Little young wise ME!

Last few minutes of my bday. My 28th bday. A point in life where the inevitable 30's  look me straight in the eye and the past 28 years seem like a memory - beautiful memory of what feels like just yesterday.

By this phase in life, many of the people I know have figured out their lives, many have taken multiple steps to achieve their goals, many have achieved success beyond expectations, many have wonderful spouses and a few blessed ones have beautiful angels making them re-think their life! The others have accepted life for what it seems to be and made necessary adjustments to avoid excruciating conflicts.

Where does this leave me? Where do I put myself? What have I done that I can look back and feel mighty proud off?

Sitting in a room, I might as well call my own; in a trip that almost never happened; with a family so full of love (and food); answering calls from loved ones, singing the same old song; cheese cake, balloons, SNOW BALLS and a severely modified game of cricket!!! My life shaped pretty well after all!

While people often think about possessions they couldn't quite possess, I look at my life and wonder, I must be really special to lead such a rich life! Rain of love, firm hand over my head, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, footsteps beside mine, crazy laughter ringing my ears, tender fingers to wipe my tears. That's my life in a nutshell - at least 28 years of it! Pretty solid huh?

My priced possessions are my relations - wonderful parents I could die for, awesomely hot boyfriend I could kill for, supremely crazy soul mate who would do the killing for me! (Ya babe, you know it!) and my (slightly) overbearing bunch of nutheads I call friends! All you guys have been such an important part of my life, at most times my life itself! I am humbled to be a part of your lives and grateful to have you in mine. Here's hoping to many more fun filled, AGE DEFYING, cheese cake and balloon filled bdays!

Guru

Last night I was involved in a conversation with an old friend. Topic - spirituality! (Oh yeah! There's more to me that meets the eye.. or not!) Anyways, I didn't know I was "spiritual" until someone pointed it out to me! Just for the record, I browsed multiple websites as I type this, to understand what exactly does spirituality mean and seriously, woaah!! I just can't seem to understand why people have to give names to things or relations! Probably coz they think giving it a name would help them understand things better, would establish a more personal relation. Ex: If you have to catch my attention in a crowd, you would rather say, "Hey Shubha!" than "Hey gorgeous!". The later might turn a lot of heads coz, lets accept it, all of think we are awesome! The former would establish a mode of communication intended between the two of us. Alas, not all things can be spotted by names!

I have had absolutely no respect for people who claim to be beacon of knowledge, God men claiming to show you how to live, God women claiming to bless your soul and give you a reason to live. One of the main reasons people blow their own trumpets is.. well coz no one else would/could blow it for them with as much conviction! Honestly people, if you need someone to show you "how to live" , be assured that you are running in the opposite direction of your finish line! Having said that, no offense to anyone who feels the need to have such people around, to help them focus. Each to his own I guess!

There can never be one absolute teacher! With the amount of knowledge surrounding us, the number of inexplicable things that humanity is subjected to on a day-to-day basis, it is foolishness to think one person has the answers to all questions. We grow everyday, hurting and healing ourselves. No one man/ woman has the healing powers to heal all of us at our beck and call. 

I have had several teachers in my short course of life and no, I am not talking about the horrible atrocities I was subjected to during my schooling days. (They also go by the names teachers too, so just wanted to make sure there's no confusion here!) I am not yet in that place in life, where I can admit, with full conviction, that even the douche-st of douchebags I have come across have something to teach me! Most of my teachers have been been people I meet on a daily basis - family, friends, friends of friends, absolute strangers!

This takes me back to a conversation with a dear friend over brunch. My friend is an exemplary woman, with experiences that will blow your head off! My jaw drops almost every time she tells me about an absolute stranger helping her in situations I cannot fathom getting myself into! Few things that have happened in her life, are nothing short of a miracle. Again, I wouldn't want to attempt to explain this phenomenon. I am stunned at how easy it is for her to obtain help even when she doesn't ask! She has a very simple answer for her experiences. "I share my woes". 

There it was, a very simple act - sharing. Sharing is caring, people say. I have heard about innumerable quotes on how sharing joy can double it. Not a whole of quotes about sharing sorrows huh? (I swear, there's atleast one that I vaguely remember. Now, what was that!!!) It's pretty simple. I believe that there is goodness around us, in most cases- dormant. It manifests itself when called for, probably coz unless it's called for, it doesn't realize its existence. No one can help you unless they know you need help. People don't realize their potential of healing someone until they are put in the spot! That's the power of speaking up. It's these tiny things, which when given attention to can touch you in ways you never know. 

