Just like that...

In one of my earlier posts, I had mentioned " If you think life is unfair, then you are a racist." I guess I should have sugar coated my words. It would be easier to get them down my throat.

My hours and hours of travelling to and fro has made me a silent witness to a lot of incidents. Some pleasant, some painful and some that accentuate my learning curve. I was looking out of my window, watching the busy roads and trying to make sense of the senseless traffic around me. My eyes feel on a squirrel attempting to cross the road. Suddenly the signal turns green. Flurry of vehicles proceed in the direction of the squirrel. A car was fast approaching the squirrel, which makes it through one set of tyres. Just when I was about to breath a sigh of relief, the other set of tyre runs it over. I shriek. In matter of seconds several other tyres are making their away over its tiny body. As I feel the trickle of tears, I ponder how can life be this unfair? How can life be over in a blink of an eye? How can all the hopes be crushed in an instant? Just like that?

I know some really mean jack asses. They are leading a blissful life after drowning others in misery. They are alive! Hell, their in-your-face paunch showcase their over flowing wealth! I am not God, but I know for a fact that if this world is a happy place, it will be happier with certain suitable demises.

I was still in a state of despair when I found myself in another jam. I saw a man on a handicap tricycle make his away on the busy one way in the opposite direction. He was caught in midst nowhere when a skoda octavia comes face to face with him. Surrounded by traffic, riding in the wrong direction didn't seem to bother the man. He was busy yanking over the phone. Well, with all due respect to him, if I were caught in that situation with a pair of limbs that would not come to my defense, I would panic and look around for help in a jiffy! I was even more interested in his actions now. With all the traffic in the world in front my bus, I knew I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I guess he realized the same. He hung up. Taking control of his vehicle - one hand rotating the lever, the other maneuvering the handle, he took the front tyre of the tricycle on the pavement. The left tyre followed and right tyre balance itself on the road. He whizzed past skoda. I strained my neck to see him. But he had vanished. Just like that..

The answers to the questions I had previously asked, started falling in place. This time there were no tears, no sympathy, just deep respect for human spirit. Yes, life can be unfair. Really unfair. It can give you everything you ever dreamt off and take it away the next instant. It can spur up hopes in you but in a blink of an eye splash water on it. But that should never stop you from living. Fair or unfair, there's one life given to you. Whether you drown in the deluge of self pity or swim to the shore, its your call. There are times you feel helpless. But you need to realize that there will be times when you have no control over things. Holding on to things that need to be freed will make you a prisoner.  Learn to let go.

Dark Night

During one of our soft skill training's we were asked to do an activity involving two people. They were made to stand one behind the other maintaining an arms distance between them. The person in front was to stand cross armed, close their eyes and fall back on their partners without taking any support, in any form, from her/his body. This includes no bending of knees, no letting go of our cross armed positions. Just falling backwards with our eyes closed. The exercise might sound simple as hell. But when it was my turn, just one look at the fragile girl who was taking her position to hold me as I fall, was enough to give me goosebumps. I thought, falling is embarrassing and when there is an audience embarrassment increases tenfold!! I failed in the first few attempts. Wanting to get done with the fiasco I decided to close my eye and take the plunge, backwards!!! As frail as the girl looked she could balance me! Moral of the story - you are never as fat as you think you are!!! <winks!>

The experience was done and dusted. Its only till recently did I realize the actual motive of it when I encountered a similar exercise in a book by Dr Joseph Murphy. Eyes are windows to the world. But it's been established time and again that what you see, cannot be believed. A perfect example of this would be Lady Justice. She has always been shown with a blindfold. This signifies an objective approach to things. In a mystical representation I can say there's always something more to things that what we see. So seeing is not believing. Coz more often than not, we see what we want to. We see fear coz we are scared of losing, we see failure coz we can't define success, we see pain, for we fear happiness would be short lived, we refuse love for the fear of losing it.

When you close you eyes, you shut yourself from the outside world. A perfect example would be the typical ghost scare all of us experienced as children. What did you do when you thought there was a ghost lurking in the corner of your room or under your bed? Most of us pulled up the sheets, covered our face, shut our eyes real tight so that no ghost could open them, even if he were to use all his might and prayed ourselves to sleep!!! Only to find ourselves unharmed the next day!

