Matrimonial bollocks

Marriages are made in heaven. BOLLOCKS!! As far as I am concerned marriages are made on this God damned earth by jobless old people who's only aim in life is to get everyone in the world married!
"Oh!! Your daughter is almost on the verge of finishing her college. Have you thought of getting her married?" No bitch. But I guess you can do with a second one to savor your appetite!

"Your daughter is done with her college. She's landed a job! Start looking for a suitable match." Match? You think anyone can match me? Guess you donated your brain when you opened a marriage bureau!

"She's getting old. Get her married." I mean like, FUCK OFF! I can nail any one I want 20 years from now. You think about the sorry excuse called your life!!

Make no mistake about this one. I am not narrating my story. This is the common and most standard observation! Indian society runs on the strong foundation of "Your business is my business." But sadly for people who live their life by this principle, there are a lot of GenX free spirits who would like to spit on your faces but still let you have an opinion. Not coz they think you are right. But coz they believe that opinions are like ass holes, every ones gotta have one! (This line is truly an epic.. bless the soul who came up with it!!)

"Progressive society" is an illusion. "Women empowerment" is a joke. I don't wanna sound offensive but this is the truth. How can you call a society progressive if women are judged by their most personal choices? No eyebrows are raised when a man decides to settle down late. He was concentrating on his career. Such a wise move, they say. Maintain the same situation, change the gender and check out for the offensive reactions. It's a bad move. How can she put her career before her family? they say. So I guess I need not explain as to why the so called "woman empowerment" goes down the drain.

I guess once you are over 50 and you see a young spirit, happy, smiling, full of life you get diabolic and think, "So much happiness? What has she done to deserve it? I never lived like that. Why should she? Lets curb her freedom!" I could almost swear these are the actual thoughts running behind all the "aunties" roaming your streets and patting your cheeks in every function they run into you! At this point I can't decide what should scare me more - a cockroach looking at me with its antennas raised or this evil thoughts running in ultra narrow minds!

It is a given, that anybody who doesn't live by the society rules is an outcast. An unmarried woman above 30 is looked at with suspicious eyes.

"Wonder why she is still single.", "Oh dear God! Her poor parents! What has she put them through?","How will she have kids if she doesn't get married!" And the all time favorite line of society - "There must be something wrong with her."

You know what, you repulsive dweebs she's single coz she loves it that way. She rather put her parents through few more years of wait than ruin her life, in turn causing them irreparable damage. And guess they changed the syllabus when we were studying. Coz from what I read in my books, marriage has nothing to do with "starting a family". (yeah.. an uppercut punch ass holes.. IN YOUR FACE!) Finally, yes there is something wrong with her. Something, that given your intellect, is far from your comprehension. She wants to live, she wants to breathe, she wants to fight her own battles. She needs no one to protect her, she wants to own whatever she does. She knows her power and wants to use it. She doesn't mean to offend anyone but she would fight any cause that dares to capture her soul for she knows losing her life is easier than losing her free spirit.

P.S : There is no crime more hideous than caging a free spirit.

Poxed out!!

As you know by now, I was down with chicken pox few weeks earlier. I've spoken lengths about how I "braved" the disease! But I guess for how much I have learnt in these few weeks, I need to be thankful that I experienced what I did. It taught me the importance of spreading joy. (Don't cringe! You'll love the story ahead. You got my word on that!!)

For the record, I hate sharing. My things are my own and if people have a problem with it, then, well, it would be best if they were to keep it to themselves! So now that I've established that "giving" is not something that comes naturally to me, lemme tell you about this incident where, for the first time I felt the "joy of giving".

After almost two weeks of peace at home, I squirm at the very thought of going to office. After all I "love" that place! (I guess I just puked a little in my mouth!) So with a heavy heart, I step out of the elevator. An invisible tear dripped across my cheek. People greeted me with what seemed like a mixture of shock and fear. Shock looking at my beauty and fear coz they thought their immune system was next! I almost felt like the Naga from Immortals of Meluha!

I sat on my chair. This kinda symbolizes setting sun. Dreading the amount of work that had piled up and getting repulsed at the every thought of interacting with dim-wits I stared blankly at my system. I think if there's anyone who understands me in office, it has to be my comp. It takes ages to switch on and another set of ages to get the applications running at a normal speed. Probably it's trying to keep me away from misery. Poor junk box. I always knew they had feelings!