These are experiences that nourish my life, these are people who teach me to believe, to have faith. I need not pray to one idol or person to lead a better life, I open myself to the walking/talking embodiment of experiences in my day to day life!

Choose wise!!!

This post is a resultant of a super tired body and restless mind. You know how it is when you are so tired that sleep evades you, your mind takes you on journeys involving random movements on your keyboard, facilitating clicks on links that seem semi-intriguing? No? Just me? Anyways, that was exactly my state when I stumbled across the pregnant deer scenario. Ok now, stop dilating your pupils and read on.

A pregnant deer about to give birth , finds a remote grass field by the river. As she cautiously moves towards the "safe" place under dark clouds, a lightning starts a forest fire. That very moment she goes into labor. To her left, she sees a hunter aiming at her. As she moved in the opposite direction she sees a lion approaching her. What does she do? If she runs from the arrow she is sure to land up as a lions meal. If she escapes both the fire will catch up to her in no time. So what does she do?

Answer - NOTHING! She focuses on giving birth to a new life.

In a fraction of second, the lightening blinds the hunters eyes, the released arrow zips past the deer and finds the lion as a target. Dark clouds rumble and make way for heavy rains putting off the forest fire. A healthy fawn is born!

The output may have been very different had the deer decided to escape her nemesis. She could have easily found herself as a dinner or in a cradle of fire! Everything could have changed in a matter of a milli second. But what determined the output, was a choice, HER CHOICE.

In our day to day lives, we are forced to make choices - some, which give us the luxury of time, while others have to be made in a jiffy. The former may create a lot of turmoil coz we have the power of time in our hands. The later may bring uncertainties, fear and an ugly feeling of regret coz they had to be made turning a blind eye to all the possibilities.Its a choice between the devil and the deep blue see. Well, I am just learning how to swim, so I would pick the devil! What about u?

After reading the deer scenario I realized, it doesn't have to always be devil or the deep blue see. There's always an option to stay put and continue what you are doing. Doing nothing actually means you have made a choice and your choice is to do nothing!

There are always gonna be factors that hinder you from your current path - distractions that engulf you in anxiety, inject negativity until your brain is intoxicated with fear. In short, push you to doing what you feel compelled to do as opposed to what you are supposed to do.

People are so involved in making decisions, choosing between options and treating life like an exam of multiple choice questions  that they have forgotten that there's always an option - none of the above.

This scenario struck a special chord with me coz it symbolizes how all the negativity around you can vanish in a moment if you decide to not play in its hands and take a stand. There are always gonna be testing times. Things may not be in your favor, you may not always earn peoples confidence. The only thing you will always have going for you is your choices. Why? Coz they represent you and your belief system. Everyone has their own beliefs that are dear to their existence. They may not necessarily apply to you. That doesn't make yours any less valuable.

Soon enough one does realize that living your choices gives birth to a new life - our version of a new born fawn. It may not be an ideal one, but the one that you worked hard at creating. Live it with pride.

Make a choice when you can choose wise!

Dream board

If you really want something, the universe conspires to give it to you. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? This concept went viral after "The Alchemist" released. It's a  very simple concept of wanting something, without giving a thought to whether the idea is conceivable or logical. As I always say, simplicity is not one of the virtues people possess these days! So it's a very tough concept to wrap your head around. Coz it doesn't work on tangible things. It works on faith.

Visualization is one of the concepts that takes people one step closer to having faith. In visualization, you create a visual representation of what you want your life to be. You throw your wishes and desires to the universe in a pictorial form. You paint a picture of your life ahead. You graphically portray your desires. It can be something as simple as random photos that depict a part of life you yearn to lead to a canvas where the colors make your future come alive. You are the creator of your own vision board!

I had the good fortune of working with a friend on my dream board last week. It has all the ingredients of the life I wanna live - a collage of some beautiful pictures and some really strong quotes. While I was doing this art project, I felt alive. The most alive I've felt in a looong time. I was working on something that probably didn't make sense to a lot of people I knew - a feeling that thrills me to bits every single time! My dream board is ready. My first and my best so far!

