Free fall!

"Just remember one thing", he said. "If something were to happen to you both, I would still be fine!" Not exactly the most encouraging words to fill your ears 11000 ft above the ground. But hey, life is not all rosey all the time! At times you do have people whispering in your ears that they have no clue what would happen when you are mercilessly thrown out of the plane at spine chilling heights and that its completely fine to crash coz their company would ensure there would be double casualty than single! (And you guys think i am evil???) Sky diving is one mean encounter with nature and man!

Why? Who in their sane minds and jittery back wanna risk their lives in hands of a mad man? Take a deep breath, wait for it, take a bow - I WOULD! Don't have answers to weird questions like why, what and what the.... I am not exactly the most adventurous person walking on God's green earth. But I sure as hell am one crazy thing wanting to experience all there is to experience. The kinds who rather jump off a plane than face a camera for an interview!

I guess it was my karma coming back at me, when I saw my friends with instructors literally badgering their brains with all the information they need and my instructor on the other hand smoking a ciggy and flirting with ladies! (Nopes, I wasn't one of them and me not appealing to him was the last concern in my head back then. Now I can deduce that he was blind!) As I helplessly looked at him from a distance, wondering if he were qualified to be an instructor (his beer belly led to some serious concerns!), hoping against hope that I wasn't a goat he would slaughter to get back at his boss and praying he gave atleast a tiny rats ass to my safety!

The carrier arrived. So did the last minute photographer - sweaty, puffing-panting, tired.. well, not really giving me the most comforting feeling! "I am nervous" he said. "Just what I wanted", my heart thumped. I knew it was gonna be one hell of a ride with all the smart funny asses to give me company! With my right eye blinking, I knew something was gonna go wrong. I don't believe in proving myself wrong! i broke my nail! (Anyone close to me (even in proximity) knows I could kill to maintain my whities!)

Our instructors laid down the set of rules for us. Rule one - Smile. Rule two - Keep smiling. Rule three - Don't know what it is. But its something to do with the safety! No one really concentrates on the third one once your in the air!

For a normal person, these words would be enough to get the hair at the back of your necks stand! But didn't we establish that I am far superior to be addressed as normal??? Broad smile never left my face. On the hindsight, I guess the smile was more like "I am screwed!"

"It is coming", he said. The door opens. I pull down my goggles in the nick of time to ensure my lense doesn't fly away with the hopes of me watching the ground below crystal clear! OMG! This is what God sees everyday. Tiny trees, tiny fields and not one human soul! 

Hang on! I am not ready. I can't freaken do this now. It's too high and we are both fat! We'll hit the ground before your parachute opens.

Of course these were the words in my head. Dancing an evil dance of death. My lips were parched, frozen, open but shut at the same time.

"I am gonna die" I thought, "I know I will. I love you mom. I love you Dad. And babie, you rock my world, love you loooads!" The world stops.Before I get the time to comprehend what hit me, we were off the plane, spinning and rotating like a top caught in a strong gush of wind. All the monacos in my stomach threatened to come out. But hey, I was 11000 ft above the ground. I could do whatever the hell I wanted in the 60 seconds before I fall on the ground and break my skull!

I felt the tap on my shoulders. It was an indication for me to spread my arms and fly like a bird. The first thought in my head. Where the hell is the photographer? I need to smile for my pics! I find a man in black arising from no where. The "woooohooo - girl" takes over. The mojo's and various hand signs are raising their pompous heads against the heavy winds that threaten to deform my raised fingers! I don't care. I need a great pic! My grandchildren need to know their granny was super cool!

60 seconds of free fall and the parachutes are out. One jolt and we ascend quickly towards the heavens. The world stands still. Winds gushing through my ears making way to my brains. Looking at the minion under my feet I felt like an empress! Did you buy that? Dumb heads! I felt caught between the sky and ground, suspended with thin ropes tied to a flimsy peice of sheet which could've been stored in a rat infested place, with a stranger and was making polite conversations to know that we wouldn't find ourselves tangles to a tree on our way down!

"How do you know where you have to land?". My innocent words did stir up pure evil in him. "I have grown up here you know!" he says. I can almost feel him smiling end to end. Apparently some bright yellow numbers on the ground were our landing mark!

 Pressure on my back building, praying hard that my bone doesn't snap! But one look down and another look all around, I knew it was totally worth every breath I had taken!

