going to be about my first hand experience in the great white land (Oh wait! Isn't that Canada? Well.. I don't care! Do you?). After all that's the very reason why I decided to pull off  a death defying stunt? Normally, the stunt is called "walking" but when you decide to bundle yourself up and walk in -26C it sort of becomes death defying. Don't you think?

It all started in last week of December. Chilling in Seattle, fiddling with my phone and what do I see? Weather forecast for Chicago! I am still trying to make sense of the conversion between Celsius and Fahrenheit. So when I see -15 on my screen I need to be very certain before I feel uncomfortable. What???, you ask. Well, my friends, this is my second winter in Chicago. So -15C is 5F and anything that's above 0F is.. let's say, bearable? I mean come on, you are not gonna lose your toes! Well.. unless of course you aren't warmly dressed/ don't take unnecessary walks/ stay indoors as much as you can etc etc.. you know - bottom line your toes are YOUR responsibility. Take care! Now, where were we?

OK, -15. My eyes drop to the bottom of the screen. Oh ya baby, it read F. Alarm bells were about to ring. Re-read, brain instructed. -15 F is freaken insane! It hasn't been that cold in over 2 decades! It's still F. F for, you ask? FREAKEN UNIMAGINABLY COLD! My heart silently wept and body threatened to give up a week in advance! This can't be happening to me!

A week later, all weather websites issue red alert on 01/06/2014. Hypothermia and frost bite warnings (you thought I was kidding about losing fingers?) A chill of excitement runs down my spine. I GOTTA EXPERIENCE THIS FIRST HAND! I got to write about this epic day and I can't write unless I have the first hand experience now, can I?

I wake up at 9:00 am. My eyes open to a sunny day, a VERY sunny day. Damn it! My office folks let me work from home coz of the weather! It can't possibly be -26C outside! The weather guys got it so wrong! It's already 9:00, by the time I get to work it'll be noon! Hang on, my groggy brain says. I check the weather. Viola! -26C it is. Yes people, sun in Chicago has no relevance what so ever to the temperature. It rains while its sunny, you freeze but its sunny. So as you see, sun is just a piece of decorative light!

Usually I dress based on the little people I see from the 34th floor view I get from my window. That day, I see 2 people through out the day. Thinking about it, I am pretty sure it was the same person walking around!

It's time for my evening walk. I gather my cavalry and gear up - a pair of thermals, heavy duty sweater, down jacket, 2 pair of socks, 2 pair of gloves, head band to cover ears, muffler, woolen cap to top it up. I might as well be at war with a polar bear!

I step out and think - this is not that cold! I am not sure if that thought ever reached completion or a gush of cold wind stopped that action from happening. My nasal hair stood in attention, respecting the super low temperature. I am pretty sure they were frozen for a bit until I decided to cover my nose, which was now alarmingly pink in color! There I stood, midst all the snow, with only two dark eyes staring at the world. As I walked from one shop to other, I lost counts on how many times the wind effectively changed my course!

The call to go back home was taken when my eyebrows hurt like they were being pierced from inside. (ya people, that happens, I swear on myself!) As I looked into the mirror on returning, I see a pink face staring back at me. Not the kinda pink one would like on their face, but hey, I didn't have a say on this!

Now most of you may think, this was completely uncalled for. But you haven't completely experienced Chicago unless you have experienced its winter! This may as well be my most adventurous walk EVER!

This was my coldest night in Chicago and hopefully the coldest night ever! The first time in 20 years the temperature dipped that low and when it did - I WAS THERE!

P.S: Good work on "Chiberia" TOI. You'll always be the most entertaining paper ever!

Well.. Hello 2014!!!

The day began like any other normal day. But how can there be anything normal about 31st December! This represents a day when people retrospect every breath they have taken in the past year. Suddenly one feels -  its already that time of the year??? Their heart begins to swell with the burdens of unaccomplished dreams while their mind fills itself with resolutions for the new year. "You will lose weight", it says while the swollen heart hides a smirk!

A lot of thoughts floated in my head. A major part of me wanted this year to end. No one has any control over the past. What's done is done. You can look back at life with grief or fond memories. End of the day, its not gonna matter! I guess that's the main reason I look forward to the new year. I still have the power to make it matter. One more year to live my life, one more year to fly high, one more year till its the next year!

Walking on the Elliot trail in Seattle, I thought back about how 2013 unfolded itself to me. All the while, I wanted it to end. I wanted a new start. I wanted a blank slate. Suddenly a lot of memories filled me. I wasn't thinking about my bad knee, sore throat or the numerous health problems that raised their dirty heads in my life in the past year.

As I walked the port of Seattle, I knew my life had shaped exactly how I dreamed it would. New cities, new people, new cultures, new experiences - NEW EVERYTHING! From Texas Rodeo to White House, high energy of Gatlinburg to serenity of Seattle, simplicity of the Amish to craziness of SFO, hurricane at Niagara to the filling yet emptiness of the Pacific Ocean, drop dead beauty of Big Sur , hip hop hikes of Indiana, street dancing at Greek festival - phew. And I am just getting started!