"You think you know me.. <heavy metal> On this day, I see clearly.. everything has come to life......" Ya people.. that's my ringtone.KICK-ASS! I love it, every time my phone rings! It's a feeling of pure joy! I retrieve my cell from my pant pocket very easily (it's called weight loss people!) and stare with utter disgust at the name displayed. What now?, I think.

"Hello.... ya, I am in office...ya, I am ok... what?? really??.. REALLY?? <I sprang up from the chair and look at Shrulee muttering under my breath>....ohh.. that's sad.. <shrulee and gang have a look of shocked excitement on their faces> but wait.. REALLY??.. <excitement has spread far beyond and broad smile spread over peoples faces> hang on REALLLLLLYYY??? <No Shubha.. your not giggling into the man's ears! That's inhuman>but I thought you had it as a kid....  <cover the mouth piece and laugh loudly.. what the heck.. i am no human!!>  You should take rest.... I'll manage here..<ouch.. my ribs hurt.. how I love this sweet pain of laughter!>

If you are still wondering what was the conversation all about, then I am gonna tell you nothing but the summary. It's 10:30 in the night and I laugh real loud. So not wanting to scare my neighbors, I'll directly jump to the jist. I had spread the joy of chicken pox!!!! <you wont believe how wonderful and complete this smile I am wearing on my face looks> Unintentionally, unknowingly I had given a lot of people reason to smile!! To all my friends, who think I am a reincarnation of evil, there you go, I proved you right. And to the others, well..., ummm.. I guess there's justice in nature after all!

More than anything, I was flabbergasted by the reactions of the wonderful people around me.

"You finally took your revenge"

"Are you serious? I owe you biiiig time!"

"This is the best thing you've ever done!"

And this by far is my personal favorite. "Hey could you go sit next to my boss for a while??"

With all that attention, I feel like I could be used as a potent biological weapon! <Hope USA doesn't find me!>

All jokes aside, I firmly believe that if you laugh at someone's misery and are malicious about it, your good times take few more steps towards bidding you good bye. So lemme clear one thing for all of you. I am not ridiculing the fact that "transition" had happened so smoothly. But what I find extremely hilarious is how life bites you real hard in the butt when you least expect it and ensures you are standing all throughout your humiliation. (you can't sit, with the bite on your butt!!!!)

So all I can say is, be good, do good, eat healthy, keep your immune systems strong, respect all diseases enough to not let them enter your body and most importantly stay away from me!

P.S : I celebrate my one month anniversary of the pox today! 

Pa

Oh my God!, When will he start treating me like a grown up?, I thought. I am sick of being looked after every single time. I wanna make my own mistakes and learn from them. I wanna experience it all. He doesn't let me make any! I should get out of here!

And get out of there, I did. Few months later.

Doc: You need to get an MRI. Let's see what's actually causing the pain.

What? MRI? Sounds cool, no doubt about it. But I don't even know what it stands for! And look at that monster of a machine! It's gonna gobble me up. I am not sleeping my way into its big mouth! No way. I mean NO WAY! I was alone and not to mention shit scared! I just wanted to do one thing.

"Hello, Pa. How are you?", I mumbled.
"Good. Are you fine? Why did you call at this time?"

Yup.. 10 am is not the time I called my mom, let alone dad!

"I am fine", I lied. I might as well have been shitting bricks! "Just felt like talking!" Again lying. I just wanted to hear his voice. A man who's guarded me against everything - from a mosquito bite (oh ya!) to anything remotely painful! The very same thing that I detested or should I say in my words "wanted to experience".

As it's said, be careful what you wish for, you might actually get it! And get it, I did. Almost like a deluge! And I realized, I probably wasn't strong enough to take it all! I wanted to be protected again. I wanted all the pain to be vanish, as if it never existed. I wanted to go back to the guarded castle and never step out!

He's redefined unconditional love for me. Thinking about it, my life is closed to being jeopardized! All I can say to any guy who claims to wanna share his life with me, "Can you beat that, sucker!" Answer is ever so obvious. A big bold upper-case NO!