Now, coming back to the motive of the exercise. If we had kept our eyes open during the "fall" there would be a lotta doubts knocking our little brains. "What if I fall?", "I am gotta get laughed at royally!!!", "Why the hell am I doing this???" and blah blah. Even half a thought of such kind is enough for a person to say "I am not going ahead with this! This is lame!". This exercise is not about seeing how good are you at falling or how the other person excels in holding you just before you crack your skull. This is about building trust. Shutting your eyes to all your apprehensions, pushing your fears aside and embracing a world where, quite frankly you don't have a lot of say! Most importantly, trusting the fact that you are gonna be safe in that unknown kingdom.

In the so called "Kaliyug" trust is almost extinct. I guess that is one of the root causes of the downfall staring the society in its face! Since I have never been a "society person" I am not gonna expound on that topic anymore. But on a personal level, I truly believe that trust can do more than a lot of virtues put together. When you truly believe that there is a guiding force by your side and you acknowledge it, you cannot be harmed.

This concept has been beautifully explained under the name "Dark Night" in the book I am currently reading. A very apt name as generally dark is associated with evil. Hence, the not so appeasing side of humans is the "dark side". After every night comes a day, they say, hinting that night symbolizes all that's wrong with the world. But if you are able to understand the essence of dark night, you will be able to push through dark nights in your life with a faith that they will fade away leaving you stronger and teaching you skills required to lead a better life. Face the dark with the light of faith.

P.S : Recommendations - Brida by Paulo Coelho 

Forever...

Forever is the most corny word I've ever come across. Anything suffixed wit forever becomes corny by default. Whether its "I love you.. forever.." or "Best friends forever".. Aaarrgghh.. whoever comes up with such hackneyed phrases should be nailed to death! I mean come on.. I've let more intelligence than this, out of my ass! I am not denying that I may have used the same at some point in time in my life, but then again, everyone has had our heads in our ass sometime or the other!!

Back in college, when we were all younger, thinner and quite frankly dumber than now, we would give every incident more importance than it was due, think friendships would last for as long as we would live. I am alive now, in my prime, but where are all the relations I swore I would carry along? They are non-existent. Some, I had to let go, some let me go but a solid few of them stuck along. Is this forever? Well.. NOTHING is forever!

It's just like an ancient barter system. You give some, take some. Tangible or intangible, this "some" does play an important role. As a wise lady had once told me, every person in your life is there for a reason, to teach you something which only he/she can. Once their work is done, they move to their next destination. If a person is still there in your life, then probably the work is still in progress. Retrospecting, the line has absolute truth in it.

You need certain heartbreaks in your life to strengthen you to the core. So you need those people stepping in your life, pulling your heart out and making a mess out of your life. It's only then will you learn how to recollect yourself and redeem your life. They need to move out of your life just as mysteriously as they had moved in. Coz if they remain to stay, the work will never be done. You'll never find the strength.

On the other hand, there are people who stay for a real long time. Probably as long as you would live. These "best friends" of yours are required. Coz what they have to teach will take a long time for you to learn. So they stay, teaching you new lessons every mode of life.

You might think the tough decision is whom to take along and whom to let go. On the contrary this is the easiest move! You just need to live. Live through the experiences, live your life. When the going gets tough, you find the toughs backing you up. The rest are blown away in the winds of change. They were never meant to be there for longer than their life span in your relationship! Don't get bitter or bogged down by their exit. Instead, look at the one's that are still in your life, enriching it with their very presence.

To all the people who were a part of my life, in one way or the other, thanks for making it as long as you did and an even bigger thanks for moving out! Quite frankly, even for someone as heartless as me, its kinda tough to show the door all the time! Moving on is so much more peaceful yet happening than holding on!

People come, people go, you forget some, some forget you - just don't miss the lesson each one had to share, for then, you would've missed more than you can afford to bear!