Some experiences cannot be described in words. Not coz words would not do justice, but coz such words don't find a place in the dictionary! My world may not have changed since the dive, but my perspective in life sure as hell has. The one thing that remains, that has strengthened to the core - If I can do this, there's nothing in the world I can't do! If I can smile through this ordeal, quite frankly there are no situations that can take away the smile from me! I haven't conquered my fear. For all I know, this might have instilled fear of heights in me! But will I do this gain? HELL YEAH!

P.S: Don't tell me sky is the limit, when there are foot steps on the moon!

Place to call my own...

Three weeks, three different places, several goof ups and many of my most embarrassing moments later, here I am - sitting on my swiss gear sleeping bag (result of the last minute rush to the nearest Target store in downtown), on the 34th floor of a building, by the window side over looking a city buzzing with lights. Yo people, the time has come where I can finally call a place MINE!

A little Indian girl battling with 3 larger than life suitcases can cause a lot of commotion. Some of them like a hunk of a beast carrying her heaviest of suitcases without breaking a sweat, are surprisingly welcome! There you go - my home coming!!! One look at him and I know the purpose of me moving in to this new place - WORKING MY ASS OFF IN THE GYM! Did you guys buy that? Well, honestly I wish you did! I have had pizzas as my staple diet for almost over a week now - breakfast, lunch and dinner! (Thanking my stars that Mom is not net savvy and would not be at the receiving end of this post!)

As I look at the lights out side, I feel a strange rush which I can't quite comprehend! Life has been anything but as expected in the past few weeks. Everything that I would have imagined not doing has been done by me! Right from lasting an 18 hours flight without the slightest of urge to throw up to asking people for help for trivial things like using an oven (come on! It's different from the Onida back at home! Cut me some slack!) Any event I would've run away from, has come and slapped me in my face time and again. Getting lost in these never ending similar looking streets is my new way of finding myself! (There you go, I put in some philosophy, but trust me IT SUCKS!)

Smiling has indeed become a part of my nature (not complaining! I love what my smile can do! and not to forget I finally have a dental insurance!!!) I am no longer dumbstruck when I see people running vigorously  with minimal clothing while I shiver in spite of being covered head to toe. Although such athletic nature pokes me in my flab every now and then! I am still humbled to see men holding the doors open for me to pass as opposed to being pushed into space for blocking their path back home! (You know its true! Push and pull is a way of life in India!)

It's been 3 weeks since I left my comfortable life in Bangalore to explore a terrain of uncertainties here. I've yelped at the quality of tea and cried at the thought of eating; lived out of suitcases and roamed around downtown like an abandoned soul. If truth be told, LOVED every part of it. It may not show on my FB display pic, but I sure as hell am having a ball! My words say it all.

I can hear sirens, awakening the dead in the middle of the night. But I know I am safe, I am finally at a place I can call my own.

American Dreams

24 hours, an extremely ill-organized transit, 4 heavy bags, interesting fellow travelers, fake air turbulence's and 3 movies later - my first words of wisdom - "Her tits were in my face!" I turn around to see the source of this profound wisdom. A young american woman was describing her "escapades" with a bigger entity. (no pun intended guys!) It would be an understatement if I were to say my jaw dropped. I mean come on, when was the last time you heard something like this spoken in such high resonating frequency in India? Oh wait.. I am not in India any more am I? So lets say this was my "Welcome to America!" Not exactly one of the most conventional welcomes but hey, its the land of "liberty"!

I didn't pay a lot of heed to my teachers when they said, "Look left and then look right before crossing a road". This was the day they hadn't trained me for! Where do I look? I don't wanna get run over by a super fast car but I also don't wanna look stupid waiting for a signal to light my path! I am a bangalorean and no signal can ever slow a Bangalorean down! What do I do? Well, while most of you might use your brains, I blindly follow the person who appeared from nowhere and stood in front of me!Voila! Little Shubha is on the other side of the road!

An Indian has the strongest taste buds in the world! So what do we do when we step out of India? Crib about the tasteless food around! I am, quite clearly no different! My first visit to an Indian restaurant, a near disaster if I might add, witnessed me ordering more food than my jet lagged body could digest. After finishing half a parantha I look up only to see a family stealing glances at me. What? Haven't you guys ever seen a pretty Indian girl eating by herself??? Oh hang on? Am I supposed to eat with the silver ware? I mean use a fork and knife to tear my paranthas? Are you freaken retarded?? What do I do now? Do what this place is most known for - smile at strangers!