Even though I haven't been blessed with his height or weight *sob sob* (all of you who've seen dad know why the weight matters as much as it does!!), he's instilled in me values and principles which I am more than proud to flaunt! For a man, who's entire life revolved around walking the talk, this is a great achievement!

I've tried to ape him ever since I was a little girl. Whether it is the way he holds a ball-point pen or his crystal clear handwriting or his impeccable English or his crisp manners or his passion for knowledge or simply his perfection. Years have passed. I still hold the pen like a 10 year old, write like a 13 year old, refer to oxford dictionary for every other word, think of learning something new only when a sword dangles over my head and believe in imperfection is perfection! I short, aping hasn't got me where I wanted to be! But if what you wanna become is as epic as him, just trying should get you brownie points!

"I take this work as a part of my life. I need to do this as I do everything else in my life." he says. No, I am not talking about his office work. This work comprises of just helping out at home when the maid decides to take her quota of non-existent holidays! Without any complains or bickering, he does what he's supposed to! (I remember asking mom for 100 bucks a month to do this work, a decade and a half back!!) If I were to show this behavior at my work place, apart from giving few people massive heart attacks, I would be going places! (At his point, I think of what I do and shake my head. Sorry Pa, not gonna apply it here!!)

It's kinda strange how we can yap for hours together to our mommies, while a call with our dads last for a few seconds (on a good day probably a couple of minutes!) In time, moms become our best friends and secret-keepers, while dads remain a rock you can bank upon. May not be true in all cases, but according to the survey I conducted, holds good for most!

I am super glad to say, after all this time I can successfully have a conversation with dad for a long long time, multiple times a day, discuss about hot men (Oh yeah baby!) and also about the not-so-hot-ones who need to be showed a way out of my life! I really have no idea what took me this long to find a friend in this fantastic man. (I get to talk boys with Pa, he's a friend alright!!!)

As he celebrates his 60 plus 2 birthday today, I am looking at a man, who easily looks a decade younger, praying with all my heart I have got his genes of aging gracefully and looking younger no matter what!! So here's wishing many more years of youth and loads of love to the youngest 62 year old I've ever come across. Love you Pa! 

Love love love

She wished for him on full moon nights. She did every little thing to be in his good books. She opened her inbox hoping to get a mail from him. She slept with her phone next to her ears not wanting to miss his calls even when the night was dead. She dreamt of him, she spoke of him, whatever she did was connected to him at some level or the other. She looked at him with her puppy dog eyes, in midst of all the blushing. She hoped one day he would return her look and hopefully even return the feeling. In short, she loved him. He didn't love her. That didn't stop her from revolving her entire life around him. Pure, innocent love.

Years passed. The bond just strengthened. She loved him more than ever. Winds of change had changed their course. The guys heart begins to beat for her. A feeling that he had never experienced before, a feeling that scared the living day lights out of him. He snubbed the feelings. "You are too good for me", he said. But she didn't give up. She should have. I definitely would've!! She believed in heart of hearts, they were meant to be.

Time flew by. He was a fine young man. She was a tender girl. "You are too good for me", he said. Something inside her broke. Something which probably would never be fixed. She moved away. She let go. If it is meant to be, it will. There was a hole drilled in her heart. The hope in her heart leaked out a little from it. Little bit every passing day.

Life does work in mysterious way. It brought them face to face. Confrontation wasn't easy for a guy who's heart was frozen in time and the girl who's heart was locked. They were perfect for one another. Forces of nature bought them together. Such is the strength of plea of love.

First time in life they experienced happiness. They smiled, they laughed, they held hands and went on romantic walks. They looked into each others eyes, thankful that they happened.

"I wanna spend my life with you. That's the only dream I've ever had", she said.
"I want the same love. But we have to wait. My dreams await me. I need to fulfill them", he said

For the first time she realized, probably she was never his dream. She wasn't even a part of it. Tears rolled down her cheek. "It's ok", she said. "I am gonna be there for him. Probably one day I'll be a part of his dream"

The guy starts chasing his dreams. Every step he takes, the dreams evade him further.

"It's all gonna be ok honey. I am there for you" she said.

Few years pass by. The dream remains unfulfilled.


