One thing that has fascinated me ever since I was a child was being unique. Always grew up thinking I was meant to be different. While other kids aspired of becoming a doctor or a teacher, I wanted to be popular! While they made their parents dance to their tunes, I wanted to be a mother of two!
What started off as an innocent longing, in time, turned into the sole aim. Being different from the crowd did not necessarily make me the cream of the lot. Sometimes I was perceived to be like the particles that trickle down and settle at the bottom of the glass. As said, its not what happens to you that counts, but the way you react to it. A lie, when repeated hundred times becomes the truth.Human brain is very gullible. It believes what you repeatedly say to it. Hence, started the downfall. Particle at the bottom of the glass, remained there coz there was no where else it could go! What I didn't see was that I had hit the rock-bottom! The only way was upwards! But it was my blind spot now.
Upsurge of fears and the feeling of "wanting to be different but not being so" were eating me up alive. Tried to convince myself that I was indeed different. But the very thought of it made me laugh! I was a person caught in the herd mentality, running the same rat race as a million others! How could I consider myself different from them? Doing the same old conventional stuff day in and day out, I was still under the impression that I was "unconventional"!
My dream of being different had been squashed by my actions. The most I could do now, was complain about everything my life had become and convince myself (and the world) I was stuck in a wrong life. The very life I had chosen, as I succumbed to my fear was eating me up, one cell at a time. "I am confused!", "I don't know what I want from life" became my patented dialogues. In course of time, it became "I don't know what I want but I am still in search of it" (sounded more cooler!!) All through out I was missing out on TODAY. I was afraid to like the mundane activities, coz it would then make me like every other person. How will I be different if I begin to like it?, I would think.
Time passed. I am still in the race. The only difference being, the "commoners" have overtaken me. I am still where I started. Pretending to figure out which path I should take, I am still at the start line. Fear of not being able to come back had stopped me from not moving ahead.
As I contemplate my life, on a rainy saturday evening, I wonder - Do I really not like what I do for living? Isn't my life fun? If yes, then why do I think otherwise? Keeping aside the fact that there are millions doing the same stuff as me, am I not good at what I do? Should the fact that the competition is fierce, make me wash my hands off everything? Why is it that I can't be unconventionally conventional and be happy about it? Every one has a specific role to play in the world - why can't I play mine to perfection?
What I failed to realize all the while, is its not the "different" things you do in life that matter the most. It's only when you make something "different", something significant out of your daily mundane life is when you can claim of taking the bull by its horns!
P.S : By product of a bad hangover on a budding alcoholic!
What started off as an innocent longing, in time, turned into the sole aim. Being different from the crowd did not necessarily make me the cream of the lot. Sometimes I was perceived to be like the particles that trickle down and settle at the bottom of the glass. As said, its not what happens to you that counts, but the way you react to it. A lie, when repeated hundred times becomes the truth.Human brain is very gullible. It believes what you repeatedly say to it. Hence, started the downfall. Particle at the bottom of the glass, remained there coz there was no where else it could go! What I didn't see was that I had hit the rock-bottom! The only way was upwards! But it was my blind spot now.
Upsurge of fears and the feeling of "wanting to be different but not being so" were eating me up alive. Tried to convince myself that I was indeed different. But the very thought of it made me laugh! I was a person caught in the herd mentality, running the same rat race as a million others! How could I consider myself different from them? Doing the same old conventional stuff day in and day out, I was still under the impression that I was "unconventional"!
My dream of being different had been squashed by my actions. The most I could do now, was complain about everything my life had become and convince myself (and the world) I was stuck in a wrong life. The very life I had chosen, as I succumbed to my fear was eating me up, one cell at a time. "I am confused!", "I don't know what I want from life" became my patented dialogues. In course of time, it became "I don't know what I want but I am still in search of it" (sounded more cooler!!) All through out I was missing out on TODAY. I was afraid to like the mundane activities, coz it would then make me like every other person. How will I be different if I begin to like it?, I would think.
Time passed. I am still in the race. The only difference being, the "commoners" have overtaken me. I am still where I started. Pretending to figure out which path I should take, I am still at the start line. Fear of not being able to come back had stopped me from not moving ahead.
As I contemplate my life, on a rainy saturday evening, I wonder - Do I really not like what I do for living? Isn't my life fun? If yes, then why do I think otherwise? Keeping aside the fact that there are millions doing the same stuff as me, am I not good at what I do? Should the fact that the competition is fierce, make me wash my hands off everything? Why is it that I can't be unconventionally conventional and be happy about it? Every one has a specific role to play in the world - why can't I play mine to perfection?
What I failed to realize all the while, is its not the "different" things you do in life that matter the most. It's only when you make something "different", something significant out of your daily mundane life is when you can claim of taking the bull by its horns!
P.S : By product of a bad hangover on a budding alcoholic!