During this exercise, I experienced something very impactful. As I looked at pictures cut out from the magazines, pictures that were meant to depict my future, I realized every picture had a story. Suddenly a classically dressed model seated on a bike, reading a map, transformed from a confusing portrayal of God knows what, to a modern day woman dictating the journey of her life; a confused looking girl in an airport with a suitcase was now a girl with dreams - uncertain about her future yet determined to live every bit of it;  the couple holding hands, looking away from the camera were no longer tired. Instead they seemed to look ahead, dream of a prosperous life together, believing in miracles. It's the same feeling I had when I visited a museum in Philadelphia. Hundreds of paintings and nothing made sense! But on reading the descriptions associated with each of them, I wondered how I could miss the message being sent out through this exemplary pictorial representation.  It's said that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. The same holds good for the pictures that now form my dream board.

It's wonderful to see how different people interpret the same things. To a large extent, you are what you interpret. Recently, an exercise was conducted, where people where given the task of finding hidden words in a box full of letters. It's surprising how some people found the words "love" and "peace" while the others found "power" and "money". A very good set of people found "hate". Now, what does this say about the game? Honestly, I don't know. But it sure as hell says quite a bit about the people playing the game. It's said that people never really change their stripes. To a large extent, I believe it. You will always be "you" from within. There would always be certain things that you really want. It could be anything, ranging from love to money. In time, probably they might be burdened by other fancy things that would make you more appealing! But in your heart, you always crave for the things that touch you in ways nothing ever could!

Coming back to the dream board, your dreams are your own. No one can interpret your life the way you can and the only interpretation that counts, is yours. Yesterday when I  shared my board with a colleague, he found less of dreams and more of amusement. My immediate reaction was WTF! As far as I am concerned, you touch a new low when you make fun of someone's dreams.Having said that, the world is full of nonsensical people who lead a life of their choice. Yes, they lead  "their" life, don't let them lead yours!

Back in the days when my dream was to travel, I was the butt of many jokes. "It's not a dream!", "What sort of a life is that!". Just typing these comments makes me nauseous! I am living my dream as I type this post. It's my personal accomplishment. The skeptics are where they were, non existent! But what does exist is me and a heart full of joy riding high on faith.

How many times in life, do we change our dreams to make us socially acceptable? Re-paint the canvas of our life with colors chosen by others, creating something that makes absolutely no sense to us. But thats the beauty of life. There can be a blank canvas presented to you at your will. The only rule is that you make an art out it. Something that as abstract as it may be, makes perfect sense to you. Challenge is not to get swallowed in others talks. Coz that's their philosophy - got mouth - will talk! Always be respectful of people's dreams especially when they don't make sense to you! Coz dreaming is a sign of life. The dead don't dream!

Warrior Princess

A lazy Saturday afternoon. Just finished my brunch. As the cries of little kids fill the air around me, I stare blankly at my laptop screen. My fingers randomly scroll up and down the deals email for today. At the background, I am processing the number of things I ordered online and keeping  track of how many I am yet to receive. Of course, by now I have stopped thinking if I actually need any of the things I order online. If it's over 50% off, I WANT IT! Make no mistake about it. I look outside the window. It's a perfect day to sit by the window and read a book, something that I've been meaning to do for the past 6 months. So that's exactly how long it has been since I learnt a new word! Now I can hear an action sequence being played in the other room. I've half the mind to walk up and turn the volume down. But my laziness creeps over and I plug in my earphone, listen to Bob Marley instead. I am mindlessly reading the news feed on my FB wall. My eyes fall on an interesting article - 7 ways of hurting your daughter's future. I am surprised at how much I start relating to the article!

As a kid, I was always told to be nice to people. Smile when they pass sly remarks on you, coz it's all in the name of fun! No one means any harm! If you as much as talk back, that's impolite. Good girls don't talk back. Good girls keep mum coz the only time words suit them is when they came out in a form of a song, in front of an indifferent crowd. "The girl can sing! She's gonna make her in-laws very happy some day!" That was the day my young mind thought being respectful is equivalent to keeping quiet. 

Few years later, these very people decided to make my appearance a matter of their concern or should I say their "life mission". I was a plump kid and puberty was not exactly what I would call a party! Clearly the zits on my face thought otherwise! Apparently I was not attractive enough to gain attention. A lot of parents inculcate the concept of beauty into their kids very early in life. And make no mistakes about it, it's not the inner beauty about people that make the rounds with them. Bestowing such values on kids only ensures this spreads like plague. And spread like plague, it did. I grew up in a society where values were the least of one's concerns.  "Anyone can be beautiful. You just need to concentrate on your strengths." Obviously no one told me that strengths don't just mean "physical attributes"! And hey, I was too young and on a quest for perfect beauty! I spent years on finding my strengths. I believed in my heart, every ugly duckling turns into a beautiful swan someday.