It's been over a year since I moved out to explore the world on my own. I feel successful. I feel liberated. A big chunk of the credit goes to the wonderful people I am lucky to have in my life. One crack pot just entered my room wanting to read my thoughts this late in the night. Weird, you say? Blessed, I say! Memories and experiences are the most precious gifts one would ever have. People form a very important part of both. Fill your life with people you love, life would love you back ten fold.  You can never have enough of goodness in your life! I reiterate this at every given opportunity, I love you guys!

As I look 2014 in the eye, I know it's gonna be one hell of a ride. A lot of uncertainties, a lot of opportunities and a lot of travel! My throbbing feet feel like they have walked a hundred miles today. But I know they are eager to run towards 2014, a year where personal accomplishments out shine the rest, a year which would mark a new life ahead, a year which would raise the bar for years to come, a year where my new dreams begin. Welcome 2014.

Little young wise ME!

Last few minutes of my bday. My 28th bday. A point in life where the inevitable 30's  look me straight in the eye and the past 28 years seem like a memory - beautiful memory of what feels like just yesterday.

By this phase in life, many of the people I know have figured out their lives, many have taken multiple steps to achieve their goals, many have achieved success beyond expectations, many have wonderful spouses and a few blessed ones have beautiful angels making them re-think their life! The others have accepted life for what it seems to be and made necessary adjustments to avoid excruciating conflicts.

Where does this leave me? Where do I put myself? What have I done that I can look back and feel mighty proud off?

Sitting in a room, I might as well call my own; in a trip that almost never happened; with a family so full of love (and food); answering calls from loved ones, singing the same old song; cheese cake, balloons, SNOW BALLS and a severely modified game of cricket!!! My life shaped pretty well after all!

While people often think about possessions they couldn't quite possess, I look at my life and wonder, I must be really special to lead such a rich life! Rain of love, firm hand over my head, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, footsteps beside mine, crazy laughter ringing my ears, tender fingers to wipe my tears. That's my life in a nutshell - at least 28 years of it! Pretty solid huh?

My priced possessions are my relations - wonderful parents I could die for, awesomely hot boyfriend I could kill for, supremely crazy soul mate who would do the killing for me! (Ya babe, you know it!) and my (slightly) overbearing bunch of nutheads I call friends! All you guys have been such an important part of my life, at most times my life itself! I am humbled to be a part of your lives and grateful to have you in mine. Here's hoping to many more fun filled, AGE DEFYING, cheese cake and balloon filled bdays!

Guru

Last night I was involved in a conversation with an old friend. Topic - spirituality! (Oh yeah! There's more to me that meets the eye.. or not!) Anyways, I didn't know I was "spiritual" until someone pointed it out to me! Just for the record, I browsed multiple websites as I type this, to understand what exactly does spirituality mean and seriously, woaah!! I just can't seem to understand why people have to give names to things or relations! Probably coz they think giving it a name would help them understand things better, would establish a more personal relation. Ex: If you have to catch my attention in a crowd, you would rather say, "Hey Shubha!" than "Hey gorgeous!". The later might turn a lot of heads coz, lets accept it, all of think we are awesome! The former would establish a mode of communication intended between the two of us. Alas, not all things can be spotted by names!

I have had absolutely no respect for people who claim to be beacon of knowledge, God men claiming to show you how to live, God women claiming to bless your soul and give you a reason to live. One of the main reasons people blow their own trumpets is.. well coz no one else would/could blow it for them with as much conviction! Honestly people, if you need someone to show you "how to live" , be assured that you are running in the opposite direction of your finish line! Having said that, no offense to anyone who feels the need to have such people around, to help them focus. Each to his own I guess!

There can never be one absolute teacher! With the amount of knowledge surrounding us, the number of inexplicable things that humanity is subjected to on a day-to-day basis, it is foolishness to think one person has the answers to all questions. We grow everyday, hurting and healing ourselves. No one man/ woman has the healing powers to heal all of us at our beck and call. 

I have had several teachers in my short course of life and no, I am not talking about the horrible atrocities I was subjected to during my schooling days. (They also go by the names teachers too, so just wanted to make sure there's no confusion here!) I am not yet in that place in life, where I can admit, with full conviction, that even the douche-st of douchebags I have come across have something to teach me! Most of my teachers have been been people I meet on a daily basis - family, friends, friends of friends, absolute strangers!

This takes me back to a conversation with a dear friend over brunch. My friend is an exemplary woman, with experiences that will blow your head off! My jaw drops almost every time she tells me about an absolute stranger helping her in situations I cannot fathom getting myself into! Few things that have happened in her life, are nothing short of a miracle. Again, I wouldn't want to attempt to explain this phenomenon. I am stunned at how easy it is for her to obtain help even when she doesn't ask! She has a very simple answer for her experiences. "I share my woes". 