Sinful Delusions

When something is missing in your life and you are oblivious of its absence, then being optimistic about the whole thing, I would call this state bliss. After all ignorance is bliss! Knowing something is missing, but not knowing what it is, is excruciating. Having no missing pieces in the jigsaw puzzle of your life and still pushing yourself to thinking "there's something missing" - DELUSIONAL!

I've been in the second state for a while now! And OMG! It hurts! This brings me to the most frequently asked question - what is it, that you think is missing? Duh!! If I knew, it wouldn't be evading me for as long as it has! I personally believe that all the questions that our mind comes up with, can be answered using the same powerful mind that created it! All the answers are within in, the only thing missing is the drive to seek them. So here begins my Q/A session with the most potent tool I got:

Mind: If you don't know what is missing, then how do you know if it's missing in the first place?
 Now that is one hell of a point.
Moi: How do I know? Ehh.. hmm.. well.. Probably coz I am not satisfied with what I've!
Mind: That can well be a gratitude problem! You gotta give me more than that!
Moi: Probably coz I think I deserve more.
Mind:  What have you done to deserve it?
Moi: Well.. Why should I do everything to get something? Look around. There are millions of people living my dream. They haven't done anything to get there. Things are given to them on a silver platter. Why can't I just be lucky?

Ok.. I am gonna have to end this conversation abruptly coz when I read the above lines there's something that I've tell you guys.

It's a well known fact that half knowledge can be dangerous. Same rule applies as far as the humans are concerned. Even a lifetime is a short time to know a person. So judging someone by what they seem is highly unintelligent! So you have no rights to conceive what a person deserves and what he doesn't!

Most importantly, don't compare apples and oranges! Comparing your life with your friends can bring nothing other than a crack in your relations and a void in your life. Everyone person has to realize their own destiny. You can't chase other's dreams just coz they seem more engaging and alluring than your own. If small things in life make you happy, you need not chase the riches, just coz that's what people are "supposed" to do! Your treasure lies in what makes you happy. Don't ruin your perfect life craving for imperfections in other's lives!


Now, how is one supposed to decide if he is really happy? Great set of friends, soaring career, life's music tuned to your interest. Are you happy now? Will you still be happy if I were to reduce one from the list? How about a couple? What if I were to take away everything you ever assumed was yours, will you still say with conviction "I am a happy person!"? If the answer is no, then you were never happy, to begin with! How can you claim something to be yours when that "something" is dependent on everyone/everything else but you!

I am no saint and I don't wanna preach. I am exuberant when I am at peace with myself. I don't judge myself with a certain "market standard" of bliss. The peace within in a mixture of a lotta things - Gratitude - For what made me who I am, Aspirations - Standard I set for myself, Ability - The one's I already have and the one's I'll gain on my way. Happiness is indeed a state of mind, a bi-product of a peaceful mind.

P.S : In quest of happiness for yourself, you unravel happiness for others!

Eureka!!!

People always amused me when they said "Lemme think". This would be succeeded by a series of events - pick up a newspaper/ archies and SLAM, lock themselves in the bathroom! Kinda weird, isn't it? I did ponder upon the relation between a loo and human brain. I did come up with some pretty eldritch conclusions (which for the benefit of readers shall not be delved upon!) Coming to think of it, there is a bizarre simulation of human brain when it is relaxed! (so get the cue!)

Archimedes came up with his principle coz of his experience in the bath tub! If it works for him, it should work for me too!!!

I stomp off into the uber - clean rest room, expecting some mental stimulation! (humour, bordering sarcasm intended!)

OMG! What is wrong with these ladies! Are you praying inside??? (yaa.. no prizes for guessing – I was in queue! Aarrghhh)

Any other day I would’ve promptly excused myself from there and rush to the other place. But looking at how fantastic my day had been (sarcasm dripping), I decided to stay back! (The last thing you would wanna do is shuttle between 2 holy places!!!)

To my surprise I got my turn within seconds!!! (Sounds corny.. I know!) Now I understand why people get brain waves! Although its more circumstantial than pertaining to the place! After all you gotta do when you gotta do!!! (I am on a roll now, aren’t I?)

