Merci!!!

Holidays are here - the season of being thankful for whatever we have been blessed.This might as well be the month in which my thoughts and words have found themselves least connected! It's been a while since I wrote something that's "simply Shubha". As my freezing fingers wander on the keyboard, my thoughts are haywire - some thinking of the little angle sleeping on my lap and purring away to glory, some thinking how tasty must I be for  she licks me like a candy the minute she hops on my lap, some wondering how is a kitten displaying dog behavior, some thanking this miracle for running into my arms last night and the rest wondering what do I write about!

 I would always think, just when you think things are bad, they get worse! For most part, it may be true! But while we are focusing on the worse, we overlook the flickering hope that's playing a peek-a-boo. Every cloud has a silver lining. As I feel the gentle weight of this exquisite fur creation adjusting herself on my lap, I know what's the silver lining in my present!

A few days back, I moved few inches closer to my grave. With words like "It's all down hill from now" drumming in my ears, I hated the fact that someone as precious as me is getting old! I guess I might speak for the mass when I say any birthday after 25 starts creating a void. You tend to think about your accomplishments, unfulfilled dreams, increasing waistline, receding hairline (in my case lovely silver lining on my head!), oh wait.. are those laugh lines or wrinkles!!!

As much as I hate admitting it, I am no different. I thought about all of those, more about some than the rest. Sometimes we are so busy wallowing in self pity that we forget about the love that fills our life. As the clock struck 12, I pulled my blanky over my sleepy head.

Oh no.. you are not winning over me. I am gonna sleep my way through distress and who knows, if no one remembers, I will remain 25 for life!

Little did I know, that there were beasts waiting for their turn to haunt me and accelerate the natural aging process. Finding your special ones at your door step at midnight with your birthday cake is probably normal for you guys. But being the boring person I am, being awakened from my beauty sleep would only unleash a series of not-so-pleasant sounding yawns and intimidating looks that could only be well camouflaged in the darkness! With the biting cold not helping my plight, I fumbled with the keys are dragged my body to the gate. This was my special surprise! As cliched as it sounds, in midst of the yawns and teeth chattering, I felt like I had just turned 18! This post is for all you people who made my day either by being by my side or sending your wishes from the far away land.

Just when turning older looked like a bane, I realized that I was granted with special boons to ride through the tough days! Some boons I've had the good fortune of knowing for over half my life, being blessed to witness their journey from childhood to parenthood while the others who have etched their special places in my heart, promising a future of togetherness.

This brings me back to the crux of the matter. Just when you think you have nothing going for you in your life, something turns up, making you realize your worth. Even if fail to recognize it, just remember it's always there, like the air you can't see. In my case my life is determined by the people in it. I don't have a lot of them, but the one's I do are enough to last for a life time. Finding genuine people and keeping them in you life is a tough thing to do. It's not something that people think of as a goal. It's not even remotely their dream. It's not mine either. But I cant emphasize on how important this is, for you to live the blissful life you always dreamt of. Don't rush your way to the top, to find yourself all alone. Enrich your life with people who matter, make them a part of your dreams, watch them colour it for you. As I listen to the purring growing louder, I know I have everything I need to turn my life into a very fulfilling one. The purring in your life is telling you something too. Please listen to it...


P.S : Special note of thanks to sailor for making me 18 again!

World's Most Dangerous Race

Do you want to become a world renowned TV celebrity and represent your country?

Based in Africa, “The World’s Most Dangerous Race “ is a first season, 13-part reality TV Series challenge that will be a thriller of an event for viewers and challengers alike.

As a world-first feat – you and your partner will become the first representing team to make your country proud and leave a personal legacy behind.

There are always dangers for those who fear them. The question is, how far will you go to exterminate your fears?

A recent addition to extreme adventurer, Louie Greeff’s escapades, beckons fellow adrenaline filled adventurers with a penchant for danger and passion for living life on the edge to join him in the most exhilarating race ever conducted in the history of adventure sports.

Here’s presenting the world’s most dangerous race, a one stop destination, guaranteeing a menacing encounter with everything you ever feared,  classified as the Olympics of adventure racing!

A 13 week grueling journey commencing at Mwinilunga, the source of one of the most dreaded rivers in the world – the mighty Zambezi, will put the contestants through an adventurous journey, which will not only stretch their physical boundaries, but also put their mental strength through a test of fire.

For those who think land is a safe option, this show will challenge your staunch beliefs.

From biking on treacherous mountains, to 4×4 driving, experience a life on wheels on non-existent roads that were never meant to be treaded on.

Welcomed by wild-life at every turn, participants have to be alert every single moment during the race.

Challenge the gravity by bungi jumping and abseiling down 800 feet of sheer rock faces relying on only yourself and the thin rope connecting you to life. Rappelling, Flying Fox and Gorge swinging will re-define vertigo.

Zambezi’s notorious white waters that barely let you grab a breath with their undercurrents churning your body inside out, lay the most daunting challenge.

Canoeing, River rafting, and boarding on these waters, can compel the most formidable swimmers to pray for land! River gliding in midst of 14000 crocodiles, hippopotamus, Zambezi sharks and African elephants will take more than courage.

This race, also addresses social causes like malaria, cholera and land mines in Angola and Mozambique – the unseen predators with an impact more lethal and potent than some of the most toxic African snakes.

Five international teams, each with two active participants – one male and one female, accompanied by a third backup participant, will battle it out in the wilderness of Zambezi in a race against time.

Potential challengers will be chosen by Louie Greeff, one of the very few to conquer the menacing river, based on survival questionnaires filled in by the challengers.

Three years of research on this journey, complimented by an efficient team of medical officers, game rangers and crocodile hunters, will ensure safety of the chosen contestants.

Challengers are required to be physically fit and mentally equipped to handle the extreme discomfort they will be subjected to.

Here’s a preview of your 13 weeks of impending doom.

http://youtu.be/ppHIH6zFcX4

Are you ready to challenge yourself beyond the perceived boundaries of your abilities and your fears??

Are you ready for a life where your worst nightmares turn into reality?

Are you ready to become world famous and leave a legacy behind?

Interested candidates can register on www.beyondxtreme.co.za under the topic; DANGEROUS RACE CHALLENGE Registration.

Just like that...

In one of my earlier posts, I had mentioned " If you think life is unfair, then you are a racist." I guess I should have sugar coated my words. It would be easier to get them down my throat.

My hours and hours of travelling to and fro has made me a silent witness to a lot of incidents. Some pleasant, some painful and some that accentuate my learning curve. I was looking out of my window, watching the busy roads and trying to make sense of the senseless traffic around me. My eyes feel on a squirrel attempting to cross the road. Suddenly the signal turns green. Flurry of vehicles proceed in the direction of the squirrel. A car was fast approaching the squirrel, which makes it through one set of tyres. Just when I was about to breath a sigh of relief, the other set of tyre runs it over. I shriek. In matter of seconds several other tyres are making their away over its tiny body. As I feel the trickle of tears, I ponder how can life be this unfair? How can life be over in a blink of an eye? How can all the hopes be crushed in an instant? Just like that?

I know some really mean jack asses. They are leading a blissful life after drowning others in misery. They are alive! Hell, their in-your-face paunch showcase their over flowing wealth! I am not God, but I know for a fact that if this world is a happy place, it will be happier with certain suitable demises.

I was still in a state of despair when I found myself in another jam. I saw a man on a handicap tricycle make his away on the busy one way in the opposite direction. He was caught in midst nowhere when a skoda octavia comes face to face with him. Surrounded by traffic, riding in the wrong direction didn't seem to bother the man. He was busy yanking over the phone. Well, with all due respect to him, if I were caught in that situation with a pair of limbs that would not come to my defense, I would panic and look around for help in a jiffy! I was even more interested in his actions now. With all the traffic in the world in front my bus, I knew I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I guess he realized the same. He hung up. Taking control of his vehicle - one hand rotating the lever, the other maneuvering the handle, he took the front tyre of the tricycle on the pavement. The left tyre followed and right tyre balance itself on the road. He whizzed past skoda. I strained my neck to see him. But he had vanished. Just like that..

