A lazy Saturday afternoon. Just finished my brunch. As the cries of little kids fill the air around me, I stare blankly at my laptop screen. My fingers randomly scroll up and down the deals email for today. At the background, I am processing the number of things I ordered online and keeping track of how many I am yet to receive. Of course, by now I have stopped thinking if I actually need any of the things I order online. If it's over 50% off, I WANT IT! Make no mistake about it. I look outside the window. It's a perfect day to sit by the window and read a book, something that I've been meaning to do for the past 6 months. So that's exactly how long it has been since I learnt a new word! Now I can hear an action sequence being played in the other room. I've half the mind to walk up and turn the volume down. But my laziness creeps over and I plug in my earphone, listen to Bob Marley instead. I am mindlessly reading the news feed on my FB wall. My eyes fall on an interesting article - 7 ways of hurting your daughter's future. I am surprised at how much I start relating to the article!
As a kid, I was always told to be nice to people. Smile when they pass sly remarks on you, coz it's all in the name of fun! No one means any harm! If you as much as talk back, that's impolite. Good girls don't talk back. Good girls keep mum coz the only time words suit them is when they came out in a form of a song, in front of an indifferent crowd. "The girl can sing! She's gonna make her in-laws very happy some day!" That was the day my young mind thought being respectful is equivalent to keeping quiet.
Few years later, these very people decided to make my appearance a matter of their concern or should I say their "life mission". I was a plump kid and puberty was not exactly what I would call a party! Clearly the zits on my face thought otherwise! Apparently I was not attractive enough to gain attention. A lot of parents inculcate the concept of beauty into their kids very early in life. And make no mistakes about it, it's not the inner beauty about people that make the rounds with them. Bestowing such values on kids only ensures this spreads like plague. And spread like plague, it did. I grew up in a society where values were the least of one's concerns. "Anyone can be beautiful. You just need to concentrate on your strengths." Obviously no one told me that strengths don't just mean "physical attributes"! And hey, I was too young and on a quest for perfect beauty! I spent years on finding my strengths. I believed in my heart, every ugly duckling turns into a beautiful swan someday.
Good looks always overshadowed good heart, trendy clothes always eclipsed solid character, slyness outshone honesty. With all the emotions bottled up, tears would find the comfort of a pillow. This is when I learnt the second most important lesson on my young life - people are always right, for might is right. What's inside is worth a nickle compared to the perceived beauty!
As I grew up, I bid good byes to few of my talents, for I had no seekers of the talent and I had no will to pursue them without encouragement. There were always certain set of things that I HAD TO do and was SUPPOSED to be good at. I won't lie to you, I sucked at all of them. Why? Coz I honestly couldn't give a tiny rat's ass. I could count the number of things I've done halfheartedly but very early in my life I was told that I suck at Maths. Now this thought has been so deeply ingrained in my head that it has turned into reality! Bottom-line, talents which will help you fetch money/ status/ good spouse are talents; the sooner you let go of the rest, the better it is. Third lesson of my life - I CANNOT complete what I've started.
I reached a point in my life, where all these lessons raised their ugly heads every now and then. Suddenly they didn't seem to make any sense. The smile that was supposed to be a polite answer to bullies transformed into a nervous laughter, for in my heart I was done upholding the name of fun. But having been quiet for so long, I had no means or clue of regaining the wit I presumed to have! Caught in a dilemma of being "good" and being "true"! Trust me, it's one of the worse battles I've been in!
No matter how good I look, there's always gonna be that one woman who'll be my nemesis. There's always a better face/ smile/ rack/ ass etc etc. True story. But all the while, I could be that "one woman" for someone else. I don't know, I don't wanna know!
When I started writing, I felt free. I wrote for myself. It was my life in my words. My autobiography in posts - one post after the other. I finally felt that I was good at something. Until it became a need to want people to like my work! It was not about my feelings, it was more of reader's enjoying my work. It was no longer my life, it was more about topics that people could relate to. And then I stopped writing, for I could find no suitable topics! I read this line again and I feel frigging lame. As I look around, there are atleast a thousand living/ non living things within 10 feet radius. Living things that I could appreciate, non living things that my words could bring life into. And honestly people have little to say about it, coz well.. IT'S MY LIFE! MY WORDS! MY OPINIONS. If you don't like what I write, you are free to humor the million bloggers out there! I promise - no bad blood!
Looking back at all the things I've left incomplete, I have regrets. Too early for a 27 year old , with her entire life ahead of her. For whatever reasons and fears that caused me to leave business unfinished are the main reasons that led me to believing that I have it in me to run only half a race. In life you often tend to mistake you actually are what the incidents/ people in your life make you believe. You might as well be what they think you to be. But end of the day, there's only one judge YOU.