There it was, a very simple act - sharing. Sharing is caring, people say. I have heard about innumerable quotes on how sharing joy can double it. Not a whole of quotes about sharing sorrows huh? (I swear, there's atleast one that I vaguely remember. Now, what was that!!!) It's pretty simple. I believe that there is goodness around us, in most cases- dormant. It manifests itself when called for, probably coz unless it's called for, it doesn't realize its existence. No one can help you unless they know you need help. People don't realize their potential of healing someone until they are put in the spot! That's the power of speaking up. It's these tiny things, which when given attention to can touch you in ways you never know. 

These are experiences that nourish my life, these are people who teach me to believe, to have faith. I need not pray to one idol or person to lead a better life, I open myself to the walking/talking embodiment of experiences in my day to day life!

Choose wise!!!

This post is a resultant of a super tired body and restless mind. You know how it is when you are so tired that sleep evades you, your mind takes you on journeys involving random movements on your keyboard, facilitating clicks on links that seem semi-intriguing? No? Just me? Anyways, that was exactly my state when I stumbled across the pregnant deer scenario. Ok now, stop dilating your pupils and read on.

A pregnant deer about to give birth , finds a remote grass field by the river. As she cautiously moves towards the "safe" place under dark clouds, a lightning starts a forest fire. That very moment she goes into labor. To her left, she sees a hunter aiming at her. As she moved in the opposite direction she sees a lion approaching her. What does she do? If she runs from the arrow she is sure to land up as a lions meal. If she escapes both the fire will catch up to her in no time. So what does she do?

Answer - NOTHING! She focuses on giving birth to a new life.

In a fraction of second, the lightening blinds the hunters eyes, the released arrow zips past the deer and finds the lion as a target. Dark clouds rumble and make way for heavy rains putting off the forest fire. A healthy fawn is born!

The output may have been very different had the deer decided to escape her nemesis. She could have easily found herself as a dinner or in a cradle of fire! Everything could have changed in a matter of a milli second. But what determined the output, was a choice, HER CHOICE.

In our day to day lives, we are forced to make choices - some, which give us the luxury of time, while others have to be made in a jiffy. The former may create a lot of turmoil coz we have the power of time in our hands. The later may bring uncertainties, fear and an ugly feeling of regret coz they had to be made turning a blind eye to all the possibilities.Its a choice between the devil and the deep blue see. Well, I am just learning how to swim, so I would pick the devil! What about u?

After reading the deer scenario I realized, it doesn't have to always be devil or the deep blue see. There's always an option to stay put and continue what you are doing. Doing nothing actually means you have made a choice and your choice is to do nothing!

There are always gonna be factors that hinder you from your current path - distractions that engulf you in anxiety, inject negativity until your brain is intoxicated with fear. In short, push you to doing what you feel compelled to do as opposed to what you are supposed to do.

People are so involved in making decisions, choosing between options and treating life like an exam of multiple choice questions  that they have forgotten that there's always an option - none of the above.

This scenario struck a special chord with me coz it symbolizes how all the negativity around you can vanish in a moment if you decide to not play in its hands and take a stand. There are always gonna be testing times. Things may not be in your favor, you may not always earn peoples confidence. The only thing you will always have going for you is your choices. Why? Coz they represent you and your belief system. Everyone has their own beliefs that are dear to their existence. They may not necessarily apply to you. That doesn't make yours any less valuable.

Soon enough one does realize that living your choices gives birth to a new life - our version of a new born fawn. It may not be an ideal one, but the one that you worked hard at creating. Live it with pride.

Make a choice when you can choose wise!

Dream board

If you really want something, the universe conspires to give it to you. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? This concept went viral after "The Alchemist" released. It's a  very simple concept of wanting something, without giving a thought to whether the idea is conceivable or logical. As I always say, simplicity is not one of the virtues people possess these days! So it's a very tough concept to wrap your head around. Coz it doesn't work on tangible things. It works on faith.

Visualization is one of the concepts that takes people one step closer to having faith. In visualization, you create a visual representation of what you want your life to be. You throw your wishes and desires to the universe in a pictorial form. You paint a picture of your life ahead. You graphically portray your desires. It can be something as simple as random photos that depict a part of life you yearn to lead to a canvas where the colors make your future come alive. You are the creator of your own vision board!

I had the good fortune of working with a friend on my dream board last week. It has all the ingredients of the life I wanna live - a collage of some beautiful pictures and some really strong quotes. While I was doing this art project, I felt alive. The most alive I've felt in a looong time. I was working on something that probably didn't make sense to a lot of people I knew - a feeling that thrills me to bits every single time! My dream board is ready. My first and my best so far!

During this exercise, I experienced something very impactful. As I looked at pictures cut out from the magazines, pictures that were meant to depict my future, I realized every picture had a story. Suddenly a classically dressed model seated on a bike, reading a map, transformed from a confusing portrayal of God knows what, to a modern day woman dictating the journey of her life; a confused looking girl in an airport with a suitcase was now a girl with dreams - uncertain about her future yet determined to live every bit of it;  the couple holding hands, looking away from the camera were no longer tired. Instead they seemed to look ahead, dream of a prosperous life together, believing in miracles. It's the same feeling I had when I visited a museum in Philadelphia. Hundreds of paintings and nothing made sense! But on reading the descriptions associated with each of them, I wondered how I could miss the message being sent out through this exemplary pictorial representation.  It's said that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. The same holds good for the pictures that now form my dream board.