Now, coming back to my brainwave, which by the way, is the subject of this post. (hard to believe right?) I was acquainted with the most important virtues mankind needs to develop – PATIENCE!

I think it’s the MOST IMPORTANT VIRTUE, coz more than half of the problems which we encounter in our daily lives can be resolved by just being patient.

 Few days back, I felt really sore. My life was stagnant and I was sure as hell going nowhere. I got restless. If there’s something that I haven’t got, its gotta be the “Midas touch”, I thought!! Anything I touch wanes away to obscurity. The saying “opportunities always look bigger going, than coming” fits me to the bill!

What did I do wrong?, I ask myself.

Wasn’t I there in the right place at the right time? There is no such thing as the right time! Next reason!!

Didn’t I interact with the right people? Right people, what kind are those!!

Didn’t I do the right things? Ahaa.. Finally, now we’re talking!!

All my life, I’ve hated waiting for things. I’ve always wanted to make things happen. But, I was oblivious of how to make them happen; I had no other option but to wait. Since, I have already established how tarnished my “waiting” skills are, need I explain about the disastrous outcomes of my wait??? My impatience has done nothing but enhance a certain suicidal tendencies!!

I was just out of college, working as an Associate Software Engineer in a top class MNC. And guess what? I was already day dreaming of becoming an Executive! I happened to tell a Senior manager, I wanna be seated at the head of the table, like you are right now. I wanna play your role. Thinking about it now, it sounds so very much like ME! Highly restless, wants everything and doing nothing to get it! And finally when I decide to act on things, I lose interest! I am not willing to wait for my hard work to pay off!

The only thing that prevents me from losing hope, is that I know I am not alone! How many times has your lack of patience been the cause of any of these - you boarding a super crowded bus, having an ugly show-down with an auto driver, giving your boss a piece of your mind, receiving his piece of mind in form of your appraisals!!,losing an opportunity coz you grew tired of waiting, losing someone close to you coz you gave up on them a little too early.

Remember all you restless souls – Patience and time are the two most powerful weapons! Infinite patience brings immediate results.

P.S : “Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.” (ripped it off the internet!)

Picture perfect

What makes your day perfect? When you find out you are in love? When your love is acknowledged and reverted? A surprise gift and a dreamy date? Receiving a hefty hike or a promotion? Having an argument free day with your boss and less work? No traffic? or finally an "out of office" and quality time with your family?

As much as we would love it, all the above are not regular occurrences! Does that mean that our day is imperfect? Does that mean that we can be happy only when a "certain checklist" is updated? For starters, lets keep everything aside and address the topic of perfection. For those who aren't aware, perfection has no "ISI" standards! (sad but true, all my fellow "perfectionists!") In fact, there are no standards when you talk about perfection. It's nothing more than a perception, purely subjective. Always remember, one man's perfection is other's mediocrity! (and there's no sane way of knowing which of the two groups you fall under!)

Coming back to the topic; a perfect day for me is where I feel I've LIVED every moment of my life in the present - not past not future but PRESENT, knowing that I've done justice to it. When I say "lived" it does not translate to being happy or being sad. Going by the face value, it means I've experienced what there was to experience, with no regrets.

Life has always been comedy of errors. An "ideal" day takes no time to transform into "hell" when you get reprimanded by your boss! Hence established - anything perfect can be brought to a state of imperfection with slight adultery! On the other hand, a "bad" day turns around to welcome a "fantabulous" one, when you receive that "special" call. Imperfect, as it may be, its enough to bring a lovely smile on your face! (also can translate into imperfection breeds happiness!)

People set exceptional goals and put forth all they've got in achieving it. But is that all life is about? Chasing your dreams and dreaming new ones, after having achieved the old ones? What ever happened to paying attention to finer details in life? No amount of money, no levels of achievement means anything unless you have someone to share it with. Nothing can substitute for time and self. It's the simple things in life that people tend to ignore, that in time, costs them more than they can ever pay! How can you think about leading a perfect life when you can't even live a perfect day???