The answers to the questions I had previously asked, started falling in place. This time there were no tears, no sympathy, just deep respect for human spirit. Yes, life can be unfair. Really unfair. It can give you everything you ever dreamt off and take it away the next instant. It can spur up hopes in you but in a blink of an eye splash water on it. But that should never stop you from living. Fair or unfair, there's one life given to you. Whether you drown in the deluge of self pity or swim to the shore, its your call. There are times you feel helpless. But you need to realize that there will be times when you have no control over things. Holding on to things that need to be freed will make you a prisoner.  Learn to let go.

Jailhouse Rock

Have you ever been to a place and felt you belonged there? Hoped the world would come to a halt, clock would stop ticking and wished you could absorb all the beauty it had to offer? Have you ever left a part of you back in the place, hoping you would return someday, reunite with your lost self? Do you believe in losing yourself to find yourself?

If your answer is yes, then the above questions summarizes what I felt when I set my foot on the archipelago, known as much for its beauty as brutality. It's been more than a year since my trip to Andaman and need I say, I am still lost in its spectacular show of diversity.

For a sneak peek to Indian heritage and history we all are so proud of, please visit https://shubhaholla.wordpress.com/2011/12/04/andaman-times-jailhouse-rock/

P.S : Proud to be an Indian after all!

DOERS

I was surfing channels on a lazy evening, Bangalore weather just adding to my lethargy. I had reached a state where I had settled down to watching obese people on screen, boosting my “feel good factor” just coz I was lazy to even switch to the next channel! Then came the commercials. After a flurry of well known ads, came something catchy. Switching among some seriously off-beat people, I kept seeing the caption and hearing this phrase – DOERS.

The name gives away the identity of this clan. But I decided to hang on a tad bit longer to see the message they wanted to convey.  I guess it finally provided me the drive to write this post!

Doers are normal people like you and I. One thing that sets them apart from the crowd is the fact that their actions speak louder than words. The words “I wish I could do this” or “I am too busy” or in simple terms “excuses” are obsolete to them. With utmost focus, they act upon their plans. They design contingency plans, not afraid to implement them when required. When faced with failures, they pump their system with hope and start all over again. After all their name itself indicates - Do errs! Boredom is not an option, interest is not an excuse. To achieve one’s goals, one may have to tread paths which are covered with weeds of discomfort or non-interest.  The final call has to taken by the individual as to whether weeds precede the desire or desire paves the path.

Everyone experiences a certain calling from within at different points in their life. Some listen to them, respect them, pursue them, while most ridicule them and asphyxiate them under the cover of “doing the right thing”. 

“I can’t take up photography. Photos aren’t gonna pay the bills.”

“Writers earn less. Feeding my soul is still gonna keep my stomach hungry!”

Sounds familiar? There are many more of such instances. Not wanting to offend the human spirit, I am not giving away the list!

I know it’s a little too early for this, but I am a writer. My calling, was writing. Not knowing how I would fare at it, I kept pushing the urge to a point of no return. But it did return. Just like one of the prank callers who keep calling unless you pick up the receiver and ask him, what is your God Damned problem! I picked up the receiver. The voice at the other end seemed familiar – the kinds that you knew long time back but with time, faded into oblivion.

It was this voice that guided me to this place- the same voice that has been whispering for a few days now, urging me to play with words, pleading me to do justice with them. From what I have learnt, when you are really scared of something, go ahead and do it! End of the day, either you lose your fear or gain an experience! 

I have been so held up the past few days. Sleep seems to be my old neighbor, who hasn’t spoken to me for years!!! Every day I look at my blog and say “I am gonna be a travel writer someday”.  I probably have accidently stumbled upon my passion, still unsure, but that’s what it looks like! Then again, I turn around and say, I am too busy to do this. I am freaking kidding myself!!

Sometimes you get so held up in life that you have no time to think, am I happy doing what I am? Is this the sole purpose of my existence? Does the purpose have a soul? Or probably you already know answers to these but they are not lucrative enough to be considered! No shame admitting it. I do it ALL THE TIME!

Find time for things that bring a smile on your face. Make your living just don’t sell your soul while doing so.  There’s always a bigger purpose waiting for you. Don’t over look it. It might not be able to your bills, but it’ll ensure your never burdened under them! Address your calling in life. It might look trivial; it might even be a subject of laughter to people around but for its worth but it’s worth all your time! Answer the call before disconnecting; you might just have a surprise waiting for you!

P.S: One can live with a hungry stomach, but never with a hungry soul.

HOPE

Make up your mind, strengthen your belief, the closed doors shall open and set you free. Just when you are about to give up, something gives in. Give in to this "something" and you'll be surprised.. Shubha Holla

A few days back, these words swept across my mind like zephyr. Even then I knew the intensity of these random words that had come together to form a potent truth. It is said that when all the doors are shut, the super power above us, opens a window. If you give this passing statement a thought, you would realize the sanctity of it.

Earlier this month, I went through an excruciating incident which involved people advising me as to how I should "never divorce" my current field of work. The incident was not half as painful as its after math. It left me thinking, what next? What's my purpose on this earth? I am mediocre at what I do and I don't know what I excel in! It was almost like a dead end. A lot of tears accompanied by feeling of shame burdened my delicate shoulders. Just when I thought it was all over, something happened.

I can't really decide what my epiphany was. But it had me in the spot light. It was this moment that lead to my previous post. It was this moment that led to turn of events that may as well make my life sound awesome! Its said, when a student is ready, a teacher appears. When you embrace this philosophy, you see things start turning out the way you always wanted them to. You do things with the sole aim of satisfying yourself. They bring you results that astonish you and fill your heart with hope.

There are a certain times when we say, "this is it, I am giving up." But if your quest was truly earnest, a glimpse of hope appears just when you are about to hang your boots. I am not saying that your dream has come true. All I would say is that tiny glimmer of hope is a living proof of why you need to continue with your conquest. This hope can come in any form, a person you least expected or an event you wouldn't have even imagined. This is nothing but life dropping hints that you are on the right path, urging you to walk ahead, pleading you not to give up.

A lot of us are happy just by getting the glimpse of this hope. "At east we managed to get here.", "not many people have come this far". As always we misread what life is telling us and completely miscalculate every decision. Probably our dream was waiting to be lived by us. It had been waiting for a long time, not giving up on us even once, praying for our arrival. Where as we, on the other hand gave up on it, consoling ourselves with the hope.

Many times we are scared of the power of our prayers and hard-work. We see that our success is just a step away from us and we panic. "How could I do this?" "Is it for real?" "It feels like a dream!" Even though we really want a certain things in life, we are scared of what might happen if we get them. "Do I really deserve this?" "Am I worthy of it?", we ask ourselves. My friends, we are what we think we are. The main reason for you to dream is coz you can fulfill it. It is as real as the air you breathe. Don't be scared of living your dreams. Dreams wont come crashing down when you live them but can't say the same if you don't live them to the fullest!

P.S: Your dreams never give up on you; a good enough reason for you to not give up on them.

The Happy Post

I have been smiling for a while now. And guess what? World's best smile comes free! Do I have a reason to smile? Now this is a trick question and the answer is even trickier. I can say that I have absolutely no reason to smile and be happy or I can say I don't really know from where to begin! In both ways, I speak nothing but the truth!