It's wonderful to see how different people interpret the same things. To a large extent, you are what you interpret. Recently, an exercise was conducted, where people where given the task of finding hidden words in a box full of letters. It's surprising how some people found the words "love" and "peace" while the others found "power" and "money". A very good set of people found "hate". Now, what does this say about the game? Honestly, I don't know. But it sure as hell says quite a bit about the people playing the game. It's said that people never really change their stripes. To a large extent, I believe it. You will always be "you" from within. There would always be certain things that you really want. It could be anything, ranging from love to money. In time, probably they might be burdened by other fancy things that would make you more appealing! But in your heart, you always crave for the things that touch you in ways nothing ever could!

Coming back to the dream board, your dreams are your own. No one can interpret your life the way you can and the only interpretation that counts, is yours. Yesterday when I  shared my board with a colleague, he found less of dreams and more of amusement. My immediate reaction was WTF! As far as I am concerned, you touch a new low when you make fun of someone's dreams.Having said that, the world is full of nonsensical people who lead a life of their choice. Yes, they lead  "their" life, don't let them lead yours!

Back in the days when my dream was to travel, I was the butt of many jokes. "It's not a dream!", "What sort of a life is that!". Just typing these comments makes me nauseous! I am living my dream as I type this post. It's my personal accomplishment. The skeptics are where they were, non existent! But what does exist is me and a heart full of joy riding high on faith.

How many times in life, do we change our dreams to make us socially acceptable? Re-paint the canvas of our life with colors chosen by others, creating something that makes absolutely no sense to us. But thats the beauty of life. There can be a blank canvas presented to you at your will. The only rule is that you make an art out it. Something that as abstract as it may be, makes perfect sense to you. Challenge is not to get swallowed in others talks. Coz that's their philosophy - got mouth - will talk! Always be respectful of people's dreams especially when they don't make sense to you! Coz dreaming is a sign of life. The dead don't dream!

Warrior Princess

A lazy Saturday afternoon. Just finished my brunch. As the cries of little kids fill the air around me, I stare blankly at my laptop screen. My fingers randomly scroll up and down the deals email for today. At the background, I am processing the number of things I ordered online and keeping  track of how many I am yet to receive. Of course, by now I have stopped thinking if I actually need any of the things I order online. If it's over 50% off, I WANT IT! Make no mistake about it. I look outside the window. It's a perfect day to sit by the window and read a book, something that I've been meaning to do for the past 6 months. So that's exactly how long it has been since I learnt a new word! Now I can hear an action sequence being played in the other room. I've half the mind to walk up and turn the volume down. But my laziness creeps over and I plug in my earphone, listen to Bob Marley instead. I am mindlessly reading the news feed on my FB wall. My eyes fall on an interesting article - 7 ways of hurting your daughter's future. I am surprised at how much I start relating to the article!

As a kid, I was always told to be nice to people. Smile when they pass sly remarks on you, coz it's all in the name of fun! No one means any harm! If you as much as talk back, that's impolite. Good girls don't talk back. Good girls keep mum coz the only time words suit them is when they came out in a form of a song, in front of an indifferent crowd. "The girl can sing! She's gonna make her in-laws very happy some day!" That was the day my young mind thought being respectful is equivalent to keeping quiet. 

Few years later, these very people decided to make my appearance a matter of their concern or should I say their "life mission". I was a plump kid and puberty was not exactly what I would call a party! Clearly the zits on my face thought otherwise! Apparently I was not attractive enough to gain attention. A lot of parents inculcate the concept of beauty into their kids very early in life. And make no mistakes about it, it's not the inner beauty about people that make the rounds with them. Bestowing such values on kids only ensures this spreads like plague. And spread like plague, it did. I grew up in a society where values were the least of one's concerns.  "Anyone can be beautiful. You just need to concentrate on your strengths." Obviously no one told me that strengths don't just mean "physical attributes"! And hey, I was too young and on a quest for perfect beauty! I spent years on finding my strengths. I believed in my heart, every ugly duckling turns into a beautiful swan someday.

 Good looks always overshadowed good heart, trendy clothes always eclipsed solid character, slyness outshone honesty. With all the emotions bottled up, tears would find the comfort of a pillow.  This is when I learnt the second most important lesson on my young life - people are always right, for might is right. What's inside is worth a nickle compared to the perceived beauty!


As I grew up, I bid good byes to few of my talents, for I had no seekers of the talent and I had no will to pursue them without encouragement. There were always certain set of things that I HAD TO do and was SUPPOSED to be good at. I won't lie to you, I sucked at all of them. Why? Coz I honestly couldn't give a tiny rat's ass. I could count the number of things I've done halfheartedly but very early in my life I was told that I suck at Maths. Now this thought has been so deeply ingrained in my head that it has turned into reality! Bottom-line,  talents which will help you fetch money/ status/ good spouse are talents; the sooner you let go of the rest, the better it is.  Third lesson of my life - I CANNOT complete what I've started.