Things that make me happy are inexpensive coz they cannot be measure in terms of money, but are extremely precious and valuable - a peck on my mum/dad's cheek before I leave for work, a nice book that helps me navigate through time (and traffic!) on my way to office, a kick ass "I won't get pissed at work" attitude, sumptuous home packed lunch with friends,  dinner with Mr "Special",binge on blue berry cheese cake, a ride back home on my "royal vehicle" (with my arms around my world), a warm hug, a "husky voice" to put me off to sleep. My life is indeed perfect!

P.S : By product of a KICK ASS day. Feel precious. Thanks Love!

Closure

How long does it take for a heart to heal? Few days, few weeks, few months or few years?  What is it about a certain people that you tend to trust them with your life? You overlook a mob of people who actually genuinely wanna be a part of your life, even if its in a trivial way. But give all the powers to those who are hell bent on misusing it? How is it that the love of the former is always a suffering and suffering from the later, love? Why is it that the victim endures all the agony and the culprit walks away free? These questions can definitely have no concrete answer.

There is indeed no solid path that can fasten the healing of a broken heart. Every tried and tested path has implications that may not particularly suit your cause. Sometimes it is as simple as you evaluating the situation, learning your lessons well and moving forward. Where as sometimes, the damage is so deep, that all you can feel is plain distrust and pain.
Your heart throws a barrage of questions to your brain - "How could he?" "How could you trust someone blindly?" "Was I wrong or was I wronged?"
 Brains pulls out - Easy!!! It was all your fault! You throbbed for him not me!!!

Whole world is now topsy turvy! You were promised to be comforted in warmth of solid arms, assured of a gentle touch to wipe the tears of your face, guaranteed never ending love and support. Then the times did get bad. Warmth was long gone, it got bloody cold. Apparently, you were too good for him! Tears just strolled down your cheek, with no one to wipe it off. Support collapsed, love was lost. With no will to live, you kept surviving in hope that he would get back. He probably did come back. But this time he wasn't alone. Tears blinded you from seeing who his accomplice was, but you now you knew, your chapter was closed (probably even before it started!). No explanations given, no hint thrown, it was just a cruel hit and run case!

Been years since you were played with. You were marooned in a sorry state when someone did hold your hand. He got you out of the quick sand, healed you with love. Taught you how to trust, kissed life into you.  Does it still hurt? Most likely, your answer you be "Eh.. no.. actually, I don't even wanna think about the past" So I consider it a point blank YES.

Relationships are really weird. The ones you think matter to you, die a slow death and you couldn't be bothered much! It's the one that you think you can come out off, kill you one breath at a time. The only answer to the suffering would be a CLOSURE. The more you run away from your fears, the more lead they get over you. So in the process of avoiding them, your heading for a head-on collision with them.

They say time heals? But does is it so? Even after years, if you are still clinging on the pain unleashed on you, how can you claim to be healed? You may now have a wonderful partner, but how can you be contended with what you have until you let go of what you thought belonged to you but doesn't! In every relationship that was a part of history but couldn't make it to the future, closure is the most important aspect. You need to ensure that there is nothing hanging in the air, no words that should have been spoken but weren't, no chapters that weren't ended and sure as hell, no skeletons in the closet. Save your tears for those who really matter.

Closure ensures you are set free. Life is like a book. You need to end one chapter to get into the next, else your life is wasted on just the introductions! It is scary, it is a daunting task. But no one told you it would be easy. The one who did is no longer with you! If you have someone to read the following chapters with, you need to get through with the previous one. Once you are out of it, you know you are in safe arms. Embrace your new life, sail through a new journey.

P.S : I love you my sailor!

Silence

I have never liked the word "silence". It's not something I associate with peace. I've always been scared of silence coz as far as I am concerned, it almost always translates to pain. All the hues and cries that manage to catch people's attention is just tip of the iceberg. Greatest of sufferings are always locked in the deeper darker part of the heart. No amount of love and patience can set them free, especially when the defenses are this high.

I've always wondered, about the types of masks people adorn. More often than not, a smile conceals a tear ; laughter conceals fear; louder the sound of it, more pain it conceals. All this boils down to a very simple principle - if you wanna hide something from someone, place it in their line of sight. In all possibility, they would overlook!