I am blessed with the best parents, pillars of strength as friends, a job that satisfies my out-of-job life, a car that understands my need for speed at certain times, a body that warns me when I don't take care of it, soul awakening books that have been my best teachers and most importantly that special someone who's held my hand and never let it go, come storm, come shine. Yes, this is just tip of the iceberg. I have more than sufficient reasons to smile and celebrate my life. But coming to think of it, I had all of these reasons, all along! Was I blind all the while? I was happy then too but there were ugly pockets of agony raising their curious heads every now and then. I know I must have invited them somehow. But I am unable to point a time and place when I passed this invitation!

This brings me to the first part of my answer. I have no reason for my happiness. I don't believe in reasoning things out. Not coz I would fret over not finding reasons but just coz I believe there are far more important things to concentrate my energies on. Everything in this world can be reasoned out. But its not always worth our efforts. We often find reasons to be happy while the truth remains we need none! Happiness is the basic state of mind.

My companion to office and back home is a backpack. People call it the travel bag coz it is always all flared up like nostrils of a raging bull! Not to forget it can give a body builder some workout for his biceps. Alas, it finds its way and rests on my back giving it a workout which it didn't sign up for! Now you might ask me what would I possibly be carrying in that office bag of mine that makes me hunch like an old witch preparing magic potions! You have to believe me on this - I DON'T KNOW!

The only things I am sure of finding in my bag every time I dive in it are water bottle, a book, lunch box(es) wallet and a comb. (mentioned in the order of importance!) Knowing my weight lifting abilities the above mentioned items are not enough to burden me. (I am tough, you know!) Yet every time I put the backpack on, I go - Damn, am I taking a baby elephant on a ride???

Now that you think I might have told you something that you probably have no interest in, lemme give you an analogy. My backpack with basic amenities is like a natural state of mind. It's just about the right weight and ensures I am not bogged down. I have what I need, I have what I can handle without slipping on the path ahead. I am happy. Then I start adding things into my backpack.

 Do I need them? I don't know.
Will I use them? I may never.
Can I handle the extra weight? I can't.


In spite of a negative response to all of the above, will I still retain them in my bag? Oh yeah!

You see what I've done? For reasons inexplicable, I have burdened myself. I know it's gonna bring me no good. But yet I am not agreeing to part away with things that may cause me agony. This thought crossed my head when I was frantically rummaging through the mess in my bag to find my wallet! My basic, important thing lost in the mess that occupies my bag.

In similar way, I have side-tracked the important things in life, running behind illusions which I thought would bring me happiness. Probably they might. I don't really know. But what I do know is a bird in hand is worth two in the bush! Dreaming is good, but sacrificing the core stuff for hoping to achieve those dreams is not worth!

How may times have we weighed down your minds and hearts with things that we aren't even sure of? How many times have we over looked the happiness and health smiling at us, to reach a delusional ecstasy? You don't need reasons for anything - happiness or sadness. If you really wanna live your dreams, you need to be happy in your present, live every moment of it, experience each joy the present has to offer and work towards your calling, with a happy heart. Don't look for reasons to be happy, give happiness enough reason to find you and never let go of you.

P.S : Practicing what I just preached, task for this weekend would be clearing my backpack!

Lover boy

Here's presenting the story of the eternal lover boy...

I am the "stud-boy", or so people think. I have always prided myself to be the best. People agree. I've had girls hovering over me like bees over flowers. Yes, I was proud of it back then, very proud if I may add. I could get who I want when I wanted. No strings attached, I loved my life. Yes, that's the one thing I loved - life.. MY LIFE. Cold hearted beast who gave people the warmth they needed, but kept my heart frozen in time. And then, I saw her.. That was not the face that launched a thousand ships. What's with that attitude? Can't she ever be normal? Now that's one girl I wouldn't want to be associated with. Miss goody-two-shoes. But she caught my attention.. arrghh..  obviously! She's a freak show!

Few years later..

I was still the hunk. Nothing had changed. I was the centre of all the attention and I basked in its glory. There she was again. She might as well be stalking me! She had grown quite contrary to what I had imagined.
There she was, shy, coy, keeping to herself. There was something about her, something inexplicable, something warm. Those eyes, I swear they could bore holes in your body if they wanted to, but they just looked intently, eye lids lowering at every contact. That smile, innocence yet impish, fresh and wide, revealing goodness yet concealing a mystery.That was not the face that launched a thousand ships. But it set something off in my heart. Was it a beat? Was my heart telling me something for the first time? What rubbish, I said. My heart has been frozen since time unknown.

She walks up to me. Wait. Was that a jolt that I just felt? As her lips parted, sweetest of voice addressed me by my name. Never has my name sounded this pleasant. She might as well be calling me a hero! The first real conversation we had left me wanting many more. Few more conversations and I knew I had her where I wanted. She liked me. She admitted. Mission accomplished. Time to move on.

Few months later..

Why the hell haven't I moved on? I wanted her to admit her feelings. One more achievement to my glorious list. Its game over. Isn't it? Well.. I guess not. I miss that voice. I miss that smile. Those eyes, that look of trust, damn I miss it all. She has her hooks deep in my chest! I have never missed a girl!I should probably call her.

That voice may as well take my life. What have I done to earn this trust? Am I even worthy of this love? She had forgiven me. We were friends. But she wanted more. Wait a minute.. was it her or me? I don't remember.. All I do remember is the day when I realized she was far away. So far that I couldn't talk to her. I was almost dead to her. I knew she cared but was I too late?

Few months later..

Destiny brought us face to face. I knew the ice cage had melted. Heart was beating faster with every passing moment. This is it. I am not letting her go anywhere. I have never had to confess anything in my life. But then again, I had no life prior to this moment. My life was staring at me with those beautiful teary eyes. She might as well have killed me! I am never letting those flow down her cheek ever again. I take her in my arms. For the first time, I experience comfort. The warmth of her embrace, the softness of her body, her perfumed hair on my chest, her gentle voice confessing her love for me. This is probably the moment where I was the richest guy in the world, for I finally had my world in my arms.

Few years later..

Those precious beads were flowing down her cheek. I know I had hurt her. I promised her to take care of her. But I must've failed. Those eye accused me. It tore me apart, for I loved her more than anything. She's my world and now she wanted to leave. My world wanted to go away from me. It's your call baby, I said. While my heart cried and pleaded silently, stay with me, please. She did leave. And she took my life with her.

As I sit and ponder over the whole episode now, with a glass of the most expensive scotch ever tasted by mankind, in a mansion built over my love, with the million dollars in my account not being able to buy me peace, I think was it worth it? If only money could bring back time, I would have never let her go. Hell, I would have imprisoned her in my heart and blurred her with my love. I got all that I wanted but haven't got the only thing I really need. Why didn't she wait for me? Over years I have slogged my back side at work, trying to forget her. Achieved all that was to achieve, destroying every obstacle on the way. But she was still there. The faint smell of her perfume reminded me of the void in my heart. The very thought brings a sharp pain. My vision was blurring. I could hear the siren, the commotion. Oh wait.. I hear her. I can't forget the voice. She's here.. Why can't I open my eyes. I can feel pain no more, just her presence. The world shuts itself. It's all dark now, the voices have faded into oblivion.

Some precious moments layer..

I struggle to force my eyes open. There she was. My world was there, right in front of me. I could feel her touch over my forehead. The touch, I had craved for. The trust I had missed all along. The love I had left behind. It was all there.  It must have been a dream. Or I was in heaven. Either which way, I am not leaving this place. "Welcome back", she said. "Feels like I lost it all only to find it the next moment." I could see those precious beads down her cheek again. I knew I had hurt her again. But this time she was here. So was I. She held my hand and I knew my life depended on this hold. I could never release that hand. I could never let her go.

 Overwhelmed, I could only mouth these words,You came back...

So did you..., she said.

While I was on that bed, what hurt me the most were the things I should have said but I didn't. Flashes of my life had her face, not my wealth, not my ferrari, just lovely beautiful her. I swore to myself, if I ever to get a second chance, I would give it all up to win her back. Winning what you have lost makes you the most confident person. But you do not always get a second chance, especially not at love. I lost my world, I won it back. It's a second chance for both of us.