I reached a point in my life, where all these lessons raised their ugly heads every now and then. Suddenly they didn't seem to make any sense. The smile that was supposed to be a polite answer to bullies transformed into a nervous laughter, for in my heart I was done upholding the name of fun. But having been quiet for so long, I had no means or clue of regaining the wit I presumed to have! Caught in a dilemma of being "good" and being "true"! Trust me, it's one of the worse battles I've been in!

No matter how good I look, there's always gonna be that one woman who'll be my nemesis. There's always a better face/ smile/ rack/ ass etc etc. True story. But all the while, I could be that "one woman" for someone else. I don't know, I don't wanna know!

When I started writing, I felt free. I wrote for myself. It was my life in my words. My autobiography in posts -  one post after the other. I finally felt that I was good at something. Until it became a need to want people to like my work! It was not about my feelings, it was more of reader's enjoying my work. It was no longer my life, it was more about topics that people could relate to. And then I stopped writing, for I could find no suitable topics! I read this line again and I feel frigging lame. As I  look around, there are atleast a thousand living/ non living things within 10 feet radius. Living things that I could appreciate, non living things that my words could bring life into. And honestly people have little to say about it, coz well.. IT'S MY LIFE! MY WORDS! MY OPINIONS. If you don't like what I write, you are free to humor the million bloggers out there! I promise - no bad blood!

Looking back at all the things I've left incomplete, I have regrets. Too early for a 27 year old , with her entire life ahead of her. For whatever reasons and fears that caused me to leave business unfinished are the main reasons that led me to believing that I have it in me to run only half a race. In life you often tend to mistake you actually are what the incidents/ people in your life make you believe. You might as well be what they think you to be. But end of the day, there's only one judge YOU.

No one can undo their past. But one owes it to oneself to unlearn the things of past. You don't keep stock up trash in your house, then why trash your life?

There are always gonna be broken hearts and shattered dreams. But you are who you are. Your beauty doesn't lie in your flawless face or impeccable body. Your beauty lies in the way you've achieved without them!

P.S : http://www.forbes.com/sites/learnvest/2012/06/28/7-ways-youre-hurting-your-daughters-future/

Soul sister

I was beginning to feel light headed. The never-gonna-leave-my-lips smile had announced its dangerous arrival. "She hasn't smiled this way since you left", he said. No one had spelt it out till then, but one look at her and I knew it was true. The music was filling my ears and well, to a large extent my brains! I wanted to sing! I am damn good singer. You can ask anyone who HAS NOT heard me sing!!! People who have will probably tell you something that could collapse the castle I am trying really hard to build!

It was just one of those days when I had to sing (Trust me, those days are not very often! Thankfully!) She held my hand, accompanied me to the mike and stood by my side while I exercised my vocal chords in an inebriated state. She didn't know the song, but she caught up, sang with me, made me feel like a lesser idiot. I guess that's an integral part of being a soul sister. You don't let the other person make a total idiot of herself. You join in!

Vada Pav, chocolate pasteries, paani puri, veg momos - formed an integral part of our date. (not to mention the "magically" acquired bellies and "jodhpuris") The date that we looked forward to after a long day at office. Initial memories of us involve bread omlette, masala dosa, tea, Mc veggies, french fries, costa coffee and chocolate muffins, Thinking about it, food seems to be one thing that always connected us!!! (To a very large extent, it still does!!!)

Walking the Times Square with her in what I was pretty sure was the "Ice age re-visited" marked the high point of a highly eventful year. (try posing for a caricature artist in almost zero temperature with no gloves on. You'll know what end of world feels like!) My end-of-the-world definition turned a new leaf when I was faced with making a decision - save my fingers from falling or ski my ass to glory. The girl in yellow pants took the decision for me. She stayed, I did too! Falling on my bum has never felt better. (I probably will shy away from falling anywhere for this one life time!)

She has always been good at that. Setting the bar really high and "nagging" you till you reach there! Nagger, she is (brownie boy don't be scared! Nagging is always accompanied by an overflow of love, which I am quite sure you'll thrive in!!!) Confidence could as well be her second name. (Having said that, please don't buy the bucketful of shit she's selling you. It's tempting, reaaally tempting, but steer clear!) "I believe in you", she said, "but you need to believe in yourself." The never ending conversations make my ears burn yet listening to every word of a mature granny coming from a hot tiny girl!

You talk about the blizzard in US? Few days back there was a thunderstorm in India, caused by a million heart breaks. Reason - A BIG FAT PUNJABI WEDDING! My girl found her man of dreams and turned their dreams to reality. I couldn't be happier. A dazzling smile found a rightful guardian who I am pretty sure will make the smile last! (Else I kick your ass! )

Life is a bitch, they say. But when life involves long drives, parties, giggling like there's no one watching, head banging on sleazy songs.dancing on even sleazier numbers, talking all night long, throwing tantrums, binging on tea and garlic bread - it just couldn't get any better! My Ms Soul sister is now a Mrs Brownie guy and I really couldn't think of a better match made in heaven! (or well.. in a crowded MNC in my favourite city of all times!)