It's surprising that an Indian is the most Indian when he's outside India. The first independence day outside India, never felt so proud singing the national anthem with a group of fellow country men and women. Who says Independence day is just a holiday? I didn't get one this time!!!

Finally I find some time in the country of work-o-holic coffee drinkers (seriously! what's with the quantity of coffee people drink here!) to do something apart from be nice to people. As I see an untouched roti and half eaten bhindi curry, knowing I am staring at something that will find itself in my plate for lunch tomorrow; as I hear the metra hoot away to glory transporting people to a place diametrically opposite to their office; as I look out of my window seeing empty streets at 8:30 pm; I know this is a new leg of my journey. A journey where I would be attempting homicide my initiating cooking (a tear just rolled down my cheek), a journey where I would be adapting to a temperature of -20, a journey where my smile takes precedence over my middle finger! Lets rock!

One fine morning

Finally... Back in my kingdom! It's funny how things which invigorate you are over shadowed by things that compel you to lead a delusional "busy" life. Anyways, this ain't the time to talk philosophy! This is the time to celebrate for I finally got my password right and could log in just to play with words! Life is awesome again!

I have been looking for a topic to mark my comeback in the world of blogging. And it has been a reaallly long look out! After asking a bunch of sophisticated nobodies, I decided to acknowledge this time in my life - a time, where I voluntarily lost my life support system to the land of snakes and dragons (Ya babie, life ain't same without you in it!) ; a time where I decided to temporarily introduce my life with hot strangers only to realize they were generations younger to moi and felt dejected at the inevitable aging (SUCCKS!!); a time that has brought enough amount of distraction at work to keep me out of my seat for longer than on it (Yes, my lead doesn't have access to this link!); a time, where everything seems to have come to a standstill, just like still water. A time, where I decide to lose the extra buddies, strategically placing themselves on my body at all the wrong places (Thank you Pizzas and sweets. Life would've been "lighter" withotu you!)


The alarm shrieks at sharp 5:00 am. Thanks to my wise move of replacing my previous sober alarm with the current "awakening-the-dead" alarm, I cannot lazily drag my ass off bed a good 2 hours later pretending not having heard to it! I wake up. Oh wait, is this a head ache? I think it is? It's my exercise time! So most definitely it's a headache! Hang on, is that the wind banging against my windows? Surely, it's asking me to sleep extra long coz it doesn't wanna harm my fragile health and bring me under the weather. I get what it is. It's a voice in my head, saying it's not your cup of tea! That's my alarm right there! I pull the sheets off my ailing body. There's nothing in the world "I" can't do!!!

As I drag my yoga mat out, I am almost certain a cockroach would launch an attack for taking away its sleeping place! The cockroach eaten sides of my mat only fuel my suspicion! As the mat hits the floor, no living beings are found on/in and around it. The stage is set. Millions of thoughts run into my head. Which performance would be more appreciated? A splendid display of surya namaskars - only leading to a doctors visit the next day? A possessed dance to loosen my muscles, at the risk of waking any other sleeping soul around? Weighing all the pros and cons I decide to stick to the routine of strengthening my back and stretching my glutes. Meditation opens the door to a wonderful world of unknown. Looks like in my case, this door is gonna be shut for quite sometime! Hats off to you guys who manage to sit in the same position and think of well.. whatever it is you guys think off!

Time for some fresh air now! As I approach the park, fearing to be the only girl in midst of few people who ooze out an aura of mental instability, my eyes pop out of my sockets looking at the hustle bustle in the park at that hour! I mean, really guys! I know its a wonderful morning but do you have any idea how wonderful it is to lie under sheets and snuggle amongst your pillows? Anways ignoring the ever increasing population in bangalore I brave my way through the crowd. Stay focused, says the mind. Everytime I begin to concentrate on my breathing, some freak passes me by, gasping for oxygen. If only I could ask them to stop for a while and consume all the oxygen the plants around us seem to be giving out! But people always are in a hurry. Running on their two feet behind some elusive weight loss, I suppose!