I look into those eye. I know I have nothing to fear. My life is with me now. And I am not letting it go anywhere..

They call me the lover boy. You need not make the same mistakes I did. Don't ever leave anything unspoken. Make sure you tell you better half how much you love them and their value in your life. Remember, the most painful things are the ones you didn't do when you should have, when you could have. Don't let them haunt you. Love the way you wanna be loved..

Lover Boy

Mind freak!

Anything about you, that you do not control, controls you - Robin Sharma

Profound as it sounds, living your life by it you can be really empowered. (Tried and tested!) Now picture this - a psychopath driving on Bangalore roads, thinking he's possessed by Michael Schumacher spirit, cuts through the traffic as if it were an apple pie and as luck might have it, you find yourself right in front of this esteemed being, driving comfortably, listening to soothing music. Here comes the blaring music of the honk. You ignore it till you can take no more. If you are an ego maniac yourself, you'll get into a death race with this racing spirit. If not, you'll pull the car to one side and keep glaring as he passes by wishing he were under your Tyre! However there are a few sane ones who'll just let it pass, like a bad thought which deserves no place in your head or your life.

I know for a fact that I fall in the first category. Most of the "less egotistic" people fall in the second. What's common in both these categories? The commonalities lie in the after math. It's a given that the first category has 10% reduced life span! So obviously I am not gonna speak about it! But what I actually would wanna talk about is the feeling that you experience due to an absolute stranger and an absolutely worthless behavior, which sticks to you like a leech and ensures its impact is carried along. The 10 seconds incident is given an importance that ensures it would last for the next 10 hours! Either in form of stories you would tell your people - "there are idiots driving on the roads these days", "who ever gave them their license", "more like license to kill!" or in form of hidden anger that raises its ugly head on innocent beings around you.

What would you do then? I agree venting your frustration on the first person you can victimize is the easiest thing to do. You would feel a lot better about making your self feel better without so much as sparing a thought on the victim. This chain may not stop here. It's almost like a game of passing the parcel. You vent your anger on someone, that someone (if he's as mentally stable as you are) will have to pass it to someone else. So as you can see you have set off a chain reaction!

Its said that no one can bring about a feeling in us that is a stranger to us. If you think someone is an ego-maniac, then a good reason can be coz you have lived this feeling to the fullest! If you recognize someones temper, you surely would have exercised the same at some point in time!


We, as human beings are blessed to experience all the feelings there are to experience. We laugh, we cry, we get angry, we crib. To control them, we have been gifted a very valuable thing that we keep locked for most part of our waking hours - our brain! It has the power to make a fair judgement on what we express and how we express. But since we don't believe in living upto our potential, we keep our minds closed to any form of enlightenment!

A higher level of life is always misunderstood for meekness. Most of us might think the third category of people mentioned earlier, need to grow a spine. While the truth is, the rest of us need to grow a brain! Giving everything equal importance in your life is gonna reduce the level of importance that needs to be given to a certain things in you life that play a vital role in maintaining your vitality. Compromising on this is like selling your core values. Some things in life are more important than the rest. Recognize them and give them the respect they deserve. Where as some things are better if you turned a blinds eye to them coz thats where they rightly belong. Things tend to go bad when the clear demarcation between these two is blurred due our "intelligence".  As the world talks about erasing the borders that divide mankind, you need to darken this border between the important and non-existent. Don't waste your energy on the latter for, then the former would turn into the later in no time! 

La peur

Have you experienced this phenomenon of not liking things that you already have? If yes then Congrats! you are normal! Keeping the normalcy aside, this is the time somebody educated you that you don't always get what you like. If you whine about your current possessions they will sprout wings and fly away from you in no time and leave you with a lot more to cry for!

The feeling of not liking what we currently do or have, can be attributed to fear - the fear of not being able to do what is required to get where we want to, drives us into accepting that we dont like what we do. In this way we can always attribute this as a reason for screwing up things. "I don't care" "This doesn't matter to me". As always easier to run, even though you are a terrible athlete!

Fear is a driving factor. While some take it in their stride and change their course of life for good, the others (read most of them) get bogged down by the very magnitude of it. What are we scared off?

• We fear what we don't know - Fear of the unknown
• We fear what we can't explain - Fear of the inexplicable
• We fear what we can't see - Fear of the dark
• We fear what we can't do - Fear of gutlessness
• We fear the consequences - Fear of the outcome
• We fear we won't be accepted - Fear of rejection
• We fear being alone - Fear of loneliness

And these are just a few that I had pull out from top of my head. I am sure this list can increase at a deadly pace if you give it more thought! 

A wise man had once told me, "all fears that cripple us, have a history which most of us have long forgotten.The minuscule incident which has been erased from our memory now, once looked larger than life, leaving behind only the feeling it had initially bought about!"

Fear of the dark was born when we were kids and were told that "ghosts" lurk in the dark! Fear of rejection raised its ugly head when we were ousted from a "cool" gang. Fear of loneliness gripped us when we assumed the whole world is against us! Phew.. these were just a few fine examples.. if you think about it, all your fears can be traced back to something small that happened long ago. Some of us may not even remember the incident but what we do remember is the feeling.

Now look back at the list of fears. How can you fear something that you don't even know off? For every possibility of its existence, there's a possibility of it being "non-existent". Every thing in the world is aptly placed where it should be. For reasons that are highly subjective, we can't find reasons to why things are, the way they usually are. Which by the way, is pretty ok. There's nothing wrong in seeking answers. But be prepared that the answers may not be framed the way you would expect them to be. You may not understand them which by no means is a reason to fear them!

People fear the dark. But darkness can also symbolize infinite possibilities which choose to appear when you decide to light your own way. Darkness may as well represent a million hidden opportunities! Doesn't look that scary now, does it? There is a saying, "Whether you think you can or you can't, you are right." From where I see it, you can do whatever you wanna do. There is nothing and I mean absolutely NOTHING that you wanna do and you can't.

A lot of us lose the battle even before we start. Why? coz we've already programmed our minds for a loss. If you get into a battle doubting you'll be anywhere but on the winning side, why fight the battle in the first place? Results are important. What's more important, is believing they would be in your favor.

Finally, we crave for acceptance. Being accepted is a very warm feeling. But rejecting yourself whilst seeking acceptance from the world is a sin! One who doesn't accept himself can be assured that he'll receive rejection from the world. Being alone is not bad, sometimes it is very much required. Don't paint a sorry picture of yourself coz that ain't no modern art and it will most definitely not be appreciated!

Revisit all your fears and see exactly how many of them are worth hanging on to. If the count is not zero, continue to revisit them until it finally reaches nil! ( Unless you fear roaches and crocodiles, all you fears are unjustified!) Fear has a great appetite. It feeds on your vitality until there's nothing left! And if you really wanna be fed on you have better options!

Anything done with all your heart brings you success, whether its a heartfelt status on FB fetching a million "likes" or a task you are hell bent on getting done as a part of your personal achievement! And fear has no place here. 

Life can be tough at times. It gives everyone a fair share of fears. Its only when you rise above it and say the most liberating statement ever - "I fear nothing!", you find avenues of success. Finally remember one thing, "If you fear life and think it is not fair, you are a racist!"

P.S: Merci my Sailor. With your thoughts and my words, we'll sail forever..

Crab it!

"If I am going down, I am taking you with me."

"How can he reach the stars when this ground is almost about to suck me in?"

"I wish he fails" and many more to the similar effect.