No one can undo their past. But one owes it to oneself to unlearn the things of past. You don't keep stock up trash in your house, then why trash your life?
There are always gonna be broken hearts and shattered dreams. But you are who you are. Your beauty doesn't lie in your flawless face or impeccable body. Your beauty lies in the way you've achieved without them!
P.S : http://www.forbes.com/sites/learnvest/2012/06/28/7-ways-youre-hurting-your-daughters-future/
As a kid, I was always told to be nice to people. Smile when they pass sly remarks on you, coz it's all in the name of fun! No one means any harm! If you as much as talk back, that's impolite. Good girls don't talk back. Good girls keep mum coz the only time words suit them is when they came out in a form of a song, in front of an indifferent crowd. "The girl can sing! She's gonna make her in-laws very happy some day!" That was the day my young mind thought being respectful is equivalent to keeping quiet.
Few years later, these very people decided to make my appearance a matter of their concern or should I say their "life mission". I was a plump kid and puberty was not exactly what I would call a party! Clearly the zits on my face thought otherwise! Apparently I was not attractive enough to gain attention. A lot of parents inculcate the concept of beauty into their kids very early in life. And make no mistakes about it, it's not the inner beauty about people that make the rounds with them. Bestowing such values on kids only ensures this spreads like plague. And spread like plague, it did. I grew up in a society where values were the least of one's concerns. "Anyone can be beautiful. You just need to concentrate on your strengths." Obviously no one told me that strengths don't just mean "physical attributes"! And hey, I was too young and on a quest for perfect beauty! I spent years on finding my strengths. I believed in my heart, every ugly duckling turns into a beautiful swan someday.
Good looks always overshadowed good heart, trendy clothes always eclipsed solid character, slyness outshone honesty. With all the emotions bottled up, tears would find the comfort of a pillow. This is when I learnt the second most important lesson on my young life - people are always right, for might is right. What's inside is worth a nickle compared to the perceived beauty!
As I grew up, I bid good byes to few of my talents, for I had no seekers of the talent and I had no will to pursue them without encouragement. There were always certain set of things that I HAD TO do and was SUPPOSED to be good at. I won't lie to you, I sucked at all of them. Why? Coz I honestly couldn't give a tiny rat's ass. I could count the number of things I've done halfheartedly but very early in my life I was told that I suck at Maths. Now this thought has been so deeply ingrained in my head that it has turned into reality! Bottom-line, talents which will help you fetch money/ status/ good spouse are talents; the sooner you let go of the rest, the better it is. Third lesson of my life - I CANNOT complete what I've started.
I reached a point in my life, where all these lessons raised their ugly heads every now and then. Suddenly they didn't seem to make any sense. The smile that was supposed to be a polite answer to bullies transformed into a nervous laughter, for in my heart I was done upholding the name of fun. But having been quiet for so long, I had no means or clue of regaining the wit I presumed to have! Caught in a dilemma of being "good" and being "true"! Trust me, it's one of the worse battles I've been in!
No matter how good I look, there's always gonna be that one woman who'll be my nemesis. There's always a better face/ smile/ rack/ ass etc etc. True story. But all the while, I could be that "one woman" for someone else. I don't know, I don't wanna know!
When I started writing, I felt free. I wrote for myself. It was my life in my words. My autobiography in posts - one post after the other. I finally felt that I was good at something. Until it became a need to want people to like my work! It was not about my feelings, it was more of reader's enjoying my work. It was no longer my life, it was more about topics that people could relate to. And then I stopped writing, for I could find no suitable topics! I read this line again and I feel frigging lame. As I look around, there are atleast a thousand living/ non living things within 10 feet radius. Living things that I could appreciate, non living things that my words could bring life into. And honestly people have little to say about it, coz well.. IT'S MY LIFE! MY WORDS! MY OPINIONS. If you don't like what I write, you are free to humor the million bloggers out there! I promise - no bad blood!
Looking back at all the things I've left incomplete, I have regrets. Too early for a 27 year old , with her entire life ahead of her. For whatever reasons and fears that caused me to leave business unfinished are the main reasons that led me to believing that I have it in me to run only half a race. In life you often tend to mistake you actually are what the incidents/ people in your life make you believe. You might as well be what they think you to be. But end of the day, there's only one judge YOU.
No one can undo their past. But one owes it to oneself to unlearn the things of past. You don't keep stock up trash in your house, then why trash your life?
There are always gonna be broken hearts and shattered dreams. But you are who you are. Your beauty doesn't lie in your flawless face or impeccable body. Your beauty lies in the way you've achieved without them!
P.S : http://www.forbes.com/sites/learnvest/2012/06/28/7-ways-youre-hurting-your-daughters-future/
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