Leave all this aside, FOCUS says the mind again. Ha ha ha ha.. ho ho ho ho.. The sound of laughters fills my ears. What the hell is this? Laughter club! I seriously do not understand the concept of laughter clubs. The same people who think its cool to mechanically laugh like a pshyco give me the looks when I laugh whole heartedly (may be without a reason as in most cases!)

I march on turning my face away from all the amusement that seems to surround me! As its said, obstacles are what you see when you lose focus on the goal. Guess it's high time I realise the seemingly elusive dream of weight loss! More humour just round the corner as the transformation begins!

P.S: Sitting in office, typing this post early morning only makes me wish I could be paid for keeping fit!!!

Ma

“I am not talking to you. You make me eat leaves! They are green, they are yuck and they are LEAVES!”. One of my first memories of my short vegan life! As my temper touched the roof, I stood inside the bathroom. The same bathroom that witnessed the crime of a bowl of spinach rice being flushed to oblivion! I had locked myself in, yelling periodically in midst of my sobs. The lady on the other side of the door was persuading me to let myself out. But I wouldn’t budge until she promised me to never stuff my face with veggies! This incident marked the initiation of a test – test of patience for a woman who I have always pushed to the wall; a woman who makes me wonder, “if this is how a lady is supposed to behave, I am surely a devil in disguise!”; a woman who has redefined the word patience; a woman who’s taught me the meaning of unconditional love and always left me wondering if I was even capable to returning it in minimal amounts! ;a woman of solid principles and a precious heart; a woman I call “Ma”. 

 Sometimes its best to leave things unspoken coz you may not do justice to them while capturing them in flow of words. What I feel for Mom is one such thing. I guess all of you would agree with me on this one. But I would still go ahead with my sincere efforts to recognize and appreciate this excellent creation of God, my mother. Being a home maker for around 30 years, Ma has shouldered the most vital responsibility of holding the family together and keeping us grounded at all points in time. I shudder at the very thought of not having my Mom serving as LOC during war times with Dad!  It’s surprises me at how the job of a home maker is thankless and doesn’t come with a retirement age! Imagine a work environment with peers/managers not stopping to as much as acknowledge your work and get back to you when you least expect only to dump more work on you! Sucks right? Now imagine working for free! Did you imagine that? Sorry, I couldn’t even think of it as a remote possibility!!! 

 It always amazes me how my salary sprouts wings and flies out of the window even before month end! Looking back at my growing up years, I had demands, few more expensive than the others! I would always use my puppy dog eyes to my advantage, “Ma! I want!”. Not hearing a no for an answer, my please would transform into, “Ma!!! I want! I WANT!!“. Guess what? I did get what I want. But I never knew what transpired between the initial no and the final conceding yes. I probably would never know, just like all the sacrifices Mom has made over the years, without keeping a count.  It’s said sacrificing comes naturally to a woman. As unfair and chauvinistic I find this statement, looking at the examples in my life, I know its true. I can’t count the number of sleepless nights Ma has had coz of my impending exams! It hurts me to relive those moments where my dreams took precedence over her needs. I can’t cook to save my life! But commenting on her cooking is like breathing! I am ashamed of all the times I cringed looking at the food, “Don’t you know I don’t like this! Why do you keep preparing this!!” without as much as sparing a thought that probably she liked it, probably she woke up at unearthly hours just to make sure I don’t leave house on an empty stomach.  My first ever drawing was made with my Mom holding my little hand, struggling to hold the crayon. My master piece comprised of a house and 2 trees. I was proud of it. She was proud of me! As the time passed, she was still proud of me. Not that I gave her a lot of reasons to feel that way. But the very thought that Ma appreciates me instills faith in me. “I must have something good going for Ma to feel this way about me“, I think. All the competitions I have participated, all the competitions I have won, have 2 things in common – an utterly nervous me and a loving confident presence next to me, Ma.  Being the only child, I redefined tantrums. From plaiting my hair to draping my first sari, from my first day at school to my last exam in college, my journey has seen her being a silent witness. I talk about a woman who gave away everything she wanted to make way for my dreams. She lived every minute of her motherhood making me the person I am today. I am very proud, not for who I have become but for the reason I am who I am. To say she changed my life would be unfair, for she is my life. I have lived in her for 9 months – a bond, which I may not even understand completely; the same bond which gave her reason to be what she is now. Who say’s there’s a woman behind every successful man? I say there’s a woman behind anything successful! Mom indeed is the world. Hands that rocked my cradle surely did rule my world.