Atleast at some point in time all of us have used similar dialogues and with intensity that can scare the shit out of mankind! Success is very sweet as long as it belongs to us. If it were holding somebody else's hand we would be looking for a razor sharp sword, all set to chop the hand off! Most of us grew up envying the first ranker in the class and making him the butt of all the jokes, while secretly wishing we could have his scores! Enter college, all of us aspired to be the soccer champion/ cricketing god or the beauty queen. When that didn't happen the reigning champs were made the center of negativity! Well.. I won't lie to you, some of them deserved it!! (Yes.. I am more beautiful than you can ever be and as for you,back off suckers!!) Phew.. that feels great! Anyways, back to the topic!

More than half our lives are spent in finding faults in others and zeroing down on reasons as to why they don't deserve to be where they are right now. That very precious time can be used to get yourself to where you think you deserve to be! But no holy way! We are always interested in having a fork in others cake. And why not? She is where I deserve to be. Do you know if you really deserve it? No. But you'll surely know that she doesn't! And I thought that our reasoning ability gives humans the elevation!! Silly me!


This brings me to the name of this post. When you keep a bunch of crabs in the box with no lid, you can be sure that none will come out. Coz when one tries to, its own kind pulls it down and this chain continues. The very phenomenon occurring in our day to day lives to such a great extent that it can be related more to humans than to crabs!

A beautiful line I came across - "Every one thinks they are different. Doesn't that make us same?" Yes. It's very true. We all comprise of the same energy particles and have same aura. Due to the choices we make, some energize these particles further, making their aura visible and magical ; some remain stagnant ; some find an all time low and create repulsive forces. They look at the magic and say, "this can't be for real", "this can't be for long", "he'll surely come crashing down", "it's all about luck and right time!".

This is for real, this can stay as long as you wish without biting the dust, you find you own luck and yes this is the right time! Make your life meaningful, don't fret over others success (unless you want it to migrate to a far away land!). You don't have to feel happy about other's happiness just feel happy knowing your turn is just round the corner.

Earthling!!

There are certain people in our lives who quite frankly are a pain in the arse! They correct your speech, improvise you language, point your flaws at ever single opportunity. They bitch about you IN YOUR FACE. Even better, talk about the same behind your back. They yell at you when you don't take care of their belongings and yell even more when you do. They put you through long chats (audio/visual) telling you what a big dumb-ass you are. They question your reasoning, doubt your decisions, criticize your every move!

They think you are annoying and crazy enough to push their buttons! Every action of yours is termed as childish by them. They blast you for showing them the mirror, expect the world out of you but throw water on all your expectations. They think you are not cool enough to be their friend but eventually come crashing on you coz.. hmm.. cozz.. well.. quite frankly they have nobody else to crash upon! (ouchh.. did that hurt???)

I know you are reading this.. I bloody well know you are. Yes you.. i mean YOU! I just got off the phone with you and you made me swear not to rip any of your patented dialogues and post them on my blog! Well.. ha ha on you.. they are not worth being made fun of here! I know you are offended now. But you know what?? You drive almost as well as I do! I know that will keep your ego boosted for a while. So lemme continue with the post.

So.. where was I? Ya.. those certain people. They give more importance to a child who just "happened" to be there on their special day and turn a blinds eye on you, when you've left a zillion important things just to make it there! (I am still annoyed F.Y.I) To make matters worse, they donate your soft toys to the very same child! (who by the way I am gonna torture the next time I meet!)

They think I am a lunatic. Probably they are right! Yes.. YOU.. you are right. Every time I think I need someone sane to talk to, I think of the most insane, egotistic, self-centered, "solid" earthling. (Ha ha my sweet revenge..)

I really don't know.. what is it about these people that makes you wanna kill them when they are around and makes you wanna kill yourself for not having them around? I have a lot of such cases in my list, but I don't know why YOU top it. Nopes.. I am not praising you, I think you are plain high headed. But then again.. what a pretty head! The same head I would like to chop every time YOU open that mouth and speak with such command that now, I wanna let go off your head and pull your tongue for speaking better than moi!

For all of you who've come this far in the post, I am trying to describe my love-hate relationship here! I might have confused you, but trust me if you knew the person I am taking about then I would probably be the hero you all aspire to be!

So we are back to YOU. Waiting for a compliment huh? You should've thought of that before you interrupted my movie time. For all the Jurassic Parks, Mummy returns and Hangovers you have cost me telling you are worth it, well.. you are not! YOU are worth a lot more! Ya.. a person(calling you this for lack of better words) who made me realize I've principles (and strong ones that too!!), YOU are worth more than you can imagine.  Not like I needed you to show me I had a spine, you know! Lemme tell you one thing, for a person who claims to have half a back, you have the strongest spine ever! Alas, you mental ability is inversely proportional to the strength of you spine! Oh.. did I mention you are a great driver!

And your jokes.. what is with them? Seriously Earthling, small fish being eaten by a bigger fish NOT FUNNY! But you reciting it like a poem and anticipating an uproar of laughter FUNNY. Your mom not remembering my first name not appreciated, the reputation you have earned coz me.. APPLAUDS! (I stand up, gentle bow!)

Keeping the length of this post in check, I am gonna have to create volumes of this post!

Before you book your ticket for the first flight back lemme tell you, as in YOU are really precious. For all the scenes you have created, I have loved playing a part. For all the names you have given me, I somehow can't get enough. For all the lectures you've unleashed on me, with ringing ear drums, I can listen to them till the end of the world (which I am hoping is soon!). For all the times you have turned the world against me and jumped by my side to take me through, I could crush you with a "gentle" hug! For proving to me that beauty can turn into a beast in the photos and making me feel beautiful every single moment. Thanks for introducing and re-introducing me to myself every time I lost track. YOU are the kinda trouble I would like to be a part off (see.. I've better lines to rip off than yours).

P.S: To be read midst of your assignments.. and wait.. almost forgot.. love you loads Earthling!

Used and thrown

I slogged my ass off last weekend, driving from one electronic store to other, haggling at every given opportunity and working harder to create more opportunities! Believe you me, when I tell you this - if you want to see a perfect example of human nature you ought to divert your attention to salesmen. Seriously, I mean it, with all due to respect to them, for all they are doing or at least attempting to do is be true to their job!

Have you ever noticed that broad smile on the faces of these salesmen when you make a grand entry into their stores? Even better, have you noticed the width of their smile reducing exponentially as the time you spend there increases? Here's the best, have you noticed how they personify a soldier at war front when faced with challenges of any sort regarding the quality/pricing of their commodities?

"This is the best price ma'am. You can check the entire market but you wont find any offer this reasonable"
Just when you go like.. uummmm.. hmmm... BANG! comes the most historic of all dialogues.. infact the mother of them all..
"If you find a similar product cheaper than this in any store I'll give you thrice the difference amount!"

Lemme tell you one thing with full conviction, THEY DON'T!

Anyways this post is not to be bitchy about their breed, coz after all they're human beings displaying perfect human behavior! Even though we were not born this way, over time we have transformed into people who live only for themselves. I always say that one has to live for oneself. Agreed. But not by stepping on others or by using the philosophy "Use and throw".

I have a very simple example to exhibit this behavior. Few years flashback.


Oh God!! Please ensure I pass in this exam! I promise.. like PROMISE you I'll try harder next time and pass on my own. Just this one time.. pleeeeeassseee!!

Once the results are out, so is God or even a slightest feeling of thanking God!!! (Till the next exam i.e!!!)

 Strikes a chord??? If it did not then picture me with my index finger pointing at your nose and saying STOP LYING!!!

So I guess I've established how the human behavior changes with every passing moment and not for the good if I might add! In my short life time I have met only a handful people who genuinely care. While few notice and appreciate this, the others just turn a blinds eye to them, continuing with their cynical way of life. A smile is no longer considered as an introduction or induction of a new relation. It is a gateway to a relation based on tangible things. I am not saying give and take relation is wrong. Nothing in the world is right or wrong, just the perspective. But wouldn't it be better if there is a give and take of intangible things like honesty and sincerity.