Again, words don't do justice to what our relation means to me. ( 2 posts dedicated to the same person on my blog goes right into my "blog hall of fame"!) There are very few experiences in life that you remember right to the excruciating details, few relations that you have no expectations coz they are above and beyond human understanding, few memories that can get you out of the dumps with their very glimpse and finally few people who bring all of this together. (Louve, It's time you grab a tissue now!)

Cheers to you new life. Let the memories begin!

2-0-1-3

2:10 am; Sitting in a wooden cabin, surrounded by snow; Far away from home but midst the warmth of a family in a far away land! There you go - Welcome 2013!!! (Ya, we all are alive, the world hasn't ended. Someone was definitely right when they said, mayans ran out of stones leading to their calendar ending in 2012!)

Saying goodbye to the most eventful year of my life takes me on a trip back to the memory lane. A journey from scorching heat in Pondicherry to the beautiful snow in Virginia - a perfect blend of various opportunities, diverse avenues, new places, crazy adventures, intriguing people! (Ya! My life ROCKS!)

The one thing I have really wanted all along, is to travel. Travel as far as there is sky over my head, travel as much as my feet can take. What started as a resolution,eventually turned into a reality. Travel I did. Walking the streets of French colony and basking in the peace of Auroville in Pondi; Fighting the scorching heat of Chennai; Winning over the not-so adamant auto drivers of Hyderabad; Exploring the downtown life of Chicago; Living my childhood dream of visiting Disney Land; Experiencing the magic of a Halloween parade at the Magic Kingdom;Understanding how hyped Statue of Liberty was; Seeing the lights do wonders to the largest Christmas tree I've ever come across at Rockefeller; Walking hand-in-hand with my soul sis on the Times Square; Jumping of a plane in Indianapolis; Almost injuring my knees, skiing in Virginia..pheww.. as you can see its been one hell of a ride!

I have always believed that one can judge the quality of life one leads by the quality of people in their life. I can proudly say, I have a supremely high quality life! Lovely parents, who are determined to master an apple product everyday just to get a glimpse of me (well, to be honest I am almost as technically illiterate as them. Just the genes I guess!!!); super awesome better half who gives me the not-so-gentle push I almost always require; a best friend who redefines focus; a soul sis who's held my hand when I thought there was no one, the only girl I look up to; a foster dad - my partner in crime, my conscience keeper; bunch of hunkie bros who make me feel like a child - happy and protected; bunch of highly tortured girl friends, who I know can live their whole life with some more torture (come on! I know you guys love it! I bring more colors to your well.. lets say already colorful life! *evil grin*). This is my solid support system. This is why I breathe the air I do, the reason for who I am, the reason for me dreaming higher. Making me believe I have all I want, but pushing me to explore newer avenues.

2012 has been the year that witnessed few of my dreams being fulfilled and created new dreams waiting to be lived. A great ending to the best year of my life, marks a new beginning to a new year, challenging it to raise the bar higher. Cheers to the high standards of life, cheers to new dreams, cheers 2013!

Turning 24...

What are the best memories of my birthday's, you ask? Well.. when I was a hundred years younger, I thrived in the glory of growing older, that probably meant I could wear heels, fashionable clothes, you know, the normal stuff! Basking in the attention, distributing chocolates, wearing colorful dresses and laughing at others kids in their uniforms!

You know how time changes things right? Well, I am awesome, but I can't escape time! Last year I crossed an important age milestone (and no it's not 30!). I clearly wasn't thrilled to bits to even thinking of an extra grey hair or god forbid, a WRINKLE! (Does anyone know when they start appearing? Please shoot me a mail with details!) Of course having "well wishers" say, "It's all down hill from now" did not boost my morale either! So as you would have guessed by now, my perceptions have changed. Heels are good, they bring your ass to limelight. But they screw every other ligament and bone in my body, so verdict - not worth it! Fashionable dresses, well I stock up my wardrobe with comfort wear which, well.. how do I put this delicately, which would definitely get me a job of a nanny! And finally chocolates.. any more in my tummy and people would definitely ask me how many babies am I carrying in me! (Yikooos!)

Obsessed as I am, I do tonnes of things to counter evil! For starters, simple steps like not giving my birthday details on FB! But I guess these things have a way of working themselves out. Miraculously I have a hundred "Happy Bday" posts. (Alright I am exaggerating. Lets say 10!) How people remember dates when you take away a most important source of memory, still remains a mystery to me!!!

Few years back, I had a rule. I don't work on birthdays. I like the whole day to myself, with family and friends who matter. Also, spending time with people who are a lot older than I am, gives me a sense of security I cant quite attempt to describe. (If you older ones are reading it, well, I love you guys!!!)