 Good looks always overshadowed good heart, trendy clothes always eclipsed solid character, slyness outshone honesty. With all the emotions bottled up, tears would find the comfort of a pillow.  This is when I learnt the second most important lesson on my young life - people are always right, for might is right. What's inside is worth a nickle compared to the perceived beauty!


As I grew up, I bid good byes to few of my talents, for I had no seekers of the talent and I had no will to pursue them without encouragement. There were always certain set of things that I HAD TO do and was SUPPOSED to be good at. I won't lie to you, I sucked at all of them. Why? Coz I honestly couldn't give a tiny rat's ass. I could count the number of things I've done halfheartedly but very early in my life I was told that I suck at Maths. Now this thought has been so deeply ingrained in my head that it has turned into reality! Bottom-line,  talents which will help you fetch money/ status/ good spouse are talents; the sooner you let go of the rest, the better it is.  Third lesson of my life - I CANNOT complete what I've started.


I reached a point in my life, where all these lessons raised their ugly heads every now and then. Suddenly they didn't seem to make any sense. The smile that was supposed to be a polite answer to bullies transformed into a nervous laughter, for in my heart I was done upholding the name of fun. But having been quiet for so long, I had no means or clue of regaining the wit I presumed to have! Caught in a dilemma of being "good" and being "true"! Trust me, it's one of the worse battles I've been in!

No matter how good I look, there's always gonna be that one woman who'll be my nemesis. There's always a better face/ smile/ rack/ ass etc etc. True story. But all the while, I could be that "one woman" for someone else. I don't know, I don't wanna know!

When I started writing, I felt free. I wrote for myself. It was my life in my words. My autobiography in posts -  one post after the other. I finally felt that I was good at something. Until it became a need to want people to like my work! It was not about my feelings, it was more of reader's enjoying my work. It was no longer my life, it was more about topics that people could relate to. And then I stopped writing, for I could find no suitable topics! I read this line again and I feel frigging lame. As I  look around, there are atleast a thousand living/ non living things within 10 feet radius. Living things that I could appreciate, non living things that my words could bring life into. And honestly people have little to say about it, coz well.. IT'S MY LIFE! MY WORDS! MY OPINIONS. If you don't like what I write, you are free to humor the million bloggers out there! I promise - no bad blood!

Looking back at all the things I've left incomplete, I have regrets. Too early for a 27 year old , with her entire life ahead of her. For whatever reasons and fears that caused me to leave business unfinished are the main reasons that led me to believing that I have it in me to run only half a race. In life you often tend to mistake you actually are what the incidents/ people in your life make you believe. You might as well be what they think you to be. But end of the day, there's only one judge YOU.

No one can undo their past. But one owes it to oneself to unlearn the things of past. You don't keep stock up trash in your house, then why trash your life?

There are always gonna be broken hearts and shattered dreams. But you are who you are. Your beauty doesn't lie in your flawless face or impeccable body. Your beauty lies in the way you've achieved without them!

P.S : http://www.forbes.com/sites/learnvest/2012/06/28/7-ways-youre-hurting-your-daughters-future/

Soul sister

I was beginning to feel light headed. The never-gonna-leave-my-lips smile had announced its dangerous arrival. "She hasn't smiled this way since you left", he said. No one had spelt it out till then, but one look at her and I knew it was true. The music was filling my ears and well, to a large extent my brains! I wanted to sing! I am damn good singer. You can ask anyone who HAS NOT heard me sing!!! People who have will probably tell you something that could collapse the castle I am trying really hard to build!

It was just one of those days when I had to sing (Trust me, those days are not very often! Thankfully!) She held my hand, accompanied me to the mike and stood by my side while I exercised my vocal chords in an inebriated state. She didn't know the song, but she caught up, sang with me, made me feel like a lesser idiot. I guess that's an integral part of being a soul sister. You don't let the other person make a total idiot of herself. You join in!

Vada Pav, chocolate pasteries, paani puri, veg momos - formed an integral part of our date. (not to mention the "magically" acquired bellies and "jodhpuris") The date that we looked forward to after a long day at office. Initial memories of us involve bread omlette, masala dosa, tea, Mc veggies, french fries, costa coffee and chocolate muffins, Thinking about it, food seems to be one thing that always connected us!!! (To a very large extent, it still does!!!)