You all know by now how corporate culture repulses me. Not coz of the kinda work but coz of how people treat each other. If smiling extra is gonna earn you something, you smile like you are growing younger by every passing minute! If getting your head in your boss's ass is gonna get you a promotion, you hold your breath and retain the position till the end of this world! It's more like an epidemic. It starts with a few rotten fruits and before you know the whole basket it stinking! If you are one of those rotten fruits, I am not saying you are right or wrong. Ya, I might ask you to maintain a 100 feet distance to avoid my physical assault on you! As more and more people get into the IN thing, the so called "ideal" world blurs.

Change is inevitable does not convert to change is for bad! Life may not be ideal but if you are cynical there will be nothing alive! Just mechanical actions and reaction. If you wanna extract the most out of someone, don't forget that you are the "someone", sometime in the game. Remember the good and don't ever doubt your capacity of giving it back. Smile like the world depends on it. Recognize goodness before it escapes out of the window. If you ever tend to stumble upon a good fruit, please don't force it into the basket. Let it spread its pleasantness outside without being eaten or rotten!

P.S : Use and throw to be used and thrown!!!

Dark Night

During one of our soft skill training's we were asked to do an activity involving two people. They were made to stand one behind the other maintaining an arms distance between them. The person in front was to stand cross armed, close their eyes and fall back on their partners without taking any support, in any form, from her/his body. This includes no bending of knees, no letting go of our cross armed positions. Just falling backwards with our eyes closed. The exercise might sound simple as hell. But when it was my turn, just one look at the fragile girl who was taking her position to hold me as I fall, was enough to give me goosebumps. I thought, falling is embarrassing and when there is an audience embarrassment increases tenfold!! I failed in the first few attempts. Wanting to get done with the fiasco I decided to close my eye and take the plunge, backwards!!! As frail as the girl looked she could balance me! Moral of the story - you are never as fat as you think you are!!! <winks!>

The experience was done and dusted. Its only till recently did I realize the actual motive of it when I encountered a similar exercise in a book by Dr Joseph Murphy. Eyes are windows to the world. But it's been established time and again that what you see, cannot be believed. A perfect example of this would be Lady Justice. She has always been shown with a blindfold. This signifies an objective approach to things. In a mystical representation I can say there's always something more to things that what we see. So seeing is not believing. Coz more often than not, we see what we want to. We see fear coz we are scared of losing, we see failure coz we can't define success, we see pain, for we fear happiness would be short lived, we refuse love for the fear of losing it.

When you close you eyes, you shut yourself from the outside world. A perfect example would be the typical ghost scare all of us experienced as children. What did you do when you thought there was a ghost lurking in the corner of your room or under your bed? Most of us pulled up the sheets, covered our face, shut our eyes real tight so that no ghost could open them, even if he were to use all his might and prayed ourselves to sleep!!! Only to find ourselves unharmed the next day!

Now, coming back to the motive of the exercise. If we had kept our eyes open during the "fall" there would be a lotta doubts knocking our little brains. "What if I fall?", "I am gotta get laughed at royally!!!", "Why the hell am I doing this???" and blah blah. Even half a thought of such kind is enough for a person to say "I am not going ahead with this! This is lame!". This exercise is not about seeing how good are you at falling or how the other person excels in holding you just before you crack your skull. This is about building trust. Shutting your eyes to all your apprehensions, pushing your fears aside and embracing a world where, quite frankly you don't have a lot of say! Most importantly, trusting the fact that you are gonna be safe in that unknown kingdom.

In the so called "Kaliyug" trust is almost extinct. I guess that is one of the root causes of the downfall staring the society in its face! Since I have never been a "society person" I am not gonna expound on that topic anymore. But on a personal level, I truly believe that trust can do more than a lot of virtues put together. When you truly believe that there is a guiding force by your side and you acknowledge it, you cannot be harmed.

This concept has been beautifully explained under the name "Dark Night" in the book I am currently reading. A very apt name as generally dark is associated with evil. Hence, the not so appeasing side of humans is the "dark side". After every night comes a day, they say, hinting that night symbolizes all that's wrong with the world. But if you are able to understand the essence of dark night, you will be able to push through dark nights in your life with a faith that they will fade away leaving you stronger and teaching you skills required to lead a better life. Face the dark with the light of faith.

P.S : Recommendations - Brida by Paulo Coelho 

Matrimonial bollocks

Marriages are made in heaven. BOLLOCKS!! As far as I am concerned marriages are made on this God damned earth by jobless old people who's only aim in life is to get everyone in the world married!
"Oh!! Your daughter is almost on the verge of finishing her college. Have you thought of getting her married?" No bitch. But I guess you can do with a second one to savor your appetite!

"Your daughter is done with her college. She's landed a job! Start looking for a suitable match." Match? You think anyone can match me? Guess you donated your brain when you opened a marriage bureau!

"She's getting old. Get her married." I mean like, FUCK OFF! I can nail any one I want 20 years from now. You think about the sorry excuse called your life!!

Make no mistake about this one. I am not narrating my story. This is the common and most standard observation! Indian society runs on the strong foundation of "Your business is my business." But sadly for people who live their life by this principle, there are a lot of GenX free spirits who would like to spit on your faces but still let you have an opinion. Not coz they think you are right. But coz they believe that opinions are like ass holes, every ones gotta have one! (This line is truly an epic.. bless the soul who came up with it!!)

"Progressive society" is an illusion. "Women empowerment" is a joke. I don't wanna sound offensive but this is the truth. How can you call a society progressive if women are judged by their most personal choices? No eyebrows are raised when a man decides to settle down late. He was concentrating on his career. Such a wise move, they say. Maintain the same situation, change the gender and check out for the offensive reactions. It's a bad move. How can she put her career before her family? they say. So I guess I need not explain as to why the so called "woman empowerment" goes down the drain.

I guess once you are over 50 and you see a young spirit, happy, smiling, full of life you get diabolic and think, "So much happiness? What has she done to deserve it? I never lived like that. Why should she? Lets curb her freedom!" I could almost swear these are the actual thoughts running behind all the "aunties" roaming your streets and patting your cheeks in every function they run into you! At this point I can't decide what should scare me more - a cockroach looking at me with its antennas raised or this evil thoughts running in ultra narrow minds!

It is a given, that anybody who doesn't live by the society rules is an outcast. An unmarried woman above 30 is looked at with suspicious eyes.

"Wonder why she is still single.", "Oh dear God! Her poor parents! What has she put them through?","How will she have kids if she doesn't get married!" And the all time favorite line of society - "There must be something wrong with her."

You know what, you repulsive dweebs she's single coz she loves it that way. She rather put her parents through few more years of wait than ruin her life, in turn causing them irreparable damage. And guess they changed the syllabus when we were studying. Coz from what I read in my books, marriage has nothing to do with "starting a family". (yeah.. an uppercut punch ass holes.. IN YOUR FACE!) Finally, yes there is something wrong with her. Something, that given your intellect, is far from your comprehension. She wants to live, she wants to breathe, she wants to fight her own battles. She needs no one to protect her, she wants to own whatever she does. She knows her power and wants to use it. She doesn't mean to offend anyone but she would fight any cause that dares to capture her soul for she knows losing her life is easier than losing her free spirit.

P.S : There is no crime more hideous than caging a free spirit.

Poxed out!!

As you know by now, I was down with chicken pox few weeks earlier. I've spoken lengths about how I "braved" the disease! But I guess for how much I have learnt in these few weeks, I need to be thankful that I experienced what I did. It taught me the importance of spreading joy. (Don't cringe! You'll love the story ahead. You got my word on that!!)

For the record, I hate sharing. My things are my own and if people have a problem with it, then, well, it would be best if they were to keep it to themselves! So now that I've established that "giving" is not something that comes naturally to me, lemme tell you about this incident where, for the first time I felt the "joy of giving".