"I wanna realize your dream with you. ", she said.
"My dreams are my own. I need to realize them.", he said
"Let me be a part of it. Lets realize your dreams together. Please take me with you", she said

She didn't get an answer.Silence tore her apart. Probably she should have got the cue. But she shrugged it off. Hole in her heart grew bigger dispersing more hope. "Things will get better, I hope", she thought.

Years later.
"Don't make me chose between my dreams and you. You are not gonna like the answer", he said. "I am doing this for us. Don't stifle me. This is how its gonna be. The choice is yours. Stay if you want to".

There was no hole. Just a broken heart. All the hope had escaped leaving a shadow of a girl she used to be.

Few months later:
"I know it's too early and I don't know much about you. But I would like to spend my entire life knowing you and loving you the way only I can. You are the dream I want to realize, you are the life I wanna live. Just give me a chance and I'll make sure your smile shines brighter than the sun", he said

It had been months since the guy left her broken. For years she had loved the guy only to have a dream chosen over her. This was her chance to break free. This was a chance with a man who probably wasn't who she desired. He wasn't a man of her dreams, but he was a man who would realize her dream. Nursing a broken heart is easier if you have someone to nurse it with you.

She looked back once and for the last time. There he stood, the guy of her dreams. Hoping she would wait for him, but not letting her be a part of his dream ; claiming he loved her but not holding her hand. Tears rolled down her cheek, for what could have been and what was. "Good bye my love", she said.

The man took her hand ; a hold that signified love, a hold of support. She looked at the ring on her finger - birth of a new relation and a seal on the old one. A step ahead into a new life, a step towards mending a broken heart, a step that would change her life forever. Some stories have to end for new ones to begin.

More often than not love and loved ones are taken for granted. They understand what I am going through, you think. But is that always the case? Is that how responsible you can get while handling something that fragile? Why does it always have to be a choice between your loved ones and your dream? Can't they go hand in hand? It's always lonely at the top. Any amount of success, stature, money is nothing if you don't have someone to share it with. Any dream that's built on broken relations and hurting hearts cannot sustain for a long time. And when it does come down shattering, you don't have anyone to support you through it.

I am no love guru but I can say this with utmost conviction - finding love is tough. If you have not found it, then make sure you don't blow it away when it finds you. If you've found it then hold on to it. No dream is worth living if you have no one to live it with for love elevates you to where you belong.

P.S : For all those who have found their soul mates, I've just 3 words for you - MAKE IT WORK!

One down

It's been a year since I got off a fantastic roller coaster ride. A ride that lasted 3 years 3 months. A ride that left my teeth cluttering in cold but also introduced me to lovely people who managed to keep me warm for as long as they did. A ride where I learnt that show biz is not restricted to the big screen or TV! Nevertheless a ride which was supposed to shape my career but ended up shaping my life instead!


A year back, I had had enough, or so I thought! Politics was not for me, master manipulator is what I could never become, I couldn't find my foot hold in the show biz, in short the IT culture didn't suit my personality. Its said, When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. So I decided to go and I mean just go, no regard to the future, no thought about the ramifications of the decision I was about to take. I just wanted to run away from where I was stuck. So as you can see I had successfully misinterpreted the saying!


With no action plan, I set off. My only aim in life was to seek happiness and find that one thing which I could finally convert into my passion. These are a few profound words that I would love to abide by! But its easier said than done. When you are on the way to find your destiny, there are several distractions - some necessary some unwanted and some plain luring evil! Money, fame, society come under the last category. Not surprisingly this category has a great power of attraction, probably even greater than gravity!Once you get caught up in this attraction field, your downhill journey begins. Downhill, coz its easy - bloody damn easy. One loose pebble that you step on increases the rate of your journey. Guess that's why most people fall under this category coz its so damn effortless.The only decision to be made when one reaches the foot of the hill is whether to remain there or to climb the way back to the top.

One year later, it would be far from truth if I were to say I've found my passion! I am still surrounded by "budding ministers" and people with shocking intellectual levels (please note the sarcasm!). Whether my decision was right or wrong, I would never know. But what I do know is it helps to not plan every living breath of your life! Decisions involving less of your brains can often get you to places where you have wanted to be, doing things you have always dreamt of doing. So in short shut your brains off!!

P.S: Special thanks to my Sailor,Babe of my life, Hot @$$ and Poosh for lending me their brains while mine was shut down!