Walking the Times Square with her in what I was pretty sure was the "Ice age re-visited" marked the high point of a highly eventful year. (try posing for a caricature artist in almost zero temperature with no gloves on. You'll know what end of world feels like!) My end-of-the-world definition turned a new leaf when I was faced with making a decision - save my fingers from falling or ski my ass to glory. The girl in yellow pants took the decision for me. She stayed, I did too! Falling on my bum has never felt better. (I probably will shy away from falling anywhere for this one life time!)

She has always been good at that. Setting the bar really high and "nagging" you till you reach there! Nagger, she is (brownie boy don't be scared! Nagging is always accompanied by an overflow of love, which I am quite sure you'll thrive in!!!) Confidence could as well be her second name. (Having said that, please don't buy the bucketful of shit she's selling you. It's tempting, reaaally tempting, but steer clear!) "I believe in you", she said, "but you need to believe in yourself." The never ending conversations make my ears burn yet listening to every word of a mature granny coming from a hot tiny girl!

You talk about the blizzard in US? Few days back there was a thunderstorm in India, caused by a million heart breaks. Reason - A BIG FAT PUNJABI WEDDING! My girl found her man of dreams and turned their dreams to reality. I couldn't be happier. A dazzling smile found a rightful guardian who I am pretty sure will make the smile last! (Else I kick your ass! )

Life is a bitch, they say. But when life involves long drives, parties, giggling like there's no one watching, head banging on sleazy songs.dancing on even sleazier numbers, talking all night long, throwing tantrums, binging on tea and garlic bread - it just couldn't get any better! My Ms Soul sister is now a Mrs Brownie guy and I really couldn't think of a better match made in heaven! (or well.. in a crowded MNC in my favourite city of all times!)

Again, words don't do justice to what our relation means to me. ( 2 posts dedicated to the same person on my blog goes right into my "blog hall of fame"!) There are very few experiences in life that you remember right to the excruciating details, few relations that you have no expectations coz they are above and beyond human understanding, few memories that can get you out of the dumps with their very glimpse and finally few people who bring all of this together. (Louve, It's time you grab a tissue now!)

Cheers to you new life. Let the memories begin!

2-0-1-3

2:10 am; Sitting in a wooden cabin, surrounded by snow; Far away from home but midst the warmth of a family in a far away land! There you go - Welcome 2013!!! (Ya, we all are alive, the world hasn't ended. Someone was definitely right when they said, mayans ran out of stones leading to their calendar ending in 2012!)

Saying goodbye to the most eventful year of my life takes me on a trip back to the memory lane. A journey from scorching heat in Pondicherry to the beautiful snow in Virginia - a perfect blend of various opportunities, diverse avenues, new places, crazy adventures, intriguing people! (Ya! My life ROCKS!)

The one thing I have really wanted all along, is to travel. Travel as far as there is sky over my head, travel as much as my feet can take. What started as a resolution,eventually turned into a reality. Travel I did. Walking the streets of French colony and basking in the peace of Auroville in Pondi; Fighting the scorching heat of Chennai; Winning over the not-so adamant auto drivers of Hyderabad; Exploring the downtown life of Chicago; Living my childhood dream of visiting Disney Land; Experiencing the magic of a Halloween parade at the Magic Kingdom;Understanding how hyped Statue of Liberty was; Seeing the lights do wonders to the largest Christmas tree I've ever come across at Rockefeller; Walking hand-in-hand with my soul sis on the Times Square; Jumping of a plane in Indianapolis; Almost injuring my knees, skiing in Virginia..pheww.. as you can see its been one hell of a ride!

I have always believed that one can judge the quality of life one leads by the quality of people in their life. I can proudly say, I have a supremely high quality life! Lovely parents, who are determined to master an apple product everyday just to get a glimpse of me (well, to be honest I am almost as technically illiterate as them. Just the genes I guess!!!); super awesome better half who gives me the not-so-gentle push I almost always require; a best friend who redefines focus; a soul sis who's held my hand when I thought there was no one, the only girl I look up to; a foster dad - my partner in crime, my conscience keeper; bunch of hunkie bros who make me feel like a child - happy and protected; bunch of highly tortured girl friends, who I know can live their whole life with some more torture (come on! I know you guys love it! I bring more colors to your well.. lets say already colorful life! *evil grin*). This is my solid support system. This is why I breathe the air I do, the reason for who I am, the reason for me dreaming higher. Making me believe I have all I want, but pushing me to explore newer avenues.

2012 has been the year that witnessed few of my dreams being fulfilled and created new dreams waiting to be lived. A great ending to the best year of my life, marks a new beginning to a new year, challenging it to raise the bar higher. Cheers to the high standards of life, cheers to new dreams, cheers 2013!