After almost two weeks of peace at home, I squirm at the very thought of going to office. After all I "love" that place! (I guess I just puked a little in my mouth!) So with a heavy heart, I step out of the elevator. An invisible tear dripped across my cheek. People greeted me with what seemed like a mixture of shock and fear. Shock looking at my beauty and fear coz they thought their immune system was next! I almost felt like the Naga from Immortals of Meluha!

I sat on my chair. This kinda symbolizes setting sun. Dreading the amount of work that had piled up and getting repulsed at the every thought of interacting with dim-wits I stared blankly at my system. I think if there's anyone who understands me in office, it has to be my comp. It takes ages to switch on and another set of ages to get the applications running at a normal speed. Probably it's trying to keep me away from misery. Poor junk box. I always knew they had feelings!

"You think you know me.. <heavy metal> On this day, I see clearly.. everything has come to life......" Ya people.. that's my ringtone.KICK-ASS! I love it, every time my phone rings! It's a feeling of pure joy! I retrieve my cell from my pant pocket very easily (it's called weight loss people!) and stare with utter disgust at the name displayed. What now?, I think.

"Hello.... ya, I am in office...ya, I am ok... what?? really??.. REALLY?? <I sprang up from the chair and look at Shrulee muttering under my breath>....ohh.. that's sad.. <shrulee and gang have a look of shocked excitement on their faces> but wait.. REALLY??.. <excitement has spread far beyond and broad smile spread over peoples faces> hang on REALLLLLLYYY??? <No Shubha.. your not giggling into the man's ears! That's inhuman>but I thought you had it as a kid....  <cover the mouth piece and laugh loudly.. what the heck.. i am no human!!>  You should take rest.... I'll manage here..<ouch.. my ribs hurt.. how I love this sweet pain of laughter!>

If you are still wondering what was the conversation all about, then I am gonna tell you nothing but the summary. It's 10:30 in the night and I laugh real loud. So not wanting to scare my neighbors, I'll directly jump to the jist. I had spread the joy of chicken pox!!!! <you wont believe how wonderful and complete this smile I am wearing on my face looks> Unintentionally, unknowingly I had given a lot of people reason to smile!! To all my friends, who think I am a reincarnation of evil, there you go, I proved you right. And to the others, well..., ummm.. I guess there's justice in nature after all!

More than anything, I was flabbergasted by the reactions of the wonderful people around me.

"You finally took your revenge"

"Are you serious? I owe you biiiig time!"

"This is the best thing you've ever done!"

And this by far is my personal favorite. "Hey could you go sit next to my boss for a while??"

With all that attention, I feel like I could be used as a potent biological weapon! <Hope USA doesn't find me!>

All jokes aside, I firmly believe that if you laugh at someone's misery and are malicious about it, your good times take few more steps towards bidding you good bye. So lemme clear one thing for all of you. I am not ridiculing the fact that "transition" had happened so smoothly. But what I find extremely hilarious is how life bites you real hard in the butt when you least expect it and ensures you are standing all throughout your humiliation. (you can't sit, with the bite on your butt!!!!)

So all I can say is, be good, do good, eat healthy, keep your immune systems strong, respect all diseases enough to not let them enter your body and most importantly stay away from me!

P.S : I celebrate my one month anniversary of the pox today! 

Pa

Oh my God!, When will he start treating me like a grown up?, I thought. I am sick of being looked after every single time. I wanna make my own mistakes and learn from them. I wanna experience it all. He doesn't let me make any! I should get out of here!

And get out of there, I did. Few months later.

Doc: You need to get an MRI. Let's see what's actually causing the pain.

What? MRI? Sounds cool, no doubt about it. But I don't even know what it stands for! And look at that monster of a machine! It's gonna gobble me up. I am not sleeping my way into its big mouth! No way. I mean NO WAY! I was alone and not to mention shit scared! I just wanted to do one thing.

"Hello, Pa. How are you?", I mumbled.
"Good. Are you fine? Why did you call at this time?"

Yup.. 10 am is not the time I called my mom, let alone dad!

"I am fine", I lied. I might as well have been shitting bricks! "Just felt like talking!" Again lying. I just wanted to hear his voice. A man who's guarded me against everything - from a mosquito bite (oh ya!) to anything remotely painful! The very same thing that I detested or should I say in my words "wanted to experience".

As it's said, be careful what you wish for, you might actually get it! And get it, I did. Almost like a deluge! And I realized, I probably wasn't strong enough to take it all! I wanted to be protected again. I wanted all the pain to be vanish, as if it never existed. I wanted to go back to the guarded castle and never step out!

He's redefined unconditional love for me. Thinking about it, my life is closed to being jeopardized! All I can say to any guy who claims to wanna share his life with me, "Can you beat that, sucker!" Answer is ever so obvious. A big bold upper-case NO!

Even though I haven't been blessed with his height or weight *sob sob* (all of you who've seen dad know why the weight matters as much as it does!!), he's instilled in me values and principles which I am more than proud to flaunt! For a man, who's entire life revolved around walking the talk, this is a great achievement!

I've tried to ape him ever since I was a little girl. Whether it is the way he holds a ball-point pen or his crystal clear handwriting or his impeccable English or his crisp manners or his passion for knowledge or simply his perfection. Years have passed. I still hold the pen like a 10 year old, write like a 13 year old, refer to oxford dictionary for every other word, think of learning something new only when a sword dangles over my head and believe in imperfection is perfection! I short, aping hasn't got me where I wanted to be! But if what you wanna become is as epic as him, just trying should get you brownie points!

"I take this work as a part of my life. I need to do this as I do everything else in my life." he says. No, I am not talking about his office work. This work comprises of just helping out at home when the maid decides to take her quota of non-existent holidays! Without any complains or bickering, he does what he's supposed to! (I remember asking mom for 100 bucks a month to do this work, a decade and a half back!!) If I were to show this behavior at my work place, apart from giving few people massive heart attacks, I would be going places! (At his point, I think of what I do and shake my head. Sorry Pa, not gonna apply it here!!)

It's kinda strange how we can yap for hours together to our mommies, while a call with our dads last for a few seconds (on a good day probably a couple of minutes!) In time, moms become our best friends and secret-keepers, while dads remain a rock you can bank upon. May not be true in all cases, but according to the survey I conducted, holds good for most!

I am super glad to say, after all this time I can successfully have a conversation with dad for a long long time, multiple times a day, discuss about hot men (Oh yeah baby!) and also about the not-so-hot-ones who need to be showed a way out of my life! I really have no idea what took me this long to find a friend in this fantastic man. (I get to talk boys with Pa, he's a friend alright!!!)

As he celebrates his 60 plus 2 birthday today, I am looking at a man, who easily looks a decade younger, praying with all my heart I have got his genes of aging gracefully and looking younger no matter what!! So here's wishing many more years of youth and loads of love to the youngest 62 year old I've ever come across. Love you Pa! 

Love love love

She wished for him on full moon nights. She did every little thing to be in his good books. She opened her inbox hoping to get a mail from him. She slept with her phone next to her ears not wanting to miss his calls even when the night was dead. She dreamt of him, she spoke of him, whatever she did was connected to him at some level or the other. She looked at him with her puppy dog eyes, in midst of all the blushing. She hoped one day he would return her look and hopefully even return the feeling. In short, she loved him. He didn't love her. That didn't stop her from revolving her entire life around him. Pure, innocent love.

Years passed. The bond just strengthened. She loved him more than ever. Winds of change had changed their course. The guys heart begins to beat for her. A feeling that he had never experienced before, a feeling that scared the living day lights out of him. He snubbed the feelings. "You are too good for me", he said. But she didn't give up. She should have. I definitely would've!! She believed in heart of hearts, they were meant to be.