I've tried almost every mask available in the market.

The Smiley : "You have an amazing smile", they say. Oh yeah? There you go. I made your day. Now get out of my face!

The Frowny : "Cheer up! I got something for you. You'll feel better" I am gonna throw up!

The Thinker : "You seemed to be engrossed in something. Won't you share the secret!" I am freak-en sharing my life in more nonsensical ways than I can imagine! That should suffice!

The Bubbly one : "Wow! You are one chirpy thing" Oh yeah baby.. wait til I chew your head right off!

The Quite one : "Oh.. what happened dear?Why aren't you talking? You know, you look so much more better in your old bubbly self" Don't you dare call me old!

.

.

.

.

and many more..

But somehow, the one thing all these masks successfully conceal is silence - silence of the heart. No one has enough time to look that deep and call you on it. Even when it's staring them right in the face, it gets unnoticed with the game show of masks happening around it!

"I wan't you to tell me what's wrong", they say. Silence does speak louder than words. I will not say a word. It is not a victory. It just means that I will suffer in silence.

Confessions of an alcoholic!

One thing that has fascinated me ever since I was a child was being unique. Always grew up thinking I was meant to be different. While other kids aspired of becoming a doctor or a teacher, I wanted to be popular! While they made their parents dance to their tunes, I wanted to be a mother of two!

What started off as an innocent longing, in time, turned into the sole aim. Being different from the crowd did not necessarily make me the cream of the lot. Sometimes I was perceived to be like the particles that trickle down and settle at the bottom of the glass. As said, its not what happens to you that counts, but the way you react to it. A lie, when repeated hundred times becomes the truth.Human brain is very gullible. It believes what you repeatedly say to it. Hence, started the downfall. Particle at the bottom of the glass, remained there coz there was no where else it could go! What I didn't see was that I had hit the rock-bottom! The only way was upwards! But it was my blind spot now.

Upsurge of fears and the feeling of "wanting to be different but not being so" were eating me up alive. Tried to convince myself that I was indeed different. But the very thought of it made me laugh! I was a person caught  in the herd mentality, running the same rat race as a million others! How could I consider myself different from them? Doing the same old conventional stuff day in and day out, I was still under the impression that I was "unconventional"!

My dream of being different had been squashed by my actions. The most I could do now, was complain about everything my life had become and convince myself (and the world) I was stuck in a wrong life. The very life I had chosen, as I succumbed to my fear was eating me up, one cell at a time. "I am confused!", "I don't know what I want from life" became my patented dialogues. In course of time, it became "I don't know what I want but I am still in search of it" (sounded more cooler!!) All through out I was missing out on TODAY. I was afraid to like the mundane activities, coz it would then make me like every other person. How will I be different if I begin to like it?, I would think.

Time passed. I am still in the race. The only difference being, the "commoners" have overtaken me. I am still where I started. Pretending to figure out which path I should take, I am still at the start line. Fear of not being able to come back had stopped me from not moving ahead.

As I contemplate my life, on a rainy saturday evening, I wonder - Do I really not like what I do for living? Isn't my life fun? If yes, then why do I think otherwise? Keeping aside the fact that there are millions doing the same stuff as me, am I not good at what I do? Should the fact that the competition is fierce, make me wash my hands off everything? Why is it that I can't be unconventionally conventional and be happy about it? Every one has a specific role to play in the world - why can't I play mine to perfection?


What I failed to realize all the while, is its not the "different" things you do in life that matter the most. It's only when you make something "different", something significant out of your daily mundane life is when you can claim of taking the bull by its horns!

P.S : By product of a bad hangover on a budding alcoholic!

Getting unstuck

"Don't you know what you want? How can you stand it, not to know?" - Howard Roark

I don't know what I want and I most definitely can't stand it. I firmly believe that unused potential brings agony. I can safely say so; been there done that. I've spent years in this "not-so-happy" state. I've looked for means to get out of this quicksand; books, videos, PEOPLE and so on..But the harder I try, the deeper I get stuck!