This one was different. In Chicago, far away from people who matter; Chocolate cake, pizza, "I am in Chicago and I am never going back" realization coffee mug and 3 awesome roomies stacked in my room, stirring at every sound in the hall (relax guys, there is no ghost in our apartment, it's just ME); Production issues at work, embracing me in their warmth, phone buzzing with calls missed and messages unattended, meaningless mails waiting to be replied, an impromptu birthday plan for a special person leading to a 3 hour bus delay (inclusive of 1 hour of evading frost bite!), my first snow - guess I am pretty special myself!

So here's to one of the most unconventional bday's of all time and hoping this was the last of its sort! Cheers!


P.S: For those who are interested, I didn't turn 24.. I remained 24 ;)

Free fall!

"Just remember one thing", he said. "If something were to happen to you both, I would still be fine!" Not exactly the most encouraging words to fill your ears 11000 ft above the ground. But hey, life is not all rosey all the time! At times you do have people whispering in your ears that they have no clue what would happen when you are mercilessly thrown out of the plane at spine chilling heights and that its completely fine to crash coz their company would ensure there would be double casualty than single! (And you guys think i am evil???) Sky diving is one mean encounter with nature and man!

Why? Who in their sane minds and jittery back wanna risk their lives in hands of a mad man? Take a deep breath, wait for it, take a bow - I WOULD! Don't have answers to weird questions like why, what and what the.... I am not exactly the most adventurous person walking on God's green earth. But I sure as hell am one crazy thing wanting to experience all there is to experience. The kinds who rather jump off a plane than face a camera for an interview!

I guess it was my karma coming back at me, when I saw my friends with instructors literally badgering their brains with all the information they need and my instructor on the other hand smoking a ciggy and flirting with ladies! (Nopes, I wasn't one of them and me not appealing to him was the last concern in my head back then. Now I can deduce that he was blind!) As I helplessly looked at him from a distance, wondering if he were qualified to be an instructor (his beer belly led to some serious concerns!), hoping against hope that I wasn't a goat he would slaughter to get back at his boss and praying he gave atleast a tiny rats ass to my safety!

The carrier arrived. So did the last minute photographer - sweaty, puffing-panting, tired.. well, not really giving me the most comforting feeling! "I am nervous" he said. "Just what I wanted", my heart thumped. I knew it was gonna be one hell of a ride with all the smart funny asses to give me company! With my right eye blinking, I knew something was gonna go wrong. I don't believe in proving myself wrong! i broke my nail! (Anyone close to me (even in proximity) knows I could kill to maintain my whities!)

Our instructors laid down the set of rules for us. Rule one - Smile. Rule two - Keep smiling. Rule three - Don't know what it is. But its something to do with the safety! No one really concentrates on the third one once your in the air!

For a normal person, these words would be enough to get the hair at the back of your necks stand! But didn't we establish that I am far superior to be addressed as normal??? Broad smile never left my face. On the hindsight, I guess the smile was more like "I am screwed!"

"It is coming", he said. The door opens. I pull down my goggles in the nick of time to ensure my lense doesn't fly away with the hopes of me watching the ground below crystal clear! OMG! This is what God sees everyday. Tiny trees, tiny fields and not one human soul! 

Hang on! I am not ready. I can't freaken do this now. It's too high and we are both fat! We'll hit the ground before your parachute opens.

Of course these were the words in my head. Dancing an evil dance of death. My lips were parched, frozen, open but shut at the same time.

"I am gonna die" I thought, "I know I will. I love you mom. I love you Dad. And babie, you rock my world, love you loooads!" The world stops.Before I get the time to comprehend what hit me, we were off the plane, spinning and rotating like a top caught in a strong gush of wind. All the monacos in my stomach threatened to come out. But hey, I was 11000 ft above the ground. I could do whatever the hell I wanted in the 60 seconds before I fall on the ground and break my skull!

I felt the tap on my shoulders. It was an indication for me to spread my arms and fly like a bird. The first thought in my head. Where the hell is the photographer? I need to smile for my pics! I find a man in black arising from no where. The "woooohooo - girl" takes over. The mojo's and various hand signs are raising their pompous heads against the heavy winds that threaten to deform my raised fingers! I don't care. I need a great pic! My grandchildren need to know their granny was super cool!

60 seconds of free fall and the parachutes are out. One jolt and we ascend quickly towards the heavens. The world stands still. Winds gushing through my ears making way to my brains. Looking at the minion under my feet I felt like an empress! Did you buy that? Dumb heads! I felt caught between the sky and ground, suspended with thin ropes tied to a flimsy peice of sheet which could've been stored in a rat infested place, with a stranger and was making polite conversations to know that we wouldn't find ourselves tangles to a tree on our way down!

"How do you know where you have to land?". My innocent words did stir up pure evil in him. "I have grown up here you know!" he says. I can almost feel him smiling end to end. Apparently some bright yellow numbers on the ground were our landing mark!

 Pressure on my back building, praying hard that my bone doesn't snap! But one look down and another look all around, I knew it was totally worth every breath I had taken!

Some experiences cannot be described in words. Not coz words would not do justice, but coz such words don't find a place in the dictionary! My world may not have changed since the dive, but my perspective in life sure as hell has. The one thing that remains, that has strengthened to the core - If I can do this, there's nothing in the world I can't do! If I can smile through this ordeal, quite frankly there are no situations that can take away the smile from me! I haven't conquered my fear. For all I know, this might have instilled fear of heights in me! But will I do this gain? HELL YEAH!

P.S: Don't tell me sky is the limit, when there are foot steps on the moon!

Place to call my own...

Three weeks, three different places, several goof ups and many of my most embarrassing moments later, here I am - sitting on my swiss gear sleeping bag (result of the last minute rush to the nearest Target store in downtown), on the 34th floor of a building, by the window side over looking a city buzzing with lights. Yo people, the time has come where I can finally call a place MINE!

A little Indian girl battling with 3 larger than life suitcases can cause a lot of commotion. Some of them like a hunk of a beast carrying her heaviest of suitcases without breaking a sweat, are surprisingly welcome! There you go - my home coming!!! One look at him and I know the purpose of me moving in to this new place - WORKING MY ASS OFF IN THE GYM! Did you guys buy that? Well, honestly I wish you did! I have had pizzas as my staple diet for almost over a week now - breakfast, lunch and dinner! (Thanking my stars that Mom is not net savvy and would not be at the receiving end of this post!)

As I look at the lights out side, I feel a strange rush which I can't quite comprehend! Life has been anything but as expected in the past few weeks. Everything that I would have imagined not doing has been done by me! Right from lasting an 18 hours flight without the slightest of urge to throw up to asking people for help for trivial things like using an oven (come on! It's different from the Onida back at home! Cut me some slack!) Any event I would've run away from, has come and slapped me in my face time and again. Getting lost in these never ending similar looking streets is my new way of finding myself! (There you go, I put in some philosophy, but trust me IT SUCKS!)

Smiling has indeed become a part of my nature (not complaining! I love what my smile can do! and not to forget I finally have a dental insurance!!!) I am no longer dumbstruck when I see people running vigorously  with minimal clothing while I shiver in spite of being covered head to toe. Although such athletic nature pokes me in my flab every now and then! I am still humbled to see men holding the doors open for me to pass as opposed to being pushed into space for blocking their path back home! (You know its true! Push and pull is a way of life in India!)

It's been 3 weeks since I left my comfortable life in Bangalore to explore a terrain of uncertainties here. I've yelped at the quality of tea and cried at the thought of eating; lived out of suitcases and roamed around downtown like an abandoned soul. If truth be told, LOVED every part of it. It may not show on my FB display pic, but I sure as hell am having a ball! My words say it all.

I can hear sirens, awakening the dead in the middle of the night. But I know I am safe, I am finally at a place I can call my own.

American Dreams

24 hours, an extremely ill-organized transit, 4 heavy bags, interesting fellow travelers, fake air turbulence's and 3 movies later - my first words of wisdom - "Her tits were in my face!" I turn around to see the source of this profound wisdom. A young american woman was describing her "escapades" with a bigger entity. (no pun intended guys!) It would be an understatement if I were to say my jaw dropped. I mean come on, when was the last time you heard something like this spoken in such high resonating frequency in India? Oh wait.. I am not in India any more am I? So lets say this was my "Welcome to America!" Not exactly one of the most conventional welcomes but hey, its the land of "liberty"!

I didn't pay a lot of heed to my teachers when they said, "Look left and then look right before crossing a road". This was the day they hadn't trained me for! Where do I look? I don't wanna get run over by a super fast car but I also don't wanna look stupid waiting for a signal to light my path! I am a bangalorean and no signal can ever slow a Bangalorean down! What do I do? Well, while most of you might use your brains, I blindly follow the person who appeared from nowhere and stood in front of me!Voila! Little Shubha is on the other side of the road!

An Indian has the strongest taste buds in the world! So what do we do when we step out of India? Crib about the tasteless food around! I am, quite clearly no different! My first visit to an Indian restaurant, a near disaster if I might add, witnessed me ordering more food than my jet lagged body could digest. After finishing half a parantha I look up only to see a family stealing glances at me. What? Haven't you guys ever seen a pretty Indian girl eating by herself??? Oh hang on? Am I supposed to eat with the silver ware? I mean use a fork and knife to tear my paranthas? Are you freaken retarded?? What do I do now? Do what this place is most known for - smile at strangers!

It's surprising that an Indian is the most Indian when he's outside India. The first independence day outside India, never felt so proud singing the national anthem with a group of fellow country men and women. Who says Independence day is just a holiday? I didn't get one this time!!!

Finally I find some time in the country of work-o-holic coffee drinkers (seriously! what's with the quantity of coffee people drink here!) to do something apart from be nice to people. As I see an untouched roti and half eaten bhindi curry, knowing I am staring at something that will find itself in my plate for lunch tomorrow; as I hear the metra hoot away to glory transporting people to a place diametrically opposite to their office; as I look out of my window seeing empty streets at 8:30 pm; I know this is a new leg of my journey. A journey where I would be attempting homicide my initiating cooking (a tear just rolled down my cheek), a journey where I would be adapting to a temperature of -20, a journey where my smile takes precedence over my middle finger! Lets rock!