Time flew by. He was a fine young man. She was a tender girl. "You are too good for me", he said. Something inside her broke. Something which probably would never be fixed. She moved away. She let go. If it is meant to be, it will. There was a hole drilled in her heart. The hope in her heart leaked out a little from it. Little bit every passing day.

Life does work in mysterious way. It brought them face to face. Confrontation wasn't easy for a guy who's heart was frozen in time and the girl who's heart was locked. They were perfect for one another. Forces of nature bought them together. Such is the strength of plea of love.

First time in life they experienced happiness. They smiled, they laughed, they held hands and went on romantic walks. They looked into each others eyes, thankful that they happened.

"I wanna spend my life with you. That's the only dream I've ever had", she said.
"I want the same love. But we have to wait. My dreams await me. I need to fulfill them", he said

For the first time she realized, probably she was never his dream. She wasn't even a part of it. Tears rolled down her cheek. "It's ok", she said. "I am gonna be there for him. Probably one day I'll be a part of his dream"

The guy starts chasing his dreams. Every step he takes, the dreams evade him further.

"It's all gonna be ok honey. I am there for you" she said.

Few years pass by. The dream remains unfulfilled.


"I wanna realize your dream with you. ", she said.
"My dreams are my own. I need to realize them.", he said
"Let me be a part of it. Lets realize your dreams together. Please take me with you", she said

She didn't get an answer.Silence tore her apart. Probably she should have got the cue. But she shrugged it off. Hole in her heart grew bigger dispersing more hope. "Things will get better, I hope", she thought.

Years later.
"Don't make me chose between my dreams and you. You are not gonna like the answer", he said. "I am doing this for us. Don't stifle me. This is how its gonna be. The choice is yours. Stay if you want to".

There was no hole. Just a broken heart. All the hope had escaped leaving a shadow of a girl she used to be.

Few months later:
"I know it's too early and I don't know much about you. But I would like to spend my entire life knowing you and loving you the way only I can. You are the dream I want to realize, you are the life I wanna live. Just give me a chance and I'll make sure your smile shines brighter than the sun", he said

It had been months since the guy left her broken. For years she had loved the guy only to have a dream chosen over her. This was her chance to break free. This was a chance with a man who probably wasn't who she desired. He wasn't a man of her dreams, but he was a man who would realize her dream. Nursing a broken heart is easier if you have someone to nurse it with you.

She looked back once and for the last time. There he stood, the guy of her dreams. Hoping she would wait for him, but not letting her be a part of his dream ; claiming he loved her but not holding her hand. Tears rolled down her cheek, for what could have been and what was. "Good bye my love", she said.

The man took her hand ; a hold that signified love, a hold of support. She looked at the ring on her finger - birth of a new relation and a seal on the old one. A step ahead into a new life, a step towards mending a broken heart, a step that would change her life forever. Some stories have to end for new ones to begin.

More often than not love and loved ones are taken for granted. They understand what I am going through, you think. But is that always the case? Is that how responsible you can get while handling something that fragile? Why does it always have to be a choice between your loved ones and your dream? Can't they go hand in hand? It's always lonely at the top. Any amount of success, stature, money is nothing if you don't have someone to share it with. Any dream that's built on broken relations and hurting hearts cannot sustain for a long time. And when it does come down shattering, you don't have anyone to support you through it.

I am no love guru but I can say this with utmost conviction - finding love is tough. If you have not found it, then make sure you don't blow it away when it finds you. If you've found it then hold on to it. No dream is worth living if you have no one to live it with for love elevates you to where you belong.

P.S : For all those who have found their soul mates, I've just 3 words for you - MAKE IT WORK!

One down

It's been a year since I got off a fantastic roller coaster ride. A ride that lasted 3 years 3 months. A ride that left my teeth cluttering in cold but also introduced me to lovely people who managed to keep me warm for as long as they did. A ride where I learnt that show biz is not restricted to the big screen or TV! Nevertheless a ride which was supposed to shape my career but ended up shaping my life instead!


A year back, I had had enough, or so I thought! Politics was not for me, master manipulator is what I could never become, I couldn't find my foot hold in the show biz, in short the IT culture didn't suit my personality. Its said, When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. So I decided to go and I mean just go, no regard to the future, no thought about the ramifications of the decision I was about to take. I just wanted to run away from where I was stuck. So as you can see I had successfully misinterpreted the saying!


With no action plan, I set off. My only aim in life was to seek happiness and find that one thing which I could finally convert into my passion. These are a few profound words that I would love to abide by! But its easier said than done. When you are on the way to find your destiny, there are several distractions - some necessary some unwanted and some plain luring evil! Money, fame, society come under the last category. Not surprisingly this category has a great power of attraction, probably even greater than gravity!Once you get caught up in this attraction field, your downhill journey begins. Downhill, coz its easy - bloody damn easy. One loose pebble that you step on increases the rate of your journey. Guess that's why most people fall under this category coz its so damn effortless.The only decision to be made when one reaches the foot of the hill is whether to remain there or to climb the way back to the top.

One year later, it would be far from truth if I were to say I've found my passion! I am still surrounded by "budding ministers" and people with shocking intellectual levels (please note the sarcasm!). Whether my decision was right or wrong, I would never know. But what I do know is it helps to not plan every living breath of your life! Decisions involving less of your brains can often get you to places where you have wanted to be, doing things you have always dreamt of doing. So in short shut your brains off!!

P.S: Special thanks to my Sailor,Babe of my life, Hot @$$ and Poosh for lending me their brains while mine was shut down!

Forever...

Forever is the most corny word I've ever come across. Anything suffixed wit forever becomes corny by default. Whether its "I love you.. forever.." or "Best friends forever".. Aaarrgghh.. whoever comes up with such hackneyed phrases should be nailed to death! I mean come on.. I've let more intelligence than this, out of my ass! I am not denying that I may have used the same at some point in time in my life, but then again, everyone has had our heads in our ass sometime or the other!!

Back in college, when we were all younger, thinner and quite frankly dumber than now, we would give every incident more importance than it was due, think friendships would last for as long as we would live. I am alive now, in my prime, but where are all the relations I swore I would carry along? They are non-existent. Some, I had to let go, some let me go but a solid few of them stuck along. Is this forever? Well.. NOTHING is forever!

It's just like an ancient barter system. You give some, take some. Tangible or intangible, this "some" does play an important role. As a wise lady had once told me, every person in your life is there for a reason, to teach you something which only he/she can. Once their work is done, they move to their next destination. If a person is still there in your life, then probably the work is still in progress. Retrospecting, the line has absolute truth in it.

You need certain heartbreaks in your life to strengthen you to the core. So you need those people stepping in your life, pulling your heart out and making a mess out of your life. It's only then will you learn how to recollect yourself and redeem your life. They need to move out of your life just as mysteriously as they had moved in. Coz if they remain to stay, the work will never be done. You'll never find the strength.

On the other hand, there are people who stay for a real long time. Probably as long as you would live. These "best friends" of yours are required. Coz what they have to teach will take a long time for you to learn. So they stay, teaching you new lessons every mode of life.

You might think the tough decision is whom to take along and whom to let go. On the contrary this is the easiest move! You just need to live. Live through the experiences, live your life. When the going gets tough, you find the toughs backing you up. The rest are blown away in the winds of change. They were never meant to be there for longer than their life span in your relationship! Don't get bitter or bogged down by their exit. Instead, look at the one's that are still in your life, enriching it with their very presence.

To all the people who were a part of my life, in one way or the other, thanks for making it as long as you did and an even bigger thanks for moving out! Quite frankly, even for someone as heartless as me, its kinda tough to show the door all the time! Moving on is so much more peaceful yet happening than holding on!

People come, people go, you forget some, some forget you - just don't miss the lesson each one had to share, for then, you would've missed more than you can afford to bear!