When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Where is my teacher? 

As I look back at my life, I now realize that the teacher was always there. But I was too busy wallowing in self-pity to notice anything other than my problems. Life is the best teacher of them all. It's almost like going back to school. You need to learn your lessons in every grade and only once you clear the exams, can you go to the next grade. Every stage of your life is a lesson you must learn well enough to pass the test life puts you through. The most intriguing fact is you are never propelled ahead unless you've finished learning your current lessons. You will have the similar set of people blocking your way, time and again until you've learnt to handle them. You will encounter similar situations until you learn to effectively deal with them. The only way to go ahead is to learn your lessons well.

 Have you ever noticed a child fall off his bicycle? In case he's lucky to have an audience witness his heroics, his tears would find no way of stopping. On the other hand, if his luck runs out and his fall goes unnoticed, the tears miraculously find a way that does not cross his cheek! Our problems are similar to these tears, the more attention you give them, the more violently they attack. But when they find no audience, they find other destinations!


I've spent innumerable moments of life analyzing my problems, weighing my options and struggling to find solutions. Yes, I am still clueless about my role on this earth.At some point  all of us are. While many go into denial mood, I acknowledge it. It is always an easier option to run away but I chose to stay, for no amount of uncertainty can stop me from LIVING MY LIFE.


 Here's the first step towards living - ACCEPTANCE. Accepting a problem, is a key to unravel the solution.

You don't necessarily have to know what you want in life. You just need to ensure you keep looking and make the journey worthwhile. Living your life on your terms in more worthwhile a task than burning up over achieving what you didn't know you wanted from life.

So Mr Roark, "I do not know what I want. But when I find it, I will know it right away". 

I me myself

What have you done to make your day special? Have you brought a smile of someone's face? Have you been a reason for someone's joy? Have you shared someone's sorrow? Have you done your good deed for the day?
Phew.. so much for all the "fundas" of "serving people" or "being a go-giver". But have you ever wondered, why can't that "someone" be the image you see in the mirror?

The concept of "ME" has long vanished (surprising but true!). In fact, when was the last time you took yourself seriously, listened to that little voice from within and followed you heart? When was the last time you did something to please only you - not your friends, not your colleagues..ONLY YOU. Somehow seems a distant memory!

When we were kids, we ruled the world. We made castles of sand by the shore, turning a deaf ear to everyone who told us it would be washed in the next wave? The wave did come and take away most of our castle. But that never stopped us from getting to work again! Why? Is it coz we wanted to challenge the sea? Or is it coz we wanted to prove a point to people who snubbed us? NO!!! It was just coz castles of sand made us HAPPY! Its quite strange that a concept this clear to a child is like a blurred image to an adult.

As we grew up, we got caught in a social dance. Everyone pushing everyone buttons and the dancing to each other's tunes. Thus, began the concept of dependency. Ooopss.. I mean "giving".


People are so caught in the social dance of "giving" intentionally or unintentionally, that anyone who refuses to join them is termed as selfish. Dreamers, visionaries, achievers were all considered selfish, till their dreams gave life to the society. It was only then "selfish" was deciphered as "selfless". It's kinda weird how "convenience" runs society.


It is indeed very convenient to forget how selfless is "less of self".

As for me, Yes, I AM SELFISH. Although I do wanna give and I most definitely wanna serve, I also believe in  "Charity begins at home!" So why not start with making myself happy? Why not give the wonderful gift of living to myself? Why not do bring a smile on my face? Why not look at the mirror and feel ecstatic that I am me? 

Life is indeed very beautiful, when I share it with ME.

To be or not to be

 Life's toughest decisions are not those that take a long time to make but those whose repercussions are felt for a long time.


Would I have been happier had I tread on rough paths? Would I be contended had I taken a path less walked on? - would be a few questions you ask yourself. Life's mysticism will ensure that these questions remain questions forever. Before looking at the "big picture" first see if there is a picture at all!


Mistakes can be classified in 2 categories - the ones you make and the ones you don't. The former can always be amended, but the latter